I'm getting myself worse

I wasn't going to write what i have because i thought its stupid or thinking i do it to seek attention.but i really cant stand it at all.the thing is i'm losing hole these days and it's not the time for it my dad is sick and i got final exams and i'm not doing evefything that should be done at time.im just sick of pushing myself in anything.even helping my parents with simple things has became too much on me and i feel guilty but i feel like the caring is fading away.i even shout at them or cut them when they keep asking me things i regret it but the feeling of blowing up gas grown more.it's good i am on vacation to review for finals but i should havs made use of it and organise myself and whenever i start to review my limit is 5 to 10 minutes then i give up and if i try to study longer i doze away or get sleepy and eat alot and not focus.also i feel as if im isolaying myself slowly.i'm about to cut communication with my parents.i long time cut with relatives.and nowadays with colleagues..i've gain more hate towards people including my parent but at same time im afraid god will be angry and i dont want to lose them..but the will to do good and push myself is gone.yes i am moody but i havent had it for so long and for straight 4 days..and i dont know if it will xontinue or not..i can't even accept advices anymore..i don't know i hate myself.

[sweetiepye]

You are obviously over whelmed with all that is going on in your life at the moment. Why don't you let your parents know how you are feeling ? Even though they are having problems at this time I'm sure they will want to know what is going on with you.Let them do their job which is to parent you. You might want to see a Doctor to eliminate anything physical. There are many minor things that can cause fatigue and disinterest . I think what you hate is the situation you are in and you are directing it to others and yourself. Only God will determine if you go to heaven and He knows your heart. Pam

[Marshall64 in reply to sweetiepye]

I want to echo what sweetiepye said and that is to tell your parents because I'm a parent too and I would want to know what is going on with my daughter.

I have had to explain to my mom what is going on with me. She would call me when I'm depressed and I wouldn't say much (depression does that to me). When I did tell her what was going on she told me that she thought I was mad at her. I felt bad because my mom is a gentle soul.

[sweetiepye in reply to Marshall64]

What a lovely thing to say about your Mother. I would love for my kids to think of me in that way.

[Hidden in reply to sweetiepye]

I've talked before about it with my parents.but they say it's in my hand to change i know but,it's like when someone needs a trainer to lose weigh. i also need someone who follows me up with habits and tries to change them..i can't tell my parents that it's enough they are tired by me and worked alot..Well,overwhelmed by repetitive thoughts that don't help me in life..at first i thought when i first entered college that i won't be focused much on other thoughts that put me down and doing nothing good.but then it seemed like it's too much on me..i don't know if it's because i'm on short vacation but im suppose to prepare..or it's just i easily get fed up with things..i know this sounds like spoiled kid talking but really it bothers me..i know it's easy to just do it right now but i just can't maintain on progress..im sorry anyhow thanks for the advices..

[sweetiepye]

Your college years are a transition from being helped by your parents to being independent . I think you still need some parental help, but apparently you're not going to get it. Why not try a counselor at school and see what they have to offer you. I know you can talk to your friends, but they are not really qualified to help. Your Doctor might have some resources for you. Don't despair, you'll find answers somewhere if you keep looking. Pam

[Marshall64]

I'm sorry that your parents were not more receptive. Parents aren't perfect. I know I'm not. We can caught up in our own stuff.

I still think it was a good idea to tell your parents. At least they know where you are coming from. I get what you say about needing a mentor. As sweetpye suggested, is there a counselor at your school? In the meantime you can still talk to people on this site.