I could use someone to talk to.

[Brecca]

Hello again. I've just had my boss come round to my house to see me after my dad has seen that my job has been advertised. I have been off with depression and anxiety for 2 months and every time I've tried to return to work I just haven't been able to get past that hurdle of leaving the house and being an actual human being.

Good news is I'm not sacked as yet, but if I can't return ASAP then they have to replace me (which I totally understand). It hurts though to know I'm losing everything because I can't control they way I'm feeling. Nobody wants this or can understand. I can't accept i have an illness or there's something wrong. I just don't want to be seen as weak.

My new doctor is the first medical professional that hasn't made me feel like a faking little girl who just wants attention or a total idiot. I'm being referred to an in-house psychiatrist, but I'm terrified of that. I don't want to be 'crazy' (for want of a better word).

How has anybody dealt with return to work? Was it weird for you to get back into that routine, being surrounded by people that may or may not have been on eggshells around you? Did you feel paranoid they were judging your safety in everything you did? Was it the right thing to do, especially if you didn't feel ready?

[Olderal]

It is difficult if you've been off work and people know why but you are well on the way to better news if you now have a good GP.

Don't worry about the psychiatrist. People with perfect mental health are as rare as hens teeth. Most people don't have perfect mental health but quite a lot are not bad enough to need a psychiatrist's help.

Many of us are a bit worse and need help from a psychiatrist , it does n't mean we're crazy and more are you.

If you've been off work with depression and anxiety it certainly does not mean you are weak. They are tough "enemies", and if your old GP did n't help much you may have been misdiagnosed anyway.

Its possible that by seeing the psychiatrist (and with the new doctor ) treatment will be found for you that leaves you feeling so good that you are confident to returning to your current job. This is the best outcome and is not that likely, but a far more likely outcome is that you will receive treatment that usually takes up to three months to work (maybe less) but which will leave you in good shape to get another job. If you're still not sacked you were probably regarded as doing a good job which helps with the prospects of,if necessary finding another job.

Most of us have gone through worse but whatever the outcome we will be here for you. You are not losing everything. You have a problem at the moment, which with any luck is treatable and at 24 you have ample time to recover from this. Your boss by the way sounds a decent guy by modern standards, and might agree to getting a temp. in until any treatment has a fair chance.

best of luck Olderal.

[21esme]

Hiya,

I was off with depression and anxiety for 10 months last year. The first time I have ever experienced this. I too felt as if I was being weak or that it was my problem that I had a breakdown and couldn't leave the house. It will get easier. You may have been prescribed some medication and you will probably get some therapy which should help you. You will start to make baby steps. I didn't want to leave the house at all. I started to try and get to the post office or next time the local shop or then the supermarket (that was a big hurdle this time last year)

I did return to work in a 'phased' or part time capacity , building up to my full hours of 40 per week. It took time and I was really fearful of how people would think of me having been off for so long and having been seen as a strong and capable person before. I'm not going to lie it was hard to overcome the panic and fear and feeling vulnerable, but I had positive experiences from those wanting to see me back in the work place. I learnt some techniques about how to deal with people who ask how you are or where have you been? I was stuck once but then made sure I had an answer. There were some people who just didn't know what to say. I did find it hard to be around people again all day and I also built up to certain things at work. So for example, going to the staff restaurant at lunchtime was too much for me with 2000 people in the offices but going for a coffee later on was less anxiety making. Small small steps.

What I want you to know is that you aren't alone and people have felt this way too.

I found mindfulness also helped with relaxing me and stopping my mind going into huge panic mode.

Good luck,

Sarah x

[Olderal]

Hope I helped a bit but Sarah's advice below seems better and pretty good to me and she seems to have been thro something similar.

You'll come across a few bad things but the majority of people you know will be sympathetic and genuinely helpful. There are n't that many bastards around.

Olderal

[Brecca]

Thanks for replying. I'm trying to get back into a routine at home and then I can transfer that to work in small doses to start in the next couple of weeks. I really don't want to lose my job!

[21esme in reply to Brecca]

Brecca,

I understand that you don't want to lose your job. Financial security, social interaction and feeling valued/self esteem are factors in our working lives. Just be kind to yourself though. Don't beat yourself up if you have any set backs. I thought everything always had to be 'perfect' and put myself under tremendous pressure if anything went wrong or couldn't be achieved. Even impossible things outside of my responsibility. And if it was achieved, it was because the goal I'd set was too easy. So couldn't win either way.

Anyway don't be too hard on yourself and treat yourself the same way you would treat a good friend going through this.

Sarah x

[Hotrod]

Good luck and take your time you are definitely not alone your situation sounds a lot like mine was I have been off work for about 5 months now tryed to go back did a 9hr shift and it felt like a lifetime but I tried and I felt proud of myself for trying it small steps you will be fine be positive good luck

[mysmugcat]

Yes I had about three months off. I also went back phased style, came in for a cup of tea, then half an hour, an hour, hours. It was OK.