I don't know any more

[Themalemind]

I just don't know how to feel or what to think anymore. I keep coming back on here. Making a blog. Trying to get fundraising for my parents but I just don't know. I feel like I'm panicking. All my feelings and thoughts are building up to something and it feels horrible!

[sweetiepye]

To be brutally honest , you're way of asking for donations to pay off your parents mortgage. is quite self serving . We all have wants and needs but we work for them or go without. Our mission here is not to make you happy , rather it's to support you through your mental illness. No one can make you better, we can advise you ,but you have to do the work. The same is true of helping your parents. You're going to have to work for it, it won't be given. Sometimes the truth is harsh Pam

[sweetiepye]

Wow, I didn't see that coming. Ouch. I know you mean it in a thoughtful and caring way . A 20 year old is a man, or well on his way to becoming one. Certainly accountable for his actions. I did not mention the blog so I take no responsibility for that. His happiness, I have no control over I can only speak to his illness in general terms. I did not criticize his wanting to help his parents only the way he is going about it.Blame ????? Your reply has made me so happy. That was your intention, right? Pam

[hypercat54]

Pam is right in what she says. Fund raising is strickly not allowed on this site or on any HU site.

Pam has been on here for a long time and replies to a lot of people. She is genuine and caring and deserves a bit of respect. I think she was fine in what she said. x

[Foof]

Hello and just a word to say ..don’t stop expressing yourself in your blog. It is and will be part of your self knowing and therefore healing process.

With regards to money.

It is a prison of your own making.

That does not take away from those people who have so little they can barely eat, but in those circumstances you will find some of the most inspirational people.

Money is simply an energy. Look at it. Bits of paper and metal and yet it is worshipped beyond any other god in this world.

Why?

Because it can provide everything you desire? Make all the bad stuff go away? Make people respect and admire you? And then the old adage of

I would rather be unhappy and rich then unhappy and poor...

Do you know who is responsible for your happiness?

You. 100% you.

And who is responsible for your parents happiness?

Exactly. They are.

And if you and your parents completely embraced that responsibility, how would it impact on each other?

People who take care of their own happiness in turn make other people happy. By default.

It is wonderful that you want to support and help your parents. The best way you can do that is to take control of your own life. That is the best gift you can give to any parent, the acknowledgement that their child is ok and more then ok.

They probably feel the most appalling guilt at how their condition has clearly affected your life. But mental health doesn’t let anyone of the hook.

It maybe that your sadness and impotence to help them in turn adds to their sadness and impotence to help you. It perpetuates it into a vicious circle.

Pam is absolutely right in her advice. This site won’t enable you, it will challenge you to think of alternatives.

What is it you think money will change?

Break it down. Security for your parents by having no mortgage? That is their role and I’m putting this gently, patronising of you to consider that as an option.

The drive to survive makes us get up, go out and find the resources we need to survive. It affects mental health and mental health affects our ability to do that.

But it doesn’t stop the sun from shining, or the trees growing...and that was here centuries before us and will carry on after.

So what are the feelings you are chasing via money? Are they viable? And why can’t you have them without the money?

Explore and learn about gratitude and then use the exercises to practise it.

To quote Eckhart Tolle

It is not what happens to us that causes our suffering, it is the way we FEEL about it.

Simples. Change the way you feel.

[J2DTX]

I just recently build a blog. It takes time and consistency to build your audience . I know how difficult it is to get the courage to do that . Hang on. Don’t give up. What’s the link to your blog ?

[sweetiepye]

The word of the day is sarcasm .

[Foof]

Many of the posters on here are fragile, but we don’t become less fragile or more resilient if we don’t take risks.

Joining this community is a risk and very important first step in building that strength.

I have read many of the posts and they are incredibly supportive. Partly because everyone on here knows or continues to feel fragile.

It also provides a very safe space to challenge people’s thoughts and actions, because that challenge is done with ansolutely the right motive. To support somebody’s thought processes that might not be healthy.

In my opinion that is exactly what Pam has done here.

But I also see that you have a lot of pain and that it made you feel incredibly vulnerable and hurt...?

It had a personal resonance for you?

Callous and careless throwaway comments can do as much damage as deliberate put downs and verbal bullying.

That is not what was happening here.

Part of offering real,support is to speak unpleasant truths, and often that has to be done in a clear, potentially blunt, way.

Because that truth is holding someone back or adding to their suffering.

Eg, we have all seen the terrible singers on X factor that truly believe they have a huge talent. As a real friend do you be honest about their dubious talents or do you go along with their belief because you love them and don’t want to hurt them?

These people are then essentially humiliated on national tv. Ok, so they get invited onto the BIG show and in some cases they are taken to peoples hearts....but most?

Protecting somebody from a truth is not necessarily love.

It is protecting yourself from having to witness their struggle to deal with the truth.

And the person can be damaged by your attempt to protect them

Xxxxxxxx