Hi this is odd i'm on this site because i never thought i would be here but i don't know if i'm just going crazy or what but i'm not myself. i thought i dealt with depression a long time ago in my early 20s, i'm 26 now and to give a bit of background i attempted my life on 2 occasion in my earlier years, i suppose i went in a depressed state. i was molested at 6 years old but never spoke on it, i got bullied a bit but who doesn't? I later suffered 2 miscarriages, one at 20 and the other at 22, i never felt pain like that before i sometimes to this day can get so upset like it happened to me yesterday. i'm shaking as i type because i never speak on certain things i go through much. A couple years ago i was raped by someone i trusted but i never reported him because i didn't think anyone would believe me and to be honest i shouldn't have put myself in a situation where it ended up happening but now i'm back to being really low. I thought i had stopped self harming but recently i somehow ended up cutting my arms and thighs when i got overly emotional.
I worry am bipolar i looked at symptoms and i seems to have had these same symptoms for the past few months intensely and when i think back to a few things in my past it also makes more sense. But i have been coping day to day going to work but inside i'm not ok. I spoke to my doctor who's put me on Citalopram and i'm seeing if this works but he also wants me to go to therapy.
Im so sorry this is so long but has anyone else suffered this?
I think i just passed a "mania faze" like being really positive and over thinking so many thoughts quickly, i had all these new ideas and plans, my emotions were so intense when i was angry it was times 100, i was spending a bit and i thought i was seeing dark shadows i don't know. But now i'm currently extremely low, i lost interest in practically everything i do, i only get up to go work because i have to, i have no desire to do anything. I cry often, drink often at night. My sleep pattern is completely off, i'm always waking up in the middle of the night and i'm just tired even when i've slept all day. The second i open my eyes i feel low and already want the day to be over. I am struggling to complete anything, simple task i usually do have now become struggles and i don't know if i am being paranoid but i think people are either doing things to upset me or get at me. I also at times forget if i have done something or not but i would be convinced i have as dumb as it sounds like i would be sure i opened the window but then moments later its closed and i don't remember closing it or if i even opened it? I don't know whats happening to me? Please someone help. Im afraid to tell my doctor everything because i do not want to get put away in a mental home.