A way out?

[Nowordsneeded]

First timer.

Lost my mother last year. Took it bad, had some counselling. Not sure it helped.

Have a full time job but the last few weeks I just want to pack everything in. Job, life everything.

I have lost all confidence, don't want to get out of bed on a morning.

I am putting on a big act for the outside world but inside I am dying.

Starting to have thoughts that everybody might be better off if I wasn't here. I have a wife & two beautiful kids & I feel so bad for having these thoughts but I can't see another way out.

[rockiette]

You are experiencing depression and it is lying and telling you to stop living. Find a small step to healing, talking to your GP or trusted friend. I have been in this place many times and it can get better. Really it can.

[Nowordsneeded in reply to rockiette]

Thank you. Just want to feel normal again.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Nowordsneeded, thank you for your post and welcome to our very caring community, where I am sure you will find lots of support to help you through this really difficult time in your life. I am so sorry about the loss of your Mum. Loosing someone so close is heartrenching and can take quite a long time to even accept the significant loss in your life. I wonder if your depression started around that time. Many people find it difficult to cope following a bereavement, it can effect us both physically like feeling tired and psychologically , like having very low moods. I think it would be best to see your GP as soon as you can, as you may need to start on some medication to help you through this, so that in time you can start to feel better. Perhaps another referral for counselling may help you now, as sometimes having further counselling with a different therapist can help. You may also like to get in touch with Cruse Bereavement for help and support...

crusebereavement.org.uk/ Telephone.......[phone] (Freephone)

They offer face to face, telephone and email support and the helpline is open...Mon-Friday.9.30-5pm and Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings until 8pm

Perhaps also try and talk to friends and family and explain that you are feeling very low in mood and really struggling. Sometimes just by opening up our feelings can help and that way we do not feel so alone or isolated. Also do keep posting here so that you can receive lots more friendship and support. Know that you are not alone and know also that feeling depressed following the loss of a loved person is quite normal, and that with treatment and support you can and will start to feel better in time... hope you feel better soon, take care and very best wishes to you.....

[Nowordsneeded in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you.

I have contacted Cruze & have a session next week.

I am from a family that didn’t discuss emotion or deal with feelings so I find it really uncomfortable opening up even with close family.