I think I'm depressed

[dpindoria1980]

Hi all,

I am new to all this but here goes. I have never been much of a talker when it comes to emotions.

I think I am depressed..

I lost my dad a year a go and I don't think I'm over it. every time I go out a get drunk and emotional. this has happened a few times now and I regret every bit of it. I am taking my emotions out on my wife and I have said some terrible things which I don't mean. she hates me and I don't know what to do about it.

we sent out o Saturday with friends and I got drunk and started shouting at her, she started crying but I didn't care. i also said things that i really regret.

I would like to think that this had all come out from my dads death but I feel its been a build up over years.

i have never been able to talk to anyone about my feelings and emotions. my wife does but i never open up. i think its the way i have been brought up. i grew up in a home were know one spoke.

i think i need help.

[sandraclark777]

I am sorry to hear you're having such a problem. Firstly I would really say that your wife should hear from you that you really regret taking these feelings out on her. She is standing by you so far it seems. I'm alone and believe me it makes everything worse. Together you could perhaps find some help for the problems you face.

I wish you all the very best.

Sandra. Kent. UK

[dpindoria1980 in reply to sandraclark777]

Hi Sandra,

thank you for commenting, I have tried to tell her how bad I feel but she is still angry and upset with me. I think I need to give her space.

[Photogeek]

Hi there I am not going to be all Politically correct here. You need to stop drinking as you obviously get abusive when drink has been taken. That's the first thing I would do in your shoes. If your wife sees you making this effort, she may forgive you. It's horrible to be shouted at etc, even if the person is drunk, give up drink and your problems will be all but solved.

We all lose people , parents die, that's life but be firm and face your problems. Good luck.

Hannah

[Angep]

Hi there, firstly it takes more than a year to get over losing a parent after all you've had them a life time!! And it's so devastating because you realise your life will never quite be the same again!! I lost my mum and the times I thought oh I must ring my mum and tell her this or tell her that!! Then I realise I can't. Christmas, birthdays, Father's Day, they will feel sad to you particularly so soon into losing your dad. It's really common in the older generation no to talk about problems!! Stiff upper lip and all that!! But bottling it up inside is so destructive as you can now see. Unfortunately your wife is getting the brunt of it. If you know you're going to explode when you have a drink then it really is best that you don't drink, for both of your sakes. You need to see your doctor, ask to see a bereavement councilor. You need to talk to someone. It makes you no less of a man to do that. To me that makes you more of a man by trying to sort it out. You've lost your dad, don't lose your marriage too. I know she's angry at you, and she has a right to be. Perhaps if you go to doctors and try get help she may be more forgiving. You have to keep talking to her though, if she won't listen then just say youl wait till she's ready. Youl be ok, youl get through it but get some help and support. Good luck👍🙏🏻

[LoriMS61]

Hi,

First of all I wanted to express my condolences. I'm on the waiting list to see a psychologist, and I am hoping she will help me deal with my grief. I hope you get the help you need.

I can offer you a unique perspective on your situation, in that my husband lost his parents and used to take his pain out on me. He never drank, but if he was angry or upset I was there for him. I was also there for him when he needed a place of safety, and I was there for him when he needed reminding of who he was.

About a year after he recovered I lost two people who I love. On top of the loss of his parents and some other confusing losses I fell apart. He became my sounding board, my whipping post. Sometimes I was aware of it and other times I couldn't control it.

Forgive me if I am incorrect here, but I know that when I have a drink I am giving myself permission to do things that I wouldn't do sober. Whether that be liquid courage to sing kareeoke or to dance like no one is watching. I know what alcohol does to me, and when I take that first sip, I know I'm entering into a land of lowered inhibitions, drunk phone calls and sore feet.

You clearly know what alcohol does to you, and you give yourself permission to say the things you want to say when you are sober. You have chosen an unhealthy coping habit, and trust me, my waistline is familiar with unhealthy coping strategies.

I find that I am a much more eloquent person in writing because I allow myself the time to pick my words carefully. Perhaps you could write your wife a letter. She will have to take the time to read it, and it's also hard to disagree/ interrupt the written word.

You can open up to us too, but think about it from your wife's point of view. She knows that you are going to drink and say mean things to her. Would you want to willingly put yourself in that position?

You need to get help and learn how to deal with your feelings and experiences in a healthy way. And then you need to share your experiences so that others can learn from you.

Instead of reaching for alcohol, reach out for your wife. Give her time to cool down, but let her know that you love her. She's lost her Father in law, and she's also lost you.

Lori