Christmas eve blues

[jsph554]

Hi, not posted in a long time, partly because of lack of Internet (long story) but also because I haven't known what to say. I've been feeling really lonely, and I think that it is getting worse. Though things in the long term are looking up. I'm on the psychology list, so I should be assigned a psychologist some time in January, so I can talk about things more in depth. But still, my depression feels really bad, and to be honest I am also quite stressed, due to being asked to do things that I don't know how to do. I also feel that my recently diagnosed Aspergers has been causing stress on top of that, due to me misunderstanding situations, because of how I see things.

[jsph554]

I have also considered suicide again since I last posted. Thankfully it was relatively brief compared to the times when it was on my mind all the time, but still it has worried me that I have considered that again.

[jsph554 in reply to jsph554]

Sometimes I just feel so useless. As I write this I am struggling to do something as simple as clean up my room. I am able bodied, so I should know what I'm doing but I don't and it's little things like this that get to me, making my depression worse.

[charlieab in reply to jsph554]

Depression can make it hard to do simple things. Doesnt make you useless, just going through a difficult time. Hopefully the psychology can make a big difference for you and make 2018 a really nice year. I hope so.

This is the worst christmas of my life for sure. This year lost my wife (who left me), my home, work and health. And am stuck in rural Wales with my friends in London.

When despressed like we are then I think Christmas car be a very difficult time. Can you phone up some friends maybe? Speaking to folk on the phone can really lift my spirits.

cheers

R

[jsph554 in reply to charlieab]

I don't really have any friends I can phone, and the team I'm under is off for Christmas. Still thank you for your help, I hope that next year will be a good year too.

[charlieab in reply to jsph554]

Cheers. and please feel free to message me any time. Would always be welcome. The internet is keeping me sane atm!

[jsph554 in reply to charlieab]

I know what you mean, right now it feels like posting on this website is all I can do for now.

[sophgirl]

Hi buddy,

I know exactly how you feel. It's hard to do simple things. I don't even want to get the mail or check emails! Be kind to yourself and see if you can go walk outside for a walk. I force myself to walk the dog even though I feel tired and dizzy from this new med dosage I started on 4 days ago. Keep hanging on, we can do it🤗😇. One day at a time!

[jsph554 in reply to sophgirl]

Thank you for your advice, I do find that walks help, I just haven't been able to do so for a few days, and I probably won't be able to for a while more due to Christmas. I do need to take things one day at a time, thank you ag

[jsph554 in reply to jsph554]

Again*

[craigcarda]

Wow! I remember A time Like this, We are all human and sometimes we all go through a episode like this more so harder than others, Key is to understand why we feel this way, usually it is nothing...when we understand that nothing causes this you can accept it is a choice to be happy, to live life to do what you want. To do anything but kill yourself. All those reasons you want to kill yourself are just "things" they come and go. Grab a hold of yourself and find little things that make you happy. I know how tough that is. But every minute you announce gratitude things will get easier on you. Best way to look at this moment is your stuck in a chimney, there is smoke hard to see a way out, There is a fire under your butt you need to get up and get out. Move away from the smoke, congestion crap breathed in and breathe something fresh in. Does not have to be much, Church can help, Helping others help, A second job, Got free time that day and do some labor express for extra cash. Sell some extra clothes in your clothes online anything to create another job that your mind can stay busy doing. Its not about the money but its keeping your mind away from bad thoughts. I use to drown in these thoughts, I did all those things and then started a part time online business. Just something to do when my mind is erratic. Stay busy! Clean That room because it will create a better solitude environment for you! arrange nick nacks to better suite things for this new path your on. And if anything remember you do have others reach out!

[jsph554 in reply to craigcarda]

Thank you for this advice, it helps a lot.

[sweetiepye]

You are going through a difficult time. I hope the New Year brings you positive changes. Post on here, you don't have to say anything in particular, the contact will be good for you I have known people with Aspergers who have done very well once they get a diagnosis . They tend to be very intelligent people . Be kind to yourself. Pam

[jsph554 in reply to sweetiepye]

I'll try, being kind to myself is quite difficult for me, as I imagine it is for anyone with depression. But still I'll try. Hopefully the New Year will do that, I will be moving out of the place I'm living in now next year, which will hopefully help me.

[sweetiepye]

It seems you have some positive changes coming up. Making small changes can lead to bigger ones. I know how hard it is to be kind to yourself, I am my own worst critic but I work on it.Advice easily given can be very hard to take. Still we have to try. Pam

[jsph554 in reply to sweetiepye]

You're right, we do have to try, for our own sakes. Hopefully it will be a positive change, I suppose I'll see on that one. I think that I will definitely post about how that goes regardless.

[sweetiepye in reply to jsph554]

Good, It will help you and it will help others. I'll be looking for your posts. Pam