Ok so never done this before so thought I’d give it a go as got nothing to lose at the minute... I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety now for 4 years... Ive sort of come to terms with the fact that I will always suffer from it... right now tho I just don’t know what to do, I’ve become numb to everything I don’t feel anything anymore.. I think it’s because I don’t have the mentality to cope with life... I don’t want to get envolved in anything or with anyone because I know that that it doesn’t matter if i go through a good spell, depression always comes back and kicks me in the face and there is nothing I can do about it... every one says you need to apriciate your self but how can I do that when I hate the person I am... i know me better than anyone and i know I am weak and Not strong enough to beat this... I get so low sometime that I don’t want to be here anymore but I also know that I would never have the ....... to try and do something stupid... it’s a viscous circle I just don’t have anymore answers in how to move forward...
people say talking always helps, but I don’t know how to talk about .... I’ve tried councilling but I can never actually open up and speak... I have so much going through my head but I don’t know how to let it out..
Any advice would be great!
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Teddy88
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Sorry to read your story. I’ve always thought talking helps but can understand not easy or possible for everyone. Think you’ve made good step in posting this so could use this forum to start putting thoughts down or perhaps write a blog or diary to try & out down your thoughts/feelings. Reading this back might help focus or you could share this with a counsellor as opposed to talking through how you feel.
Try & focus on small things in daily life & perhaps try & set yourself small & manageable goals each day. Could be as simple as going for a walk or doing the dishes. If can do these praise yourself for this & might start helping you to cope with each day.
Just my thoughts based on experiences & suggestions I’ve had, hope it helps & good luck.
The beauty about coming on here is that no-one really knows you (although in my experience everyone on here is lovely and only too willing to listen) and you only have to tell people what you want them to know. So post what you want, when you want and as much or as little as you want. Read other people's experiences and you may even find that you have something in common with others on here... People may offer you advice but it is entirely up to you if you want to take it....
I am the type of person who my friends describe as "an open book". I tend to bare my soul but that is just the type of person I am and I tend to ask for opinions and advice (some of it I might not like hearing but hey, I DID ask!!).
Its up to you...there is no pressure here but at least you have made an effort to come on and introduce yourself.
I get very low at times. I've said on here before that I gave my depression a name and when I feel it creeping up on me I very politely tell it to Jog On!! (I dont like to swear on here but you get my drift!!.. )
I understand what you are saying and actually it’s a little over whelming the response I’ve had already..
I mentioned it to another person who replied but Im stuck with my situation.
How can I move on with my life knowing that I know who I am, I know my limits I know what I can and can’t do.... I am weak, I don’t have the mentality to help me! How can I go on knowing that who I am is the person I will be for life, but also knowing that I hate who I am.. how can you help yourself knowing that you hate the person you are?
Thank you I really do appreciate advice... I’m really struggling with the fact of how can you help your self and be who you are when I you hate yourself and hate who you are... how can you go through life knowing that the person you are isn’t the person you want to be.... and knowing that yes you can change your life but you can never change who you are!!
That is a question that I don’t think there is an answer to
I really wish there was words I could say to make you feel better but I feel for you when you say you hate yourself and hate who you are. I know none of us are perfect and I certainly have done many a thing in my life that I am not proud of but I have had to learn to forgive myself or what else can I do??
I am not even going to try prying into your life but I can only imagine there is something deep and underlying in you that is making you feel this way about yourself.. If I am wrong then I truly apologise...
You are right when you say we can never change WHO we are but I do believe we can change how we FEEL about ourselves....??
Keep talking.....Even if its just to come on and say "Hi"...
The thing is I’m a nice guy, everyone says I’m one of the nicest, caring people they met..and I truly am, I care more about other people than I do myself... I would rather know someone who I care about is happy rather than me... I am a good person! I have great friends and I have a good family.. which I know all care about me!
I’m the sort of person that if some asked me for money and all I had in this whole world was a fiver, I would give it to them....what makes me happy is making people happy!
But I have this other side to me that I know one sees.... which is why I feel fake a lot of the time.
I lie to get me out of situations... I have stolen in the past.. I done things that physically make my sick but there not even that bad... but I know that’s me, I honestly truly don’t want to be me anymore.... I want to be strong minded I want to be able to tell myself to stop being a dick! But always comes back to knowing who I am, weak and mentally weak... I can’t help myself because I hate myself
To me it sounds as though you are being really nice to other people (because you are probably a really nice person) in a way to compensate or over-compensate for something bad you have done like lied or stollen, but I can tell you honestly that I have done this also. I don't think you are a bad person. I think you are a good person who has just made mistakes and are finding it hard to forgive yourself.
We ALL make mistakes and there are no doubt people out there who have made mistakes and done things to be ashamed off and have just never spoken or admitted it.
Try and draw a line under what you did in the past. The past is the past. You cannot change it so learn from the mistakes you have made and just try to not make the same ones. That sounds really simple and I dont know if there is more to it but from only having chatted to you for a number of minutes this is what I am getting from you.
Let go of what you cant control and focus on what you can. Enjoying life a bit more and allowing yourself to be happy!
I understand what you are saying... I know that I put myself down a lot which doesn’t help me..
I think my life and the way I have been brought up through my childhood has made me who I am today..
I have a great family but I am the complete opposite to all of them.
(Pretty sure I was the milkman’s lol)
They are all intelligent talkative, heads screwed on... strong independent people.. I avoid family doos like the plague... I bored of hearing how successful and how good there life is going..
I spent a lot of time on my own but I actually quite like that... it’s like my comfort zone...
I need to find a way to appreciate me and find the good in me and stop thinking about the bad in me.. if someone can come along and fix that for me, that would be awesome lol
You don't have to be the same as the rest of your family. If its any consolation I have a massive family. I have 5 uncles and 6 aunts on my mum's side and 6 uncles and 5 aunts on my dad's side (I know - opposites), I have got loads of cousins.
Out of those loads of cousins I would say that I am what you would call our "Black Sheep". I am the only one of my cousins who got married then divorced. I am the only one who had a child out of wedlock (Ooooohhh....Shame on me!! )... I am the only one who didn't go to University and I am the only one who cant drive!!....Do I care!! Nope!! I'm happy. I know a couple of my cousins who are in marriages and are extremely unhappy but they stay together to save face because they don't want "the family" disapproving. You only get this life (I think) so you just need to do whats best for you...
I love my own company and sometimes I feel as though I am weird. There is nothing wrong with that either and I choose who I want to speak to (if I can be bothered that is!! )...
Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I am ME. I LIKE ME. I am OK" That's all there is to it!! I'm glad you've opened up a bit!!
Well that reply just made me smile... it felt weird lol
Thanks again.... I know what you mean about the black sheep thing though lol me to 😂
I think the thing I crave the most is having someone I can give everything to...
I’m not blaming my ex for my situation, I used to but I know now that these are my issues.
Me and my ex broke up 4 years ago... but what we had together is something I have never seen anyone have before... she was the only person who could bring the real me out... we had something that people I know who are married and have kids won’t have..
We both suffer from depression and anxiety... we live in a small village which makes its hard...
Despite all my faults I know the one thing I’m good at is caring for someone...
4 years we’ve been split up and any normal person would have moved on after 6 months.. but because I am who I am I can’t let things go... I’ve had 4 years of hell. I stupidly hold onto hope that some thing might happen which I actually no never will...
You know what, I’d love to feel one day what it feels like for someone to feel the same about me me as much I do about her...
Sorry another rant, I’ve started now and can’t stop 🙈😂
Well, glad I made you smile....Hopefully you will meet someone again (in the grand scheme of things 4 years is not really a long time)...
But if I were you I would try and have some "you" time for a while!! Learn to LIKE YOU again first and then who knows...Have some fun!!
Talking of fun....my bundle of joy has just brought me in a chinese meal..isn't that sweet?. (My bundle of joy is my 19 year old son by the way...my baby born out of wedlock..:-))
So going to go and stuff my face with food!! LOL!!
Hope to speak to you again...Remember what I said...Keep yer chin up!!
Have a lovely Easter Weekend too!! (Eat loads of chocolate!!)
Hope you enjoyed your meal...(And yes... I am a saddo that orders chips with everything. If I had been invited to the Last Supper I would have been the one at the end of the table saying "What..? No chips..?" LOL!!...
Hi Teddy88 and welcome to this caring forum. As jjj321 has posted, it may help you to begin to write down your thoughts and post them on the forum. Have you been to see your family doctor and spoken to him / her about how you are feeling? He / she will be able to suggest help and support to enable you to feel better. You will cope with this and begin to feel better with help and support such as medication, counselling, or cognitive behavioural therapy. You have done so well in expressing how you are feeling and you may like to have a look at MIND website mind.org.uk
MIND information line 0300 123 3393
If you are feeling distressed, please call The Samaritans Freephone 116 123
24 hour helpline 7 days a week.
If you are outside of the UK, please have a look at the pinned posts on the screen for crisis support helplines. Keep posting and take care. Thank you and best wishes.
When I first starting feeling like this and when I first got diagnosed I was in the Royal Navy... I had counselling they made me try group therapy... since I’ve been out I’ve been to private held care, I’ve been seen and spoke to many people, but I can never seem to talk when I’m there, they can’t help me because I can’t seem to tell them how I’m really feeling, I can’t get the words out when I’m there!! I don’t know how to talk about the things in my head..
Today and the things I’ve written on here is the most I’ve spoken about anything ever..
I think this and trying to open up is my last resort... I’m out of options.. I don’t know what to do anymore...
Please take a fresh look at the role of a counsellor. Consider this:
You are never more vulnerable than when you stand naked in front of a mirror. Human nature seems to ensure that when we gaze at our image and the personality that lies behind those eyes, we are soooo Judgmental. Some of us are very very poor at interpreting what we see and we are cruel to ourselves.
Yet, all of us feel a compulsion to stand in front of a mirror and make such judgements, even if it means wallowing in despair. Those of us who experience Depression have a strong emotional need to stand there repetitively and ask, “mirror, mirror, on the wall who is …”. We give ourselves the cruellest of answers. The habit becomes a form of self-harm and is, potentially, destructive of all that is worthy of praise.
Counselling, or as I would say ‘finding a skilled helper,’ means standing in front of your mirror with your helper alongside. You both tell and discuss what you see. Your ‘self-image’ (and mine) is an artful representation of how we think others see us. But in our minds, we sometimes create a characterization, cartoon, anime, manga … or simply a scream. Your helper will form an opinion and may, in time, share that opinion with you but from the outset will help and support you, as you begin to look at what you see in new ways. That will be your first step toward a new ‘reality’.
Oh, if you literally stand in front of the mirror, buy new boxers. Might as well start with a positive image!
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