Any advice ??

Hi I'm writing on here because I am really struggling I have a 5 month old son with my husband it's not me who is suffering with depression my husband has had a mental breakdown due to stress and depression and I was wondering if anyone could give me so advice as I feel like I'm not able to help him like he needs me !

The thing is our son doesn't sleep through the night due to reflux so it's been 5 months since we have had a proper nights sleep ! We own our own business which is adding to the pressure ! He worries about everything instead of letting it go over his head and I just don't know how to help him the doctor has now put him on anti depressants but what can I do to help as I'm struggling to cope with all of it on my own ATM

4 Replies

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  • Hi Holly and welcome , that must be really tough for you with a small baby as well as your husband who is Depressed.

    Now the main thing is for you to look after yourself and I don't mean in a selfish way towards your husband but you too have pressures and a small baby and a lack of sleep would send most people into stress,

    You can be supportive towards your husband and also encourage him to try Counselling or whatever else your Dr. Recommends, as Depression is a bit of a long haul and there is no quick answer, The fact that you have written here tells me immediately that you are a very kind wife and person. You could also suggest your husband come on here and have a chats about what's happening. I'm sure having your own business is stressful but all you can do is be your usual kind and supportive self and try and minimise other stresses till he begins feeling better.

    It's also a important that your husband follows up with appointment with his Dr. As they usually want to see how your getting on with the antidepressants. THe meds take at least two weeks to kick in and hopefully he will begin to improve then. Of course it's hard to say as I'm not sure what caused his Depression in the first place And this will have to be looked at too, to try and change that issue.

    Do you have any family or friends that could give you a break with the baby so you can get an hour or two of peace and quiets while would help you, the main thing I think is for you to concentrate on keeping yourself afloat as otherwise you will go under too, as you have a lot on your plate,

    This Forum is a great suppport and I'm sure others e you Great advice too, as I saw your post and my heart went out to you, so I replied with what I think may help. Encourage your husband to take breaks and keep in touch with friends and family and also stress that it's not his fault and that Depression is very treatable.

    Let me know how your getting on and I'm sure you will find coming on here helpful , as it's nice to have someone to vent to who isn't family and so on.

    Hannah

  • Hi Holly,

    I have experienced depression while having a baby and a business at the same time. How is the business doing?

    Mine was not doing well; so I shut it down and went to work. It relieved a lot of the pressure.

    All you can really do is to understand that he is going through a tough time and might be feeling and experiencing life in a totally different way to you. Listen to him without judgement and try and understand that Depression is a horrible disease to have. You literally dont think straight and it may change him for a while.

    Please recommend that he uses this site if he is unsure how to handle Depression.

    Hope this helps?

    Rick1on1

  • Hello Holly, goodness you do have a lot on your plate at the moment, that you are holding it all together is a testament to your love for your family and your determination and strength. I can only echo the excellent advice given already. The ad's for your husband will take at least two weeks to kick in and it is so important that you look after yourself, not just because you are a mum, wife and business woman, but because you are important in yourself, the Holly that is at the core of you. Not sleeping must be a nightmare, I don't know how parents manage it night after night. My husband and I don't have children but as a social worker and a priest we know many friends with babies and toddlers. We offer to babysit, and have the little ones to stay overnight just so mums and dads can do that exciting thing of collapsing into bed, having a cuddle and then sleeping for 15hours! No partying at the beginning, but as baby grows and gets into a routine it gets easier. I think I am right in saying that reflux can be something that babies grow out of so there is hope for the future. I think I would advise, if you can, to try and go out for a walk with the baby and your husband every day. It is very easy when depressed to hide away and lose connection with the outside, but if you have a park nearby go on a Saturday morning and see other parents with their children, watch the dogs play silly games and let the wind blow the cobwebs away. Most important of all is too enjoy your little one, they grow so quickly at this age, lots of photos of you all bundled up against the cold and then back home for hot chocolate...yum. Hope this helps, look after you as well as everybody else. Take care.

  • Hi Holly. Welcome to the site.

    It sounds as if you are in a difficult place. Before you look to avoid any problems by closing the business, think through it carefully. Once you stop running your own business and go back to work for someone else, it is hard to start up again later. It is also quite hard to adapt to not being your own boss. Therefore I would not advise ditching the business too quickly, unless it is what you want to do. Instead, why not reach out to any organisation that might help you through this. There are sometimes goverment advisors who might help you access funding for employing some staff, which might allow you a little time off. Financial advice might help you survive difficult times. I suggest you avoid using private business advisors though as they are often expensive, might not know your business as well as you do, and cannot access funding for you that you cannot find for yourself with a little internet research.

    Also, have you taken out key person insurance, or health insurance, which might pay out if your husband is signed of sick?

    As for your family, do you really have to cope alone? Do you have any family who could help out with your son, and maybe take him for a couple of nights? Lack of sleep is a killer, and a bit of rest might help you think more clearly.

    If you try all the above and you still feel the business is too much for you, I hope you can find a solution that suits you better. All the best.

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