I Think It's Contagious....

[AlwaysTrying]

That title is meant to be tongue in cheek but I am actually going through a really horrible dilemma at the moment with my relationship with my partner.

He has suffered from bi-polar since well before I met him but I've always know (I've posted on here before when I first realised how serious it all was).

Over the last year we have been through massive ups and downs..... When he started on medication for the first time in years that was pretty bloody eventful!..... And things seem to get easier for a little while and he's starting to feel better, started on a new career path and looking forward to the future but then in an instance it can be back to square one and he's stopped taken the medication, gone on a big drink and drugs bender, having huge blazing rows with me over absolutely nothing and give up on all the good things he was doing.

Anyway I know this is all part of the condition.... I'm not expecting that is ever going to be completely cured. But what I'm worried about is whether I am resilient enough to cope with it..... It's sounds horribly selfish I know.

You see I have always been a really strong person.....I suffered from post natal depression for 2 years when I had my daughter so I do kind of understand how debilitating mental illness can be. I was a single mum for years before I met my partner and have worked really hard to build a life for me and my daughter and still ran my own business- which I absolutely loved!

I love my partner to bits and I knew when I met him that we had something really special. I also knew from the start that being together wouldn't be easy but now 3 years later I can feel the toll the relationship is having on my own mental health.

On the surface it mostly looks like I'm calm and logical and coping with everything most of the time (like I always have whenever he's been struggling) but now i feel like I'm crumbling on the inside. I feel like I'm crying inside (if that makes any sense). I have lost my self esteem too and find myself not wanting to go out and be social and getting really hung up on how I look (something I have never been bothered about at all). My ambition has totally disappeared and for the first time ever I do not have a clue what I want to do with life. I work with special need teens and children in care so my job is stressful.... But now I feel like I'm struggling to cope with it and have days where I cry driving to work because of the dread of going in. I have zero motivation when it comes to anything. I've stopped all my hobbies and spend most evenings watching TV while he sits across the room playing games on his phone. These are all things that I never ever felt before we met. I'm not blaming him for that.

Looking at all this today.... I'm really worried that I am actually reacting to the stress that we have gone through over the last 2 years. If I discuss this with my partner it makes me feel really selfish and moany considering what he has gone through and I don't feel like he is capable of seeing things from my point of view..... Purely because of everything he is dealing with.... I'm not criticising him for that.

I guess what I'm asking is.... Do you think there is a way I can build my own resilience? How can I be there for him and be strong if it does this to me? I want to talk to him about it but I don't want him to worry that I'm saying I don't want our relationship anymore or to come across as selfish. Typically conversations like this lead to him going really down and suicidal or to a huge row.

Any advice would be amazing xxx

[sweetiepye]

Hello Always, This may be a heartbreaking situation and if it turns that way I don't think you are responsible. You have one life, I don't think you should have to sacrifice it You are a parent and that should be your main concern. Does your partner have any family who can step up to help? I'm sure there will be people who think you should stand by your man. You need to take care of yourself in order to care for your daughter. May be you can help your partner find the kind of care he needs. It sounds like he might be manipulating you a bit. Pam

[AlwaysTrying in reply to sweetiepye]

Thanks Pam. My partner has family but he will not open up to them about anything. His mum and dad are always just a phone call away and they are Livy but they live an hour away from us and can't really do much when he won't turn to them. He doesn't even have any friends these days. I'm literally the only person there for him which is part of the reason why it's so hard x

[sweetiepye in reply to AlwaysTrying]

It certainly puts you in an impossible situation. Maybe you should talk to a professional about how to save yourself without harming your partner, or perhaps there is a solution that hasn't occurred to you. I do hope you get some support . We are always here you are not alone. Pam

[Suzie40]

I don't know where you live, but where I am there are bipolar support groups for friends and family of sufferers. You might find some info online or at your local library? x

[AlwaysTrying in reply to Suzie40]

Hi Suzie. Thanks for replying. I have looked into groups locally and there really isn't anything. I even tried calling Mind and they couldn't even point me to anything. It's quite shocking really because I bet there are loads of people in similar positions too x

[Stilltrying_]

What an amazing partner you are and it is perfectly understandable that you need support too with the stress of the situation. It is a very tricky and difficult road to be on as the carer and you need to make sure that you stick to your own limits and get support for yourself as you matter too!!! XXXX

[AlwaysTrying in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you so much for your comforting words. After writing this yesterday I went out and joined up a new exercise programme at a local gym and went for a coffee with a friend....and it's amazing how much better I feel. It had made me realise I am so far off being the person I want to be because of getting so consumed by his issues. I'm going to try and see if I can focus on myself for a while and still be there for him but not let it take over my life too..... I'm predicting he will notice and become insecure and try and put the dampeners on that but if that happens maybe it's time for a serious make or break conversation xx

[Stilltrying_]

Sounds like you are on the right track. Gemma XXXX