Help my daughter

[alinemary]

My beautiful 25 year old daughter has requested that I allow her to kill herself; Im not 100% sure she will but she is desperately unhappy - she has suffered with depression for a few years, is out of work, has no money, not a lot of friends and its killing me to see her like this. I want so much for her to have a full life but she says she is tired and just wants to sleep and never wake up. She says she' s never felt she would be here for long and I just feel so bloody helpless! She is not interested in seeing a Counsellor she says she just wants to 'go'...where do I go from here, and what can I do?

[r1985h]

Hi alinemary,

reading this takes me back a few years but this could have been my mother writing this, and it worries me thinking back now, i have said all of these things your daughter is saying. my depression started when i was 23, i had lost a baby and it sent me into a downward spiral. i am now 27 and still suffer with depression and i think i will for the rest of my life, however it got to the point where i took an overdose and my sister and my mum found me this then prompted my family to contact my doc and get me help. i have been on a few different antidepressents had CBT therapy, been hospitalised and had councelling and its all because of my family thanks to them i am alive.

I think you need to be brave like my mum was, i know it is very scary and it will be for your daughter as well but you need to take controll of this situatuion i know she is 25 and she is an adult but she will always be your little girl and you need to help her. there are lots of different hings you can do:

Speak to your GP

Speak to NHS direct they will be able to help

You can take her to your nearest walk in centre or to your local hospital

all of the above have qualified people who deal with this type of thing on a daily basis and they will be able to help her.

She may not want to get help (because i know i didnt at the time because you cannot see any other way out) but my mum made me she actuall called my doc made my appointment and came with me and i refused to talk so she told the doc what i was saying to her what i had done and thats when i first got help.

you love your daughter and you want her to be happy i understand this i hope this has helped you and i hope she finds some happieness in her life.

r1985h

[alinemary]

Thank you r1985h, she is currently on antidepressants but dont think she has a particularly good relationship with our local GPs - I was thinking that maybe I would visit the GP on my own initially and see what she has to say. I think the hardest thing at the moment is that she says she doesnt want to talk to anyone cos "it doesnt work" (she didnt like the Counsellor at the surgery) and just wants to die. She says she feel unhappy every single day and now doesnt expect to ever feel any different. I think youre right, I have to take control of the situation now and do whatever I can. My fear is that she refuses any help offered...do I then section her? When Ive mentioned this before she then says she'll do it before I have time to action anything. On a selfish note I feel reluctant to go to the doctors and 'start the ball rolling' but I know I have to do something.

[r1985h]

your daughter sounds just like me i cant believe it...i didnt like my counsellor and i stopped going (my mum couldnt do anything because she lives in spain and i hadnt told her i had stopped going) but a few years down the line after trying different things i was sent to a different counsllor and things were much better but i do understand what your daughter is say i personally find it very hard to open up and talk to people face to face (that is why she may benefit from this) and i didnt think that it helped me either at the start but you have to stick with it i was seeing my secon counsellor for about 10months then i got sent to see a CBT therapist (i hated that at the begining ad refused to talk to the poor man) again i just stopped going to that but then my GP tried other things new medication another CBT therapist etc as you can see from my story you can refuse help but once you are in the system they should help you if then they feel that she would benefit from hospitalisation they will take action.

i do think you need to take controll of the situation she sounds as if she is in a very bad place, you are not being selfish by feeling reluctant to speak to the GP because at the end of the day you are just worried about your daughter and if she has said she will act out if you do you are only reluctant becaus of that.

Personally i think you need to speak to a doc (if you want to get advice on your own first that is fine but please make sure she does not find out) or you could do what my mum did and call up on her behalf make the appointment, take her to the appointment, go into the appointment with her and if she refuses to talk talk for her. your her mum you know her better than anyone and i know that if your daughter really is like be she might not like you very much at the time but once she is up and running again she will be greatful for your help and support through this hard time

[r1985h]

do you live in sefton?? if so you can always contact inclusion matters inclusion-matters-sefton.or...

they helped me. its part of the NHS so if you dont live in sefton im sure your area will have something like this

[Robb1722]

Hi Alinemary,

Please get help urgently. Nothing is as important as protecting your daughter from herself at the moment. She is in very dark place, where light is a long distant memory. I myself have been there. 2 suicide attempts, between the ages of 17 and 20. If it were not for the love and help of my family and friends i would not be here today. Please don't give up. I'm now 45 and have always suffered with bouts of depression since, but now i have 2 wonderful children and a beautiful granddaughter to live for. I never thought then that my life was worth anything, now i thank the lord for my many blessings. My life is still full of struggles and i am at the moment in one of those, at my lowest point my fiancee left me and broke my heart. I will always love her. I think i killed her spirit. She could no longer cope with my mood swings. My family and friends and come to my aid again, because they truly love me and will always be there. I feel lucky to be alive and wouldn't want it any other way.

Stay strong, keep fighting for her and change Dr's of you have to. There's always someone on this site to make you feel that you're not alone.

Take care, and may your god be with you.

Rob.

*[Just taken out some of the more intimate suicide details Rob for safety, hope you don't mind: Catherine from Action on Depression]