Anxiety/depression?

[jessicao]

Anyone else feel like their living in a nightmare? Like your day literally takes on the feeling of a nightmare you may have had? There's this constant eerie, sickly, sad, doom feeling over everything. Nothing looks "nice" when I'm in these moods and random things can take on an uncomfortable scary sensation. Makes me feel trapped and crazyyyy 😕

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi there jessicao, I have had a look through some of your posts on this forum and the anxiety forum, and you have had some very helpful replies over time, which is great support for you from our caring and kind members. It does sound as if perhaps in the past that you may have suffered a traumatic experience, which you have not been able to process, and often our brains work in this way reliving some memories until we can learn new ways of coping. I wonder have you had any kind of counselling or CBT which may give you that special time for you to talk through your experiences, feelings and thoughts , to aid your recovery process. It must be very distressing for you having all these strange thoughts going on in your mind, but you are not crazy so try not to think too negatively about your thoughts. It may be of help for you to write down your thoughts and feelings, then when you read back you may find trigggers that make the thoughts worse and also you may find out what helps to calm your anxiety. Perhaps try some relaxation techniques....yoga....mindfullness....listening to some of your favourite music and practice deep breathing exercises. Also ask your doctor to be referred to a therapist, to try and help you feel better and more able to cope with your anxiety. Take care of yourself.....just relax...make a nice cup of tea and change those negative thoughts to something positive that you can look forward to in your life........very best wishes to you......

[jessicao in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I had a suspected partial seizure 2 months ago right before this all began. It really freaked me out and started me monitoring my feelings and thoughts 24/7 to see if I was going to get another one. Now I'm left with this dreadful doom and gloom feeling over everything, random things creep me out or make me feel just odd inside & its things that shouldn't make me react this way, the world feels like I'm living in some sort of nightmare, I feel like I'm losing it and that I can't even explain how I feel. It's very frustrating and I'm being referred to a psychiatrist to help with this. It feels so lonely because I don't see many people speaking of the feelings that I have but since they do tend to lessen when I'm really distracted I'm thinking it must be anxiety related, right?

So appreciated you responding. It really helped 💖

[MAS_Nurse in reply to jessicao]

Thanks Jessica for your kind words to my reply. I can understand your fears following a partial seizure and you are worried it may happen again. You sound a lovely and caring person, so please do not let your anxieties overtake your life and for now just take each day as it comes. I am glad that you have been referred to a psychiatrist and try and push your appointment forwards if needs be. Keep posting on here to receive support so that you feel that you are not alone and that we all do care about you greatly. I wonder have you been referred to a neurologist for some further tests and have you been started on any medication? Perhaps another chat with your doctor may help you? I really do feel for you for what you are going through right now and I am sure that in time and with support, you will begin to feel better and ease all those thoughts going on in your mind....take things easy ...be good to yourself and I wish you better soon.........take care of yourself.........

[jessicao in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Yes I have seen a neurologist. After speaking with the psychiatrist I may see him again depending on what we discuss.

Thank you again for the support

[Stilltrying_ in reply to jessicao]

I feel like you do Jessicao. I literally feel in a living nightmare. Gemma X

[jessicao in reply to Stilltrying_]

It's awful. Like actually feels the way I feel when I'm having a nightmare 😕

[Jenrolil]

I feel exactly the same as you. I often actually dream this terrible feeling too and then it stays with me all day. It's interesting you say you had a suspected partial seizure because I've read that these type feelings can indeed be connected with seizures. Did the neurologist you saw think it could be related or do they think it's a symptom of anxiety/depression?. I saw a psychiatrist recently and asked her if she thought my symptoms could be neurological or related to seizures and she didn't seem to think so but I'm not convinced. When you had the actual seizure what were your symptoms? Did you have a loss of consciouness or awareness ?

[jessicao in reply to Jenrolil]

Hi! The actual seizure itself was noticeably different. I felt disoriented, sweating, had a dream/deja vu playing on loop and felt as though I couldn't speak even though I could. This only lasted about 3 minutes and then I panicked after because I didn't understand what happened. This feeling started recently after a big panic attack. I think a good way to differentiate between seizure and anxiety is can you bring it on? Does it go away when you're really distracted? Does it last for long periods of time? If this doesn't improve soon I will bring up with my neurologist, but I notice that it does go away if I'm really distracted but yes unfortunately pops up on its own too :/ what are you experiencing?

[jessicao in reply to jessicao]

And when I say "this feeling" I mean the one I described in the first post. It feels like I'm living in a different weird time/feeling and is so uncomfortable

[jessicao in reply to Jenrolil]

I also dream it!! And then I wake up and I'm half asleep half awake just sitting in it

[Jenrolil]

I have a near constant feeling of dread/doom/strangeness. I have depersonalisation which manifests as a complete loss of my normal sense of self. Mornings are particularly bad. I feel like I am seeing everything through a memory or the memory of a dream and everything has a really weird surreal bleak aura. I feel like all my memories are tainted by this feeling and like I have felt like this for my whole life even though I know I haven't. Everything I think, look at or do gives me a surge of this indescribable feeling. I have weird flashbacks of memories from my dreams and memories from childhood. Nothing bad but they cause this terrible confusing indescribable emotion. I also have a weird pressure feeling in my head and neck and feel drunk/drugged. Also weird existential thoughts. I also get a terrible guilty feeling for no reason. It's all so horrible and strange

[jessicao in reply to Jenrolil]

My goodness you just described what I feel EXACTLY. The feeling like you're living through a dream or memory! I can't place the dream or memory but it feels like it is. The dream/doom/feeling. Looking at random things and getting it. Literally looked at a door mat today and got this feeling! Then I was so confused as to why which made it worse. This happens all day! When I'm feeling this way everything looks creepy, dark, sad or scary. Has that "aura" you describe. I actually described it to my mum the other day with nearly your exact description. I'm constantly having flashbacks to childhood for no reason. And the indescribable emotion..I literally can't put words to it, I just know I hate it, fear it and it leaves me wanting to bang my head against a wall to get it to go away. Oh I'm so so sorry you're feeling this way too. I know how terrible it is. Please keep in touch. We will get through this

[Jenrolil in reply to jessicao]

I'm sorry you feel like this too. It truly is the worst feeling in the world. Did the neurologist you saw have any idea why you experienced the seizure? Have you had an eeg or other tests?

[jessicao in reply to Jenrolil]

He said maybe because I'm pregnant. But I haven't described these feelings to him as they just started 2 weeks ago after some massive panic attacks lasting all day. I did have an eeg, but again, before these feelings.

Has your psychiatrist given any insight on this?

[jessicao in reply to Jenrolil]

Do your "surges" of this feeling feel the same each time? Like it's familiar but you can't place why or why you're feeling it or why something you're looking at or doing would trigger it?

[Jenrolil in reply to jessicao]

There are several variations of the surges. Yes it feels SO familiar but it's like it's just outside my awareness what the feeling actually is. When the memories from the past cause the feeling it feels like I actually had the feelings then but I don't think I did. When I get the feeling from looking at certain things it's a slightly different feeling to the one related to the memories but still has a similar quality to it . It's like I'm somehow seeing life from a different angle, not physically, I mean perception wise as in how I relate to whatever it is im looking at. Same with if I think about doing something. It's like my brain remembers how I used to feel doing it and then compares it to how I currently feel and it gives me a surge of dread/strangeness like everything feels somehow alien and I don't feel connected to my normal life but I don't know why exactly. It's so hard to describe accurately and is a very confusing feeling.

My psychiatrist pretty much said it was all related to depersonalisation, derealisation and anxiety. I struggled to describe it properly to her though. So many of the feelings I just don't have words for.

Do you get a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach when the feeling surges?

[jessicao in reply to Jenrolil]

Geez I'm so sorry. I can promise you I feel all of this. It's almost like I'm detached from reality now so my brain is trying to remember another time or take me back then or just change my perception.

And yes!! There's always a stomach component. It's like a sickly feeling

[Jenrolil in reply to jessicao]

I'm so glad someone else can identify. Although I truly wish neither of us had this!

When is your baby due? The last time I had an episode of this(I've had 3) was just after I'd given birth to my youngest daughter so I think hormones play a part. Maybe you will feel better after you've had your baby and your hormones change. Are you on any medication ? Or choosing not to while pregnant ? I was prescribed sertraline (Zoloft) when my daughter was a baby but decided not to take it while I was breastfeeding. I've been prescribed escitalopram now but still trying to pluck up the courage to start it .

[jessicao in reply to Jenrolil]

I have a csection this Friday..he's breech and I'm really hoping that it will calm down after because my body hasn't liked the heightened hormones and it's caused migraines and everything.

I'm sorry you've had this for so long. Since it comes and goes it does seem like an anxiety related thing huh? Although I totally understand how it doesn't feel that way as the feelings are so uncomfortable and uncontrollable.

I'm not on any meds now, but will if necessary so that I can enjoy time with my baby. I know how scary it can be to take medication, I've only ever taken a Xanax before for my previous anxiety but this time around it's so different and so much more intense I would. I do think giving medication a try may offer you some relief. Have you ruled out any deficiencies it could be caused by?

[Jenrolil in reply to jessicao]

Not long to wait then! Good luck and hope everything goes well

I'm sure it probably is all anxiety related. It's just some of the feelings I get do seem similar to what I've read people experience with partial seizures. Although like you said with yours they are generally fairly short lived.

My sister also has epilepsy and has experienced depersonalisation as part of the aura she gets before she has a seizure. I just wonder if there is a link.

[jessicao in reply to Jenrolil]

definitley seeing a neurologist might help! Even if it is just to put your mind at ease. Please write any time!

[Hidden in reply to jessicao]

Hey! When you had the EEG, did it come up as seizures? I’m kinda scared because I had a similar experience and the flashback thing happened during an EEG but nothing came up. What do you think?

[jessicao in reply to Hidden]

No, my eeg was clean..I think it’s more phsycological and if I’m super distracted it passes by me more. Although I do still think I’m having slight partial seizures in the form of deja vu ever since my first main partial a year and a half ago. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with something similar. What are you experiencing?

[Hidden in reply to jessicao]

Ahh I see. How did they diagnose you? What happened to me the first time was that I was freaking out about health anxiety and not really getting a lot of sleep. I started remembering my dreams pretty vividly. But like, this particular day, I was panicking, laying in bed, looking at the Internet/reading about health articles and little snippets of a realistic dreams kept popping in my head. I was conscious, and thought it was weird.. then I was like trying to figure out if it was a dream or something I watched? It freaked me out, cuz I fear seizures already (there isn’t a history of them) and everything I looked at online suddenly seemed like dejavu or like also unfamiliar. I was super scared and ran to my roommate and I remember everything. She said I seemed just anxious and was totally coherent and it didn’t look like a seizure at all. The weird snippets of dreams happened during an EEG and my neurologist said they weren’t seizures.. I wonder if it was depersonalization? And derealization?

[jessicao in reply to Hidden]

That sounds horrible but I can kind of relate to it too. It’s almost like our minds got so anxious that they are stuck in “introspection mode” and evaluating every thought. I think it’s definitely a mix or dp/dr.

[Hidden in reply to jessicao]

Yes! I think so. I hope you are doing ok

[pinkplasticball]

Yes! Those times are terrible. Sometimes when I get like that, I’ve also felt like I didn’t want to be conscious, I didn’t want to be anywhere, I go from room to room and I just feel like nowhere is right. My body just feels so out of place and uncomfortable. It’s really strange.

Do you take any anti anxiety meds? When I get these feelings and thoughts, a lot of the time my anti anxiety meds help pull me back into a more even way of thinking. You could also try meditation, I keep recommending trying this even though I haven’t tried it but I want to. I have read that it can actually be really beneficial. I think just deep breathing and relaxation can help change your mindset into a more positive one. Therapy also would likely be a help to you if you haven’t tried that.

But I hope you find something that helps, I know it’s miserable and no one really gets how you feel, no one I’ve tried to explain anyway. ❤️

[jessicao in reply to pinkplasticball]

Yes! I've said so many times that I just want to fall asleep immediately when I feel this way.

I'm not currently on medication as I am pregnant but will consider it if this doesn't calm down soon. Thank you for your advice and encouraging words❤

[pinkplasticball in reply to jessicao]

Too true, except I’ve tried going to sleep, and even in my bed I had to immediately get up because it didn’t feel right. The only thing that would help if it was nighttime and I actually needed to sleep would be taking a sleeping pill or something that put me to sleep, or my meds for anxiety.

I think there are medications that are safe for pregnancy, but I know for sure Xanax is not. I knew a girl who had taken Xanax while pregnant and the baby suffered seizures from withdrawals when he was born, and eventually died. Very sad. Maybe other anti anxiety meds, but you’d have to consult your doc about that of course.

In any case, good luck in your journey both with pregnancy and feeling better! ❤️

[jessicao in reply to pinkplasticball]

Yes, I can't fall asleep or even stay still when I feel this way sometimes!

And Thankyou, delivery day is Friday so hopefully a shift in hormones will help with my anxiety! Wishing you the best as well!

[pinkplasticball in reply to jessicao]

Oh wow, you don’t have long at all, that’s awesome. Well congratulations and good luck, hoping for an easy and quick delivery and no more anxiety! ❤️