Lost direction in life, is it worth it anymore ?

[pinky5155]

I am a 62 year old twice widower, I live alone and really just exist day to day, I feel very unsure about my future and have very few friends to talk to about the way I feel. I get down a lot and have often thought of ending it but I don't have the courage or maybe deep down I don't want to. I worry about everything and everybody although I feel that no one cares about me. I just want to sleep all the time to escape the world. I have as long as I can remember never felt happy although lately it has become worse, it's like I am in a dark place and can't find my way out, any interests that I used to have are now gone and even when I switch the tv on I am asleep within a few minutes, I walk around the shops just to be near other people but when I return home I feel so alone, my dad suffered from mental problems and I think I have inherited it from him.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Pinky5155 and welcome to this supportive community of like minded people. I was so sorry to read that you feel so alone and despondent. You are not alone, as this community will tell you shortly. There are people that care about you. Have you spoken with your Doctor about how you feel? Just because your Dad had mental health problems doesn't mean you do too. Most of what you are saying is down to bereavement and loneliness and totally understandable. It is very good that you are going out and about, sometimes smiling at a stranger or saying good morning to someone who is passing you can make all the difference when they smile and answer you. Have you thought about getting an animal to keep you company. When I found myself alone after many years with my partner I bought a rescue dog and she has become my faithful companion and strangers now stop and speak to us when we are out. She has given me a purpose. It may not be the answer for you but I hope this post does help you. Also please find below some information you may find useful.

Best wishes to you.

Samaritans - 116 123.

Crisis helplines in UK USA and International (found in our 'Pinned Posts').

[pinky5155 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you for replying I do have a dog called Oliver and he is a great comfort to me, I just wish that sometimes I had someone to talk to.

[PNIAuthor60]

Welcome Pinky5155, sorry to hear that you are feeling so down but grateful that you came here. This is a wonderful community of people, supportive, loving, encouraging - I live alone, too, with my feline roommate Maio but I am developing new interests and trying to keep on top of things as I have several chronic illnesses.

Your reaching out to the community means that there is still hope. Listen to the wisdom of our Administrator and come back as often as is necessary.

I find that the times I thought of ending it all was when I was so tired of feeling the way that you do, but I didn't want my life to end, I just didn't understand how to relieve the despairing feelings.

Recently, I painted my first picture at an event called Paint Nite and then I came home and found YouTube videos on painting/drawing for beginners and hope to try some more here at home. Learning new things helps the brain.

What is your diet like?

[pinky5155 in reply to PNIAuthor60]

I work nights so I tend to survive on ready meals sandwiches etc, I have a couple of hot meals a couple of times a week. I eat a lot of junk food and I have lost the will to care about myself or my health.

[PNIAuthor60 in reply to pinky5155]

In my own recovery, I have learned how powerful it is to eat nutritionally and routinely because our diet can impact our neurology. So tweaking your diet just a bit could help you in a big way.

Do you hydrate yourself with water on a daily basis, this too is important as our body needs water for many of its functioning systems.

Thanks for your honest response - eat any fruit?

[pinky5155]

Hi PNIAuthor60

The last couple of years have been the hardest of my life I lost a wife in 2001, remarried and lost a second wife a year ago both from cancer, at 62 it makes for a pretty empty future, I don't have many friends and most of them have families of their own to worry about, I feel that I need to improve my diet and take more care of myself in order to get back on my feet, being from the UK I drink lots of tea not so much water and yes I do eat fruit.

[Betty30 in reply to pinky5155]

Hi Pinky! You sound like a very nice, very upfront, honest man...and Pinky, let me say this: OH MY to be only 62 again!!! I am 80 and may not look like it or act it..and I don't like thinking "oh my you old thing, you are 80! ) But here is my idea...Could you ask your dr or somehow find out if there is a support group you could actually meet with in person...?? I have a feeling you would benefit (as well as help others and THAT always helps)... Anyway, just a thought. Sending you my very best wishes and you take care. Betty

[pinky5155 in reply to Betty30]

Betty thank you for your suggestion, I will ask about a group and see if there is one in the area, i know that the winter brings people down so maybe with spring around the corner and lighter nights things will get better.

[charlieab]

Hi Pinky

Im sorry to hear that you are feeling low atm. I can sympathise 100%. I especially get that feeling of being in a dark place and not knowing how to find a way out. It sounds trivial but maybe small steps could be a way forward. Im starting to think that in my case. Like maybe each day doing a bit more to improve your mood, such as making sure that you chat to a friend or colleague eevry day, get some exercise, maybe sign up for a local group (support group or m,aybe soemthing like walking group).

Sounds like, like me, you are pretty depressed atm and I know that can make it hard to do the things that can improve mood. I know i should eat well but atm mostly feel too ill (with autoimmune blood clotting disorder and too depressed) to really bother. It can be a viscious spiral down but can be changed into a virtous circle up I think. Ive just eaten some salmon for my brain health so I guess that is one positive thing today (for me not the salmon so much) and have tried abit of gentle running (albeit only on the spot).

In the deep dark depths of depression at the tail end of winter it can be easy to thimnk that there is little to look forward to. But I think that is the depression talking. Depression can lift and good days can find their way in. Here's hoping that quickly happens for both of us and other folk on this site with depression.

cheers

R

[pinky5155 in reply to charlieab]

Hi Charlieab

It's like one minute I'm ok and the next theres this darkness that covers the sky and a horrible feeling of nothingness around me and a sick feeling in my tummy and I start to panic, it's awful, I tried to steer away from pills and drugs as I wanted to fight this naturally but I don't seem to be doing much of a job. Then a voice inside me says get yourself together and be a man, stop being a wimp and I try to focus on something else and it lifts the gloom a little.

I tend to hide away in music and listen to tracks that I find comforting, I guess we all do that to help us, I spend too much time thinking about the world and the terrible things that go on which is not good I know because it leads me back to the dark place again.

My lovely dog is such a good friend and although he can't talk he always seems to know the right time to sit with me and I see through his eyes a message that say's It will be alright dad.

[Lizbett]

Hi Pinky. Am sorry to read how poorly you're feeling. Many people who suffer from mental health issues have a propensity for isolation be it intentional or otherwise.

I feel that you would benefit hugely from volunteering in something that really interests you. Also, if you have a smartphone, consider downloading the app Meetups. It is here you will find various social groups based on interest like bush walking, etc. Give it a go .... you have nothing to lose. Altetnatively, you could try joining a church group. You NEED to get out of the house and mix with people. Once you start doing this, I think you will find your life starting to improve bit by bit.

Blessings.

[pinky5155]

Hi Lizbett, I will admit that I do feel better when I am away from this house, I will have a look at the app and see what is in my area, we have a hospice locally maybe I could do some gardening there or some thing.

Thanks again.

[Ehsanbey]

Hello dear Pinky5155

I am very sorry about your condition, you are so welcomed here, there are people who care about you, I am here and I care a lot, I managed to understand you somehow cause me myself have a mother who lives by her own in another town, she divorced from my dad, I am always supportive toward her and keep encouraging her to look after her life and seek whatever makes her happy even I told her many times that if she anytime wanted to marry again she got me on her side and I am there for her, she is 59 now, so never is late for doing whatever keeps you feel alive and active, plz go out more, meet people, dont be ever afraid of being rejected, there are plenty of people out there which may be more than happy to meet you, you seem very kind n lovely woman, so plz do it for others lets them meet a nice person like you, never feel shy and never push yourself back, think I am a far son of yourself.. never lost your hope, until we breath there is time for any action, hope you read this n find it helpful, sorry for my eng.