Little bit of a mind f***

For 21 years now, I've been living in solitude. I can't handle people. I do my best to avoid human contact, be it physical or emotional. I have always avoided it as I feel disconnected from the rest of humanity. I work nights and don't really leave the house. I'm quite content being alone to my own devices. This was until a short while ago.

I started getting "cravings" for human contact. Not just to have friends but emotional, physical and some sexual (which is weird for me as I've always gone my own way rather than consider relationships of any sort). Not knowing what to do to initiate conversation and not knowing how to socially interact with another person is making me feel agoraphobic and stressed. Do these feelings or needs or whatever they are ever go?

I really can't stand the feeling of wanting something I've never wanted before and it's making me confused and angry, which for my mind, is a really bad thing

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7 Replies

  • Sorry to hear u having a rough time hope things get better for u.

  • we do change in our thoughts and feeling at diffrent stages in our lives. i have never question mine as i think its normal and yours is very human. am sure there many sites and single clubs that you will find interesting.

    others on the forum will be able to advice you soon.

    good luck..🙄

  • To be honest i think it's pretty much normal to want to start finding a "companion" as you get older,i think it's in human DNA,we are designed to reproduce just like any other animal on earth.

    Granted for 21 year's you only wanted your own company,which meant that you did not really associate or socialise with your peers,which to a degree will make you feel awkard and confused in regard's to going out there and socialising with people.

    Perhap's you should start small,find a small local group where you can start meeting people,rather then just jumping in with both feet,going to a club,pub,etc. I would say if you have a hobbie find a group in your area.

    Go to that group,the only way you will really learn to start interacting with people is by actually going out and interacting with people,some people may find you eccentric because you have not really associated with people much. Or you might fit in like a glove.(But honestly,do not worry what other people think)

    Personally i feel you are thinking too hard about what your natural human need is wanting,a part of you is telling you that you are fine alone,you want to be alone,but deep down,obviously that is not the case,and your subconsciously finding that your "true" desire's and feeling's are starting to rise to the surface.

    And putting you in conflict with what you think you want and what you really want,thus giving you that "mind fu*k" feeling.

    Heck even talking on here is you interacting with people,so baby step's,i am sure there are other's on here who can give better advice.

  • i can undersand not wanting to be with people as i myself find them hard work and get drained easily by people so i love being on my own and have good friends online, thats enough for me. when i do have to be in the company of people as Iv been quite ill at times and needed help it reminds me why i like my own company. i also understand the need to have a cuddle and some warmth. many people use escort agencies. i did that once myself and when i got cuddles i started to cry and was so embarassed as i was sobbing and i had to say oh im so sorry my mother is ill. actually my mother had passed away long ago. but never mind. i look young for my age. just a thought. love grace xoxoxo

  • Hello Alden, i'm no psychologist but the need for other people and social contact varies from person to person and there have been many hermits, and even today some people become recluses. This is difficult in the modern world and you probably meet people at work, when shopping and travelling and handle this minimal contact in a satisfactory way. It should n't be too difficult to start expanding this contact even if initially its just mundane exchanges about the weather ,hows business etc. This is well short of what you seem to now want but its a start. Its also well short of what most people seek,but as I say its a start.

    After 21 years of voluntary solitude you might well need some help in coming out of your shell and maybe should visit your GP who may suggest some sort of counselling. This is a bit outside most GPs terms of reference but its worth a try , just talking to your GP about it again will help you a bit. If you're lucky and get a GP with empathy that could be a big help.Before doing this I think you should examine as honestly as you can why you've sought solitude in the past. This might be difficult ,knowing one's own motives is n't always as easy as it sounds.

    I think its a good thing that you now want more social contact. Most people do not have as much social contact as they wish and loneliness is a big problem for many. Do you have any family you could contact more regularly ? Joining a walking group might be a good idea as conversations tend to be short and easier, but can be longer if one wishes.

    There's nothing at all wrong in saying to a stranger or someone you know that you're shy ,or not good at talking. That will help them and probably keep the conversation alive.

    Regard all these things as initial practice , steps on the way to becoming a social butterfly.

    Finally I can understand some confusion but do try and keep anger out of it. That is a bad thing for your mind and won't help at all socially.


  • Hello Aiden, I don't know exactly why but I connected with your post. I wish I had the answer you're seeking, all I have are some similar experiences which may give you some insight. Any change can be hard and change you don't want even more so. It is , how ever , something that helps us grow. Your twenties are still a time for figuring out what you want out of life and how to achieve it. In my life I was almost thirty before I realized what I wanted to spend my life on. I wanted it to matter and I felt I was wasting it. I avoided people, I was nervous around people I didn't know, and I was never bored with my own company. I started having anxiety and depression so clearly I had to change something. I started with my gp and then a shrink with therapy for several years. It really helped. I found out I wasn't always honest with my self. Things I was afraid of I saw as things I didn't need or want in my life. So I had to make myself do some things that were difficult for me. I went back to college and finished my degree. I certainly got used to being around many different people. I let go of some of my defenses. I became less critical of others, started connecting on an emotional level. Heck, I'm almost a saint now. I'm not saying you are like me, I'm just suggesting that finding out what is going on will give you some answers and help you to become at peace with yourself and possibly make changes. What ever you decide to do I wish you well. Pam

  • Hi, I have felt the same for the last 3 years not wanting contact with anyone just take small steps day at a time however small the step is. I'm far from being over it but gets better every day. Wish you all the best.

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