Want leaving in peace had enough 😬😢

[Winniepooh1976]

Hi all I have PTSD and depression and take medication which I have not had looked at for 6 years ( paroxatine 40mg) I also have chronic pain which I handbags over ten years now I take morphine Tramodol and Amitriptyline and have appointment tomorrow for first review in years as pain has gotten worse.

I have to have a face to face for my ESA which is stressing me out also a PIP form to fill in. I have weekly trauma therapy other than that I do not go out. My mother died a couple of years ago I had to identify her body as she was a alcoholic living in the streets. I tried my hardest to help her but she attacked me on sight and made it known she hated me. I struggle daily with my mood and feel so stressed out. Things are going round in my head I need to get on with things but really want to just be left alone. I find the whole benefits process horrible and the form difficult to do. The face to face was ok the last time but the one before was a nightmare. Anyone else who feels like me?

[Celtic27]

Hi winnie pooh youve had a rough life you need a way of getting back your mojo as they say ! I hope your medicine review goes well and you get the relief you need ! I would start looking after how you feel try not to dwell on how your mum was cruel to you ! I hope you get your pip sorted out ! I take venlafaxine,amitriptalene,diazepam amongst other meds for anxiety,depression and other ailments ! God bless you all the best david

[Winniepooh1976 in reply to Celtic27]

Hi David thanks for your reply yeah I have had some right scrap to deal with. I have had diazepam in the past found it helped with anxiety but made me sleepy. My mother was horrible and abused me as a child and as an adult. I will get my mojo back but for today my get up and go got up and went!!

Kind regards WP

[Celtic27 in reply to Winniepooh1976]

I see youve still got a sense of humour wish i could say the same my depression is playing up so im down from when i get up to when i go to bed ! You would think with the amount of meds im on i would be better but i suppose i could be better ! Regards your mum did you ever get any councilling as i asked for some when my mum died which has helped a bit ! Please take care and all the best david x

[Suzie40]

Hi Winnie

My Mum also died of alcoholism and seeing her body at the end was probably the most traumatic thing I have ever seen. I am waiting for EMDR therapy to help me to get over the distressing images that haunt me three years on.

I don't have any great advice for you, but wanted you to know that I really understand how this will have affected you. xx

[Winniepooh1976 in reply to Suzie40]

Hi Suzie40 I am sorry you had to see your mum it isn't at all comfortable and the image does stay and haunt you. I hope your therapy helps my mum died whilst I was already having therapy so that helps massively.

Thank you so much for replying if I can help you in anyway I will been the grown up child of a alcoholic is awful and it takes one to truly understand the legacy it leaves behind xx

[sweetiepye]

Our Mothers really leave their mark on us don't they. It seems if they are abusive we feel the hurt forever and if they are kind and loving we miss that forever and that causes hurt. I guess I'm saying we all go through learning to stand on our own without blaming mum or without her support. I am not familiar with the health system in the U.K. but where ever you live you have to go through some discomfort to make your health and life better. When you let yourself off the hook and start to avoid things you should be doing for your own good then you know you are harming yourself. It may feel good at the moment, in the long run not so much. Pam

[Winniepooh1976]

Hi yes mother's do leave there marks and an abusive childhood with the amount of mental physical and sexual abuse mine did also leaves its mark. I have stood on my own without my mother's love since I left home at 14 and before that as I was her punch bag from when my memories start I do not blame her and have never had or known her support.

The health system in the UK is good but the process of assessment s can be very draining intrusive and stressful. I will sort my meds out and currently weaning off Tramodol.

I loved my mother and realise she was a victim of addiction I forgive her but need to process the outcome of my childhood and how it has shaped me.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi winniepooh1976, and welcome to this caring forum. I am sorry to hear things are so difficult for you. As other members have posted, it may be a good idea for you to see your GP to discuss the possibility of being referred for some counselling. This should help you. Also MIND, the mental health charity provides support and advice about benefits. Here are a couple of websites that may be of help to you---

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

mind.org.uk/about-us/our-po...

I hope you will soon be feeling better. Please stay on the forum so you can be helped by other members. Thank you and best wishes.

[Winniepooh1976]

Thank you I usually post in chronic pain as I have a pain condition I have had a lot of support from there. I do have trauma therapy weekly but have missed 2 weeks during easter. I think things have just been spiralling had a fall out with my brother and money worries. I will check the websites thanks again x