Hi everybody, several weeks ago I posted here asking for advice on coping with my 44-year old pregnant daughter's attitude towards my mental health issues (i.e. refusal to accept them), and how it was making me very anxious about our visit to her after the birth. In fact I was dreading it and was even considering not going as there is always tension between us, with her constantly telling me to pull myself together and that I was making it all up. We live 500 miles away so it will be a visit of a few days, meeting the new baby and making the most of it before we come back home because it will likely be quite a while before I feel well enough to tackle the long journey again.
The issue was how I could manage the visit and avoid arguments while I was there - and I have to say I received some wonderful advice and wise observational comments from the lovely members here. Some comments in particular made me stop and think about how our roles had somehow got confused, and that it was now my job to offer strong maternal support to my daughter and put my own issues to one side as they don't really concern her. These comments might seem obvious to some but they really had an effect on me and I started straightaway to try to change my behaviour towards my daughter.
I started phoning her more often, and listening to her, only offering advice or opinions when she asked, and not mentioning my own problems at all. I made some little gifts for her and sent them with little cards to let her know I'm thinking about her, and I also did the same for my other daughter, who was really touched by this out-of-the-blue show of affection. I'm so happy to report that these simple actions seem to have had a miraculous effect on our relationships. My 2 daughters are back in touch with each other after a long estrangement, the baby is due in the next few days, and we are now planning our visit with optimism and pleasure.
At the same time as my previous post, I was struggling with changing my AD meds and had had some bad reactions to both Sertraline (diarrhoea) and Mirtazapine (zombie reaction after one tablet) - and I'm happy to report that I have now successfully come off both of these and am back on Fluoxetine, which suits me perfectly. My mood has settled and my physical symptoms disappeared, thank goodness.
Thank you to everybody who offered me advice - you know who you are. xxx