Hello, may name is ERAS and my life is strange to me. I don't think I am depressed, maybe introverted a little but for the the majority I feel dead. I can't find what's wrong with me. Today is Tuesday I think and my birthday is in like a couple days so I've been reflecting a lot. Truth be told I genuinely feel I am unique in my condition. Why? Well for awhile I have pondering life and although it is certainly something I can only find myself in the middle as it were. A person could be furious in front of me make me feel awful except I don't really feel awful so whatever anyone says to me I just auto respond to whatever in think of at that moment. I feel very in touch with my human nature but as of late its been taking its toll to the point i'm starting to lose my grip on reality. Life is just...so...I don't know really it isn't anything but what it is is just simply that and i'm sorta not but am okay with it. Like I said I live in the middle so many of my interactions are autopilot really as it is easy to exude behavior required in a particular social setting. I also do not have an identity of my own I just emulate others, picking apart the more notable pieces adding them to my collection to be used again to achieve whatever temporary pleasure I want to distract myself with at any time. The closest I've ever gotten to figuring it out was is this, "Life is strange so, I don't know". Think about it for however long you will and lets reflect. What I mean is life is honestly what it is but stays that way and after you've had everything surprisingly you don't wind up with nothing you end up with an ambiguous feeling that I can only summarize as I don't and know. Not Boredom. Imagine Being in a room with no color or anything after a awhile you get a little restless or crazy but then you grow tired of that and end up with what I feel. Nothing, only its not nothing but something else. I'm sorry for being so vague but i just don't know anymore. Frankly death is starting to look good right now.
I want to make a few things clear before anyone responds.
I have a life, hobbies and relationships.
I do not do drugs anymore.
I have seen multiple psychologists over a long period of time.
I do not have trouble sleeping or dreaming.
I'm not bored. Just tired of everything including boredom.
I have a good diet and I exercise.
Please someone, is there anything, does anybody know what i'm feeling. Is this just what happens when you've gone so far down the rabbit hole that reality doesn't feel real anymore. Life is strange so, I don't know.
Written by
ERAS
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hi ERAS, yes you are unique in your thoughts, as everyone is, if you think about it we develop by what we experience so would be very difficult to experience everything exactly the same as someone else.
I know it's all the rage to class depression as an illness and maybe quite rightly, but just think depression means despondent, cut off from things, you sound like you are feeling a little this way at the moment.
But importantly you have not felt like this your whole life, so try not to let your thoughts tell you that this is what your life amounts to, because it's far from it. Sometimes we do just get trapped in this mindset and its hard to see past it.
There can be so many reasons, this time of year especially can affect us because of the lack of warmth and sunshine, there really are so many environmental and sociological factors we can drive ourselves nuts trying to understand how we got to where we are.
I find myself down that same rabbit hole quite often, but the path that led me there is always just a little different from the one before, so the climb out can also call for a different strategy, and often I personally find I over think it too much and practice accepting I have these thoughts and trying to let them go after that so that I can get on with what I like more.
Sounds so simple, but it never is, but I find if I keep giving myself that caring understanding which for some reason it seems easier to give to others than reflect inwardly when we need it, it makes it easier to accept some days are crap but some are fantastic.
So please don't be afraid that tomorrow will always be the same, your feelings will change just as you change with every experience that comes your way.
This is a friendly place to come I find, where there are so many compassionate understanding friends that are always there to reach down the rabbit hole to lend a helping hand.
Life evolves in its various stages biologically and life evolves socially in the sense that as you grow up you slowly adapt your mental maturity according to your age and the society. The key to live your life happily is to keep it simple, respect everyone and free your mind from needless worries.
at each of stages of maturity it's about finding that balance between what life expects from you and your self-conscience or self awareness. By that I mean learning the difference between right and wrong and acknowledging that elements of life and behaviour have their limits, go pass that limit and that offset in the balance will have a consequence on you or someone else. you either become aware of this by seeing things around you or by learning this from life experience but which ever way you see it, ultimately, its about striking that balance between the two. this is very evident in real life. think of it as knowledge of yourself with respect to living in society and knowledge of a spiritual kind - your self-awareness. the two go hand in hand to guide each other and guide you. This not something you can read from a book, as learning or reading literature can't equate to practical experience (because for literature to be valid you need practical proof it is right) but in a way could guide you in the right direction but that is all down to how impartial that guidance is, as some spiritual guidance can be bound to promote a spiritual/religious institute.
some people are either too bound to society and social trends and norms and don't realize this self awareness or some are too self aware that they simply can't integrate in society so either way, you can see how this imbalance occurs.
That balance also exists in your self-conscience and learning to judge that balance when your thought or action is right or wrong towards others. You might say that giving a pound to a homeless person is wrong because it could be used to promote their drug use or some say there is no harm. in India some "apparent" homeless have credit cards and lavish lifestyle! so they aren't homeless and give to one and you're engulfed by them all. So here your judgement between right and wrong is a balance.
Balance is also key for your mind and body too. you can't expect your mind to think clearly if you have neglected your body. They need each other to survive and we learn this from having gone through depression that what the mind does to the body's chemistry and how actions by the body affects the mental state of our mind.
When you have this balance, life goes on as normal and you live each day as it comes but learning this takes time and patience. never indoctrinate others to think your way as we all have our own separate journeys to make and we are not aware of their entire situation, as they could be bound to others in life like children and partners and their responsibilities towards them.
Hope this helps in some way. sorry if i waffled too much but that's my view on life.
I'd say you are definitely suffering from some kind of breakdown or depression. I say that not because Im an expert but because many years ago I had a similar spell. I didn't care about what anyone said, I didn't care about anyone or anything . or so I thought . I was in the middle of a breakdown. It went on until I tried to harm myself and ended up in a psychiatric hospital for several months.
Please go again to your GP or whoever you see and ask for help. This is not your personality I don't think. It sounds to me as if your brain is very tired of coping and is just shutting down on those emotions.
I can remember thinking like you that I did not have a single thought or preference of my own. I didn't know what music was my own taste or what books I liked. It was such an empty feeling that I thought there was no point in living. There was . I was just I'll.
There are always people here to talk to as well but you really do need to take this to an expert. Well that's my opinion
it sounds like you have got depression also anxiety I feel like that sometimes plz e-mail me get a response I feel for u in your situation e-mail forret_1969@live.com.
Hello there I am sorry you are feeling this way. Can I ask have you had some major distressing things happen of late? Have things happened way back that are affecting you now? It sounds like depression to me? Do you feel you are "pretending life" ? Shoes that make sense? Going thru the motions as it were. I agree with what the others have said and please see a doctor. Take care
I have had similar thoughts and feelings to yourself at times and sometimes just to be numb has been more desirable than the thoughts and emotions giving me so much grief. Death has seemed like an option but it has too great an impact on others and it is a bit too final.
The thing that perhaps has kept me gong is a little bit of curiosity.
Life is Strange. What can I find out?
I don't know so i want to understand.
Maybe curiosity and desire for more and different.
Maybe schizoid disorder? I've got that. Never had a love-life. In spite of offers. "Don't leave" from a really nice girl, late at night, and I left. A schizoid can have sex, and enjoy it, but doesn't really need it.
I feel detached ALL the time.
Most psychiatrists don't even know about it. It's rare.
Hello ERAS
Hello, welcome to to the real world, your attitude seems just so, so.
Life for you is like picking apples of a tree, some fruit has fallen of while other apples you only have to reach out and pick, of course some of the Apples you reach out for are higher up so you need to step on tiptoes to reach the best fruit and you fall back and have dizzy turns as you reach out of your comfort zone.
Personally I wonder what you want out of life. Generally life is so very so, so we cannot reach out of our comfort zone to hit on that lovely ripe fruit. we have to take second best or use an aide, a ladder, to reach that higher limb.
I have been on this world now for over sixty five years and believe me when I say life is generally just so, so. We cannot rush around shaking the tree, other people to make life more interesting. If you need things to happen, you need to instigate that need, no-one is going to do that for you.
If you need to achieve only you can instigate that proposed activity, you cannot expect someone else to climb that tree for you. Life is how you make it.
Personally I do not see depression here I see a person who is wondering is this all life has to offer. No-one can make it happen for you, only the person who looks back at you in that mirror, you.
If you are so worried, see your GP and see what He recommends ?.
Remember life is very real and we are put on this world to learn all the facets of this life. No-one can do it for you
BOB
Hi ERAS can you let us know please whether you have seen the replies to your post and whether they were of any help to you? x
Hello everyone. Some great responses. Frankly I'm grateful that many of you took the time to wrestle my silly inquiry. While I don't agree with many of these responses they have some done me some good and have provided a wonderful basis for approaching my situation from some different perspectives. My thanks goes out to all of you beautiful souls, keep on fighting the good fight. Much love
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
I just don't know
I dônt Know What to do anymore 
I don't know...
Don't know what to do
