Feeling OK, today been off the sauce for 9 days which is pretty good for me. I have two days off from work starting from tomorrow. I think I spend too much time on my own in the evenings and weekends. You have to have a balance between being social and being alone. Alone time can be good- r&r for example.
I go on holidays to the seaside- but from leaving the B&B at 9am and coming back to the B&B to your room, in the evening how alone and meaningless you are. It would be OK for a year or so but year after year it has a reinforcing effect. No children, no partner. Father died 5 years ago. 2 sisters and a mum thats good. I just feel so valueless and bored. NO that's just self pity.
As an aside one question that has been highlighted recently is what happened to Clarke Carlisle the ex footballer.
Should a person be accountability for their actions during a depressive episode?
Apparently he was drink driving and has a history or self destructive acts, card fraud etc.
I hope everybody is well- LET'S TAME THE BLACK DOG.
Andy
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Humphrey42
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Andy Im going to give you the same advice I gave the young lockenvar, find your passion. Find the one thing you could do from morning till night and enjoy it!
For example, learn to play an instrument, create something, invent something just for the sake of it, something for your home, write a book ( I love thrillers). Collect Antiques find out about them, learn to fly, sail, Morris Dance (all in that order!). Give your brain something else to chew on. Honestly if you could find something you want to learn thats new your brain would love it! A language, how to code on a computer, how to DIY something, the origins of the world, history, art....something help me out here create a comic, become a chef.
And if none of that grabs you, well maybe a little voluntary work once a week, say helping out at the Scouts or something would take you out of yourself.
If I wasn't back at school and I was more organised I'd be building a rocket to the moon as it is I have to face Wordpress....aaaahhh I hate websites!
Fancy dress, that's it add an extra element, dress as the back half of a pantomime horse and build a school whilst cooking a curry, then lets see you feel useless...taddar, I know I know I should be on the apprentice.
It ISN'T about doing stuff or being valuable, its about entertaining you, engaging you.
You aren't on this planet to be useful, if you are well great but first and foremost you are here to experience life and that includes fun ..gosh darn it.
SO DON'T STOP ANDY not for anyone, you find that crazy thing you love and persue it until you kill it! errr sorry complete it... haha
Hannah get the rousing music and lets all have a dance.!
Hi Andy and well done for staying off the sauce for 9 days. You will see what a difference it makes. Now is the time to find that something different. My suggestion to you for today is just do something slightly different ; something you don't normally do. It doesn't have to be a massive thing but maybe just think about going to a different shop from your normal one; if there is anyone at all who you know then try phoning their number ( I don't know many people really and I am terrible for phoning numbers as I don't like potentially annoying people; so make sure it is at a sensible time such as late afternoon or very early evening and just say "Hello I hope I haven't bothered you; just wondering how you were". If you don't know anyone to do that with don't feel bad either; think of something else. You will feel a bit bored where drink has taken the place before which is why I say that now is the time to do that different thing. Is there a park near to you where you could go for a walk or could you ever think about having a pet or joining a drawing group or do you have anything you are a little interested in? I know it's hard as I find the same but sometimes it can spark some sort of interest. I like the phrase "just do it" as that can work for me sometimes. I decide to start to do something regardless of how I feel and see if I can carry on with it. Maybe treat yourself to a DVD if you have a DVD player and see if you can get interested in it but best if it's something where you interact with others I think.
I am on my own too and get moods like you do but then I try and think of the advantages of being on my own and at least I don't have to put up with someone I don't like, so that is a bonus! Gemma
Hello Andy
I suppose I am lucky having Pax and Hazel, although we do not go out much, we only go around to a Widow next door for a coffee and talk about our dogs and gardening. Suppose in a way it is nice when we can call over the hedge when we see each other.
We are away on holiday Friday and I will still be tapping out on this old keyboard when away. We have good contacts here, many are very supportive,and very nice.
Sometimes I wonder what many on here look like and what would happen if we were all too meet. I have an active imagination and sometimes that can be my worse enemy.
When I was at work or when I do not like someone I try imagining them with no clothes on, that can buck up my mood no end.
Pax was having clips out at the vets today and He had the clinic in raws of laughter as He went around all the people with their dogs and was rolling on His back for a tummy rub.
When He went in he had the nurse and vet in their own stitches of laughter while they worked on him, He is a real ham
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create a comic, become a chef. 
Help me please 
Good Reason to Live
More in keeping with a confession
Do I ask him or am I just being silly. Is it confusion, depression or true feelings?
Lonely and hopeless 
