Me

[Mikez12355]

Hello my name is Michael I am 62 years old I have suffered from depression since I was 17 everyday is a struggle for me I don't want to get too graphic but I've had a pretty long life of being pretty miserable my father passed away some 20 years ago I didn't think I would have it over that my sister passed away 5 years ago from Ms she was 5 years younger than me, and I think the final blow is when my mother passed away a year and a half ago in July sometimes I don't know how I'm able to go on but some how I do if I had a choice I would rather not but I'll leave it at that

[Suzie40]

Hi Michael, it's nice to meet you. Losing my Mum changed me in a way I never imagined. I don't have any words of wisdom but I really do understand how it feels x

[Mikez12355 in reply to Suzie40]

Thanks Suzie you know how hard it is when you lose someone I thought after a year-and-a-half things may have gotten a little easier but I think they're getting worse how about you

[Suzie40 in reply to Mikez12355]

My Mum died three years ago and I'm nowhere near 'over it'. People say you just learn to live with it - I'm not even sure how true that is. Not a day goes by that a memory of her doesn't make me feel sad; sometimes it's a song on the radio, or a memory of one her little idiosyncrasies. And that's just one person - I'm sure with the number of special people you have lost you must feel even worse x

[Mikez12355 in reply to Suzie40]

Nice to meet you too thank you for answering

[Mikez12355 in reply to Mikez12355]

Not to go on and on but I do have this tendency now that I'm living alone I talk to my mother whenever I'm late taking my pills I say I forgot my pills mom whenever I hear noises I say my will the noise ever end just never stops feel free to vent yourself I don't want to be the only one it's not fair just to b**** to someone bich to someone and not listen to them

[Mikez12355 in reply to Suzie40]

You're right everywhere you go anything you hear reminds me of everyone you put that together with always being depressed and I don't know how I go on sometimes you just get that empty feeling and it's just awful I go to my psychiatrist once a month and he seems to know my tendencies so he is very reluctant to hospitalize me which one to do any good anyway because I've been hospitalized six or seven times had seven shock treatments this was around 25 years ago well I think you know what I'm saying

[Suzie40 in reply to Mikez12355]

I don't know how bad your depression is, but I would always imagine hospitalisation being a last resort. Do you have a crisis team you can work with in bad times?

[Mikez12355]

Not really I go to the psychiatrist once a month I've tried almost every medicine and basically it can help me anymore but once in awhile it's good to vent and I need it for my insurance

[Mikez12355 in reply to Mikez12355]

Who do you go to in bad times

[Mikez12355 in reply to Mikez12355]

Seems like everytime I go to a psychiatrist or psychologist I am mentally drained for a good week I used to see a psychologist once every two weeks but I haven't gone in a while I just can't do it sometimes you just don't want to talk

[Suzie40 in reply to Mikez12355]

I see the community psychiatric nurse twice a month and I've seen a psychiatrist twice.

[Mikez12355 in reply to Suzie40]

I am not one to say some people it helps and some people it doesn't maybe you should give it a try a couple more visits just a thought not judging

[Suzie40 in reply to Mikez12355]

I take it you’re not in the UK Mike? Here you wait months to see someone and once you do they write you a prescription and you don’t see them again.

[Mikez12355 in reply to Suzie40]

Sorry did not know that I live in the u.s.

[Mikez12355]

Hi Goldie thank you for commenting to tell you the truth when I started to get depressed at 17 it just got worse and worse I tried to commit suicide a 30 or maybe mid-20s I can't remember I felt so guilty I called my dad and they rushed me to the hospital after that I was in and out five or six times I had seven shock treatments mainly I kept going because my dad my sister and my mom I know love me my dad has been dead 20 years my sister 5 and the icing on the cake my mother a year-and-a-half believe you me I think of suicide every day I always hope I would get something that I would die from but of course I'm in perfect health except for mentally I don't really know what keeps me going anymore I guess I'm looking for an easy way to go because if I don't succeed I know I'll be in deep s***

[Florida1959]

Hello there, death is a completely different feeling for me, the grief is such a different feeling to depression, I too understand, I lost my parents within 10 weeks of each other, and several friends recently, all I can say is that I carry them in my heart, talk to them as I used to do, don’t think you get over it, but it does ease with time , good luck .

[Mikez12355 in reply to Florida1959]

I have had severe depression since I was 18 I am now 62 so the depression and the Suicidal Thoughts I've had all my life or just made worse by the death of my family members the deaths themself to not bring on the depression it has been there quite a while

[Florida1959 in reply to Mikez12355]

Yes I can understand that, I too have suffered since the age of 16, stay strong Mike x

[Mikez12355 in reply to Florida1959]

You too thank you for contacting me

[Mikez12355 in reply to Mikez12355]

Sometimes I feel very guilty even complaining about my depression if you go out and you see people that can't see and cant walk and depend on other people just to live it's like a two way sword I know I feel awful but I know these people are worse I find this very hard to handle

[Florida1959 in reply to Mikez12355]

Hey we all feel like that, it’s a very isolating illness, you just want to hide away, don’t you, hard to push yourself, but onwards Mike, always here to chat to

[Mikez12355 in reply to Florida1959]

Thank you same here

[hypercat54]

HI Mike I too have suffered the loss of both my parents - my dad 9 years ago and my mum 5.

You don't ever get 'over' it but you learn to come to terms with it and move on with your life. It's true that it does change you forever but it helped that they both had long productive lives. I will always miss them and feel sad when I want them to be here for me.

You don't mention whether you have any other relatives you can talk about your dear lost ones with or good friends? Remembering and mourning your lost loved ones is natural but you also have to work on moving on yourself. Why not join an over 60's group or something? There is bound to be one in your area so google it.

You could also do other things such as volunteering if you are not already working. x

[Mikez12355]

I don't have many close friends I have a cousin left, sometimes it is hard for her to understand what's going on with me I've had depression over 45 years

[Ehsanbey]

Hi Michael

I read all your post, please accept my warm condolences because of your passed away dears, I pray for them to be in full peace.

I say pull all yourself together and hang on there.. Never ever lose your hope and stay positive.

Best wishes

[Mikez12355 in reply to Ehsanbey]

Thank you for you're comments ,hope you are doing ok

[Ehsanbey]

Thanks mate, hope you are well too

[DancingMama]

Hi Mike, I too am in my early sixties, I guess I would say medically diagnosed with Post Natal Depression when I was 30, I couldnt believe I had depression. But it opened up a right can of worms & apparently I had been suffering with depression since my mid teens. When I started putting one & one together. Both parents died when I was going. But I just put one foot in front of the other to survive, nothing else for it. After being diagnosed I was given ECT. Worst thing I ever did. Memory was blown to bits. I have struggled ever since. Pills work for a wee while then stop. I can't believe this is still prevailing.

Nice to meet you.

Tricia.

[Mikez12355 in reply to DancingMama]

I also had 7 ECT treatments just mentioning it I cringe they didn't help at all how awful when they came up to your room to give you a shot then you go downstairs and they buckle you up I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and you're right I did lose a lot of my memory most of it came back but something's I still can't remember it was one of the most awful things that ever happened in my life I agree with you 100% nice meeting you feel free to talk anytime, nice meeting you too.

[Towereast]

Mike - My darling brother has, granted, not passed away. I did lose my Mom (with whom I was very close) 7 years ago, and my beloved Dad many, many years ago. But my brother — my dearest friend and all my family — is moving to Maine in a couple of months, and I am devastated. People say, “Well, you can visit” and the like. But it’s not the same. We got together yesterday, had a fabulous time, and it seems to have made things worse. We have always had a fantastic time together and ..now .. well, I just want to tell you that I think I can relate well to your situation. I have also had depression since I was a young person and often — very often these days, and almost always in the morning — feel I can’t go on. I really identified with your post. Keep on plugging (I hate it when people say that) — but seriously, it’s like war. You just keep slogging. I will if you will. This morning was the worst ever .. my brother’s leaving. Well, it feels almost as if I can’t go on. But think of it!! I’ll go on for his sake. This is long, I know ... I’ll check with you tomorrow ... write me a little more about yourself if you want. I am also in my 60’s. Know that your situation is UNDERSTOOD - my first name is Barbara btw Bye for now

[Towereast]

Hi Michael, I identify EXACTLY with your situation. I just typed a lengthy response, but somehow it didn’t go through! I am so sorry. Just know that someone else (in her 60’s btw) has a very similar story to yours. Depressed since I can remember — tremendous losses and, as a result, difficulty just going on. My darling brother (who is, tragically for me, moving to Maine soon) says, “Barb, it’s like war. You just keep slogging”. I will if you will. Will try to write more soon — I hope this site will cooperate with my iPad. I seriously hope it will. Hope to “talk” again soon. Hang in there (actually, I hate it when people say that ) - take care, barbara

[Towereast]

Michael, I have tried now to respond to your post. I can identify deeply with your situation. My name is Barbara and I am also in my 60’s — huge losses. Serious trouble making myself go on. I won’t go on coz I’m afraid the site won’t take my Reply *again*. If it does not, I will call HU and ask what to do. But know that I feel exactly as you do. As my darling brother says, “Barb, it’s like war. You just keep slogging”. I will if you will. Will try to touch base later. Hang in there (I hate it when people say that) -barbara

[Towereast]

Michael, It’s Barbara. Let me know if you’ve received my responses. Thanks - I don’t see any indication that they’ve gone through

[Mikez12355 in reply to Towereast]

Hi Barbara I just received your tweets very much appreciated I see we have a lot in common thank you so much for your interest in me I wish you all the best also it's just so hard to function everyday it's just like a pain in the pit of your stomach I'm sure you know what I'm talkin about feel free to contact me anytime and I would be glad to listen to you also it's not a one-way Street thank you again

[Mikez12355 in reply to Mikez12355]

Once again I want to apologize I just got your responses this Sunday morning April 15th I usually always look but today's the first day I saw it feel free to contact me anytime

[Towereast in reply to Mikez12355]

Mike - thanks for the reply! Got a headache this morning (?) so will answer you — probably tomorrow — when feeling a bit better. Sorry for all the multiple msgs above New on the site, as you probably know. Hope you are managing ok and yes — I’ll get back to you soon! Thnx for the offer to correspond. Depression is just an horrendous condition ... best ...

[Mikez12355 in reply to Towereast]

Feel better

[Mikez12355 in reply to Mikez12355]

Hello Barbara I got your response 3 months ago and I'm not heard from you I hope you are all right

[Towereast]

Michael, I’ll try one more time. Although this is not my first, most lenthy, reply, I did Copy it, so I could paste it. It tells you just a little about my situation which sounds very similar to yours. Here goes: Michael, I have tried now to respond to your post. I can identify deeply with your situation. My name is Barbara and I am also in my 60’s — huge losses. Serious trouble making myself go on. I won’t go on coz I’m afraid the site won’t take my Reply *again*. If it does not, I will call HU and ask what to do. But know that I feel exactly as you do. As my darling brother says, “Barb, it’s like war. You just keep slogging”. I will if you will. Hang in there (I hate it when people say that) -barbara