I messed up!

[Tillz14]

I'm back again, as I've recently relapsed with alcohol. I don't know what I was thinking or why I have done it. I regret it so much as I was doing so well without it but I've gone a whole week of just pure binge drinking and not going to university. I've tried to take my life twice within this time.

I'm feeling the effects of withdrawal, like sweating, headaches etc. But I just really worry that I will relapse again and one day I'll succeed in suicide. Drunk me wants to die, sober me doesn't. I feel like I'm fighting something that's too strong.

My mum died of alcoholism and I just worry the same will happen to me. I have a husband who I don't want to see hurt, as I know how it feels.

Thanks for any feedback! It would be nice to hear any advice people may have to help me through my rough patch. Or even just someone to chat to.

[Suzie40]

My Mum died of alcoholism too, but I won't let that happen to me. Here anytime you want to chat x

[Tillz14 in reply to Suzie40]

It's nice to know someone has been through a similar situation. What do you do to avoid it? If you have any ways? Do you ever drink at all?

[Suzie40 in reply to Tillz14]

For many years I didn’t touch a drop. Just the thought of seeing Mum staggering round the house drunk was enough to put me off drinking. After she died I went on a massive binge and then nothing for almost two years. These days I drink sometimes. I think I’ve got the gene to be a drinker, so I avoid temptation. I tend not to go to pubs and I avoid keeping drink in the house. Christmas and my birthday were weak spots - everyone seemed to buy me wine and the house was full of it. I recognised my Mum in me and it scared me.

My partner is an alcohol detox Nurse so hearing some of his horror stories is a pretty good deterrent too. What do you find to be your triggers?

[Tillz14 in reply to Suzie40]

It's helpful to hear that you've managed to come out of it on top. My triggers are stress, when I seem to have too much pressure on me and when people don't treat me very well. I obviously remove them from my life but I find it hard to believe that they could be the way they are. I never thought I'd drink again after my mum passed and then I ended up drinking for almost a year a bottle of wine a day... then it became two and that's when I realised I needed to stop.

[Fanto]

I have not touched alcihol since the Xmas before last. Suffered from depression and anxiety I drinked to exerstreme the days after I felt much worse. Alcihol was not my friend.

[Fanto]

I have stopped taking Xanax binge eating shopping have great health but I have left my house go and now are over with my home ..... I have to get my life back.

[lin62-65ze]

I am not alcohol dependent myself but have a son who got into trouble due to drinking excessively. You sound young and are studying, I know how much pressure this is for you, alcohol is everywhere, on TV in cafes, adverts you name it. Have you tried CBT? Have you been to Alcoholics Anonymous? I ask this my son was sent to a alcohol dependency group and found he was to intelligent for the class!! With your mother being dependant on drink its a worry for you but you can conquer this with positive help. My worry is your trying to commit suicide when you are obviously crying out for help. May I suggest going to your GP and stating you need help, a counseller who will listen to you. My son would have been on the streets if it wasn't for me. Please get help today if possible and contact me anytime, Helen 💐💐💐😃

[En1234]

"Messed Up"??......You are human honey!! We ALL mess up sometimes!!

Oh listen, please don't beat yourself up after your short relapse. In the grand scheme of things one week is not a long time. I am so glad you didn't manage suicide. You are obviously meant to be here!!..

I stopped drinking last year and have not yet reached the One Year Mark yet. AA is not for me but I have found my own ways of coping. The last three months for me have been hell and the temptation to reach for the bottle was always there. I left my job because I could not stand working with toxic people anymore. (Long story) but they were no good for me. I left myself with no job and I have a mortgage and bills to pay. I eventually found a new job which I start next month, but I kept telling myself that if I could get through this period of my life without alcohol (when I really wanted it) then I can get through anything.

I bought myself a book called "The Unexpected Joy of being Sober" by Catherine Gray. It is a truly inspirational read. I read it in one day. I just could not put it down. She was in her 30's when she decided alcohol was not for her and she had her relapses etc but if I could suggest one thing for you to do today, it would be to get this book. (Its a good laugh too...not dead serious and boring)...

You can only do one day at a time and when you fall on your bum, the only thing you can do is get up and start again. You are not the only person who has done this (I don't know what is round the corner for me - I may have a relapse soon.. I don't know, can't predict the future, but for today I am fine).

Stand up, dust yourself down, hold your head and your chin up and start again....

Please keep posting, would be good to keep in touch!!

Sending a massive big hug from someone who knows all too well how you are feeling!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Squire14]

Been there! My last bingeing was 5 weeks, totally in a mess, drinking Whiskey morning noon and night. Been clean for 2 Months. I’m the same, hit such a high, it leads to a fall, then the alcohol becomes a crutch. Over the days, this gets heavier, eventually becoming house bound to bottles of Whiskey. I also feel, useless, can’t get a grip on reality, letting my kids and family down.......the list goes on!

I hope you’ve got over your withdrawals okay, it’s the worst feeling in the world, as well as dangerous! People who don’t binge just don’t understand. I actually had to detox myself gradually cutting down until I was well enough to eat and return to a normal life.

I have swore that’s it, I’ve had enough, so back at the gym and looking at other options to stay busy and healthy, as well as tackling my negative thoughts, mental stability and battling depression head on. You could use your University studies as a tool to focus and create targets for.

I hope you can relate to this, and I’m here if you need to talk, even sober me has thoughts of self destruction, but feeling fantabalistic will overcome this illness.😁x