I need advice. For the past 6 months I've been feeling as only what I can describe is depression, I feel like i'm the only one suffering with what i suffer with though.
It's the hardest thing to explain. But, in short, it's like I feel whatever i do I am wasting away my life no matter what and that death is soon and my life will be over and wasted, just like that.
I always try and keep myself motivated despite it feeling impossible to me, I find it hard to even get myself out of bed sometimes. I have short tempers and these last 6 months I just look back and notice how bad I've been.
Does anyone else feel like they are a waste of contribution and that you want to live to the full but just can't.
I might have even described this all wrong as it's so hard but this is the best I could come up with. Is it worth seeing a doctor?
I literally feel like death is so soon and inevitable and I'm only 17 years of age... Whatever I do is a waste of time and if I am not productive, then the depression stage hits the worst. I can make myself a bit better when productive but I'm still down.
I cover it up and pretend that I am happy to cover it up but it's all a lie and just makes me feel worse in the long run..
Any help is so much appreciated..
Thanks for your time all,
Jake
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jakeb
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Welcome to the community. It sounds like you are describing some aspects of depression. Is this the first time you've talked about it?
I think it would be a good idea if you tried to talk to your parents/guardians to let them know how you feel. I also think it might be a good idea for you to go and have a chat with your GP.
What happened six months ago? Do you think something specific might have made you feel this way? Are you at school/college/employed? That would help me to understand where you are at.
You have been able to put yourself eloquently and so I can tell that you are an intelligent young man. You clearly have a lot to offer, and you have a great big, overwhelming life ahead of you.
I think what you say about being unproductive is really astute. I am trying to get back into work after being too ill for quite a while and I find myself feeling really low because I am not contributing or making a positive impact. I come to this site because I want to share my experience and ask for help. I also do it because I feel valuable when I try to help others. Heck, you could read my story and potentially offer insight and help me.
If you are off for the summer holidays could you get a summer job? Could you volunteer in something you are interested in? Could you make plans to do something fun with your friends? Could you join a sports club (or any type of club) to make new friends?
I'm trying to find the right time to consult my parents. I've been thinking about the doctors for a few months but I don't want to be 'another one of those teens'.
Nothing happened 6 months ago but that's when everything became overwhelming and I thought about my life so much, perhaps because that's when I joined college and had to decide on my career path
Perhaps you could just show your parents this post and our responses if it is too hard to say it aloud. I know I'd support both you and your parents if they needed it.
I think expecting young people to know what path they want to take at a young age is so tough. I just left what I thought was my dream career and I've had to ask myself a lot of questions about my priorities.
Based on what I've experienced I would say that you don't need to know what you are going to do for the rest of your life. You don't have to define yourself based on your job. You have a short amount of time to be a child and an even shorter amount of time to be a young adult. Enjoy that time.
Some people know what they want to do with their lives and that is great for them. I thought I counted myself amongst them. Now, all I know is that I want to work towards things I value in life. I want to be a kind person, so I post on here. I want to be a good wife, so I take steps to look after my husband. I want to be a mother, so I'm losing weight. I want to be a good friend, so I try to be every day. I don't want my gravestone to say I was good at my job. I want it to say I made people laugh, saw the world and loved.
Anxiety and depression can often go hand in hand. They do for me. There are techniques you can learn to help with the anxiety. It can be intimidating being in big crowds. There is also the possibility that you just haven't found "your people" yet.
I have kept in touch with a handful of people I knew from school and sixth form. I met "my people" when I went to uni. We weren't friends because our parents had bought houses in the same town. We were friends because we shared a passion of literature or because we enjoyed watching cheesy films on the landing of our halls. 12 years on and I count those girls as my sisters. I met more of "my people" in some of the jobs I've had too.
Foster relationships with people who share your passions and don't be ashamed. I love classical music and pop culture. I read classics and chick lit. I play Minecraft and Skyrim and go to conventions when I can. I am not ashamed of my interests, they make up who I am. When you are young you can be unsure of who you are. You'll learn to own it.
Your GP won't see you as another teen, and if they do, ask to see another one. It usually helps to try to get to the root cause of the problem,cut I bet you'll feel better talking about it instead of holding it in.
Thank you sososo much Lori, when you said you get a short time to be young, I think that is also part of the problem, I think that i'm constantly wasting my time, not being productive, not living fully and effectively wasting my life. I will never get these days back. I don't know, thank you again though for everything you've said
I would also like to add that I do suffer from a bit of anxiety and don't feel like I fit in at all with people and really feel anxious when in big crowds etc.
I do not know if you new here, but if you are, I just want to say you are very welcome to join the rest of us.
Jake, every time we feel like the way you have described, it is natural to feel like we are the only one going through these complex feelings, especially when you are only 17 years old. I know how tough it is to be at your age and have to deal with feelings which keep us going on circle and make us restless.
If you allow me, I would like to ask you some questions: Do you live with your parents? Are they aware of how you have been feeling? Do you have friends in whom you can rely and trust?
As I do not know you , and only a bit about how you are feeling, I would advise you to see your doctor. Have you ever talked to him/her about these emotional issues before? If you haven't , please do not become apprehensive ,as the chat with the doctor is usually straight forward. They will go through some questions just to see where you are emotionally speaking, and they would take what kind of help he can offer you from there.There is no reason to feel embarrassed about it , as we all need once in awhile, some kind of intervention to help us cope with life at large.
You talk about death, and I am not sure if I understood what you meant exactly. Have you been thinking about taking your life? If you are, you indeed need to seek professional help as soon as you can, and also let someone you trust know about your struggles. Do not wait till things get too difficult to the point that you may become overwhelmed and wrongly believe that you have no choice. We always have choices, Jake. The word choice is never about only one thing, so it proves that we always can try to choose better. And I believe you will be able to do that if you seek help somehow, but I cannot stress more how important it is for you to talk to your GP.
Jake, all these thoughts that you what you are doing is a waste of time, they are not the truth. When we feel down and somehow so low that depression hits us , we tend to believe we worth nothing and that nothing we do is right. Isn't this the way you feel? It is normal, sweetheart, but not the truth. When we are that low, our brain do not function the same way. Just for you to see how our brain functions weirdly when we are low: Imagine that in your house has a shower. You really want to have a shower but you have no energy. You look and look at the shower , but feel incapable of taking the first step into the bath and turning the shower on . Then your brain decides that you can have a good wash over the sink, put some parts of your body over the bath and wash them. Logically speaking , now , which action is more time consuming and takes a lot more effort to be done ? if you said the sink, of course you are right, but for our brain it is for some weird reason the best alternative. That goes to what /how we think and feel about ourselves and others. It is really confusing, but I promise you that you can get better with the right hep.
You do not need to cover it up and pretend to be happy, that is not the right way to go as you are just suffocating something that can have an outcome that I believe you do not really wish. If you think have true friends, it is their time now to show you support by allowing you to deal with your emotions in a way that will help you to shake them off . I do hope you have these type of people in your life. Every time we open up about these negatives feelings , they tend to become smaller as we are sharing them. Talk to your parents if you feel/know you can do so.
Sweetheart , I hope this post has helped you a bit. Something that I guess could help you while you waiting to go to the doctor's is to write about how are going through. This action is like washing our soul from all these damaging thoughts and feelings that sometimes try to take our will to live away. Your life is precious, much more than you can imagine. There will always be people in the world to whom your life matters immensely and they would not be what they are if you have not crossed their path.
I hope to hear from you again with whatever you need to share. Take care.
I really do appreciate these kinds words from you and everyone else. I do live with my parents, I told them at the start, but then said I felt better and it hasn't been brought up since. They know I have short tempers etc but they think it's just my age, I don't know how to approach it really.
Also, i have not visited my doctor about this nor spoke to him or anyone else except my parents at the start where I said I just feel overwhelmed and not good enough.
I've never considered or thought about taking my own life, what I meant is the opposite really, a life is so valuable cause it can only be done once, and knowing that it's just once makes death spring to mind and thinking I'm just wasting my life away and death will come and everything will just be gone and lost. So, I think I have to do these crazy things to make my life 'worth it' but am just unable. I don't even know what those things are really. I just feel like my life is going to be real short and feel like my close loved ones are too (I don't know why, I've always had worries like this since I was VERY young) and feel like we could go anyday. It's really weird. And that contributes into thinking i'm wasting days and my life to eventually come to the end.
Now I understood what you meant. Sorry for not having understood it clearly before. I am glad that I was mistaken.
Sweetheart, I know you do not know where the thought that your life is going to be short comes from, but try to think that is only what it is "a thought". However, having more respect for your feelings about this, have you ever been through any type of trauma which could trigger this fear /thought? Something, somewhere triggers these "beliefs" ; the challenge now is to find out what it is and why, if there is an answer.
Jakeb, I do not know what you believe in, but I believe in God. I believe that He created us and have everything under His control. I believe that He is the only one who has the power to give life and take it away. If you, at some point, come to believe that your thoughts are scary, however only thoughts, depending on what you believe , leave these thoughts in the hands of who can handle them. You are too young, sweetheart to be worrying about death.I know that we do not need to be young or old to leave this world, but we will not go anywhere till our time comes, and when this will happen no one knows. You are right to say we can go any day, however we all know that , don't we ? The best you can try do is to live your life in a way that enriches it. Love more, laugh more, talk more, hug more, listen more, play more, and so on. We will never have control over this aspect of our lives; so allowing these thoughts to take over your mind will only paralyse you emotionally. I know it is hard to get rid of something that you cannot pinpoint why it is there, but the only way to fight against it, it is facing it.
I will advise you to talk to your doctor, as he is likely to have heard about this before. I wish I had the power to help you in a more meaningful way , but I cannot. The best way I could try to help you is to share about what I believein , but I would not like to do that unless you were comfortable with it. It is in what I have faith that keeps me going when the complexity and scary things in life try to take over my thoughts and debilitate my health.
If you allow me , with no intention to impose my beliefs on you , I would love to leave you with one of the most beautiful words of the Bible:
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
Jakeb, that's what I try to remember when I go through times I cannot fathom. This gives me peace and the assurance that He knows all about me and I do not need to fear no evil. And when I still fear, I try to keep on believing that His eyes are never an inch away from my life, and know that His eyes are not an inch away from yours either.
I hope I have not invaded your personal space, my intentions are only to know that a smile is back on your face, and that you will be okay.
My advice is yes it is worth seeing your GP regarding how you are feeling they will ask you a few questions and could refer you to the Mental Health team to see a counsellor so you can talk in private and confidential environment regarding why and what has made you feel the way you do. I suffer badly with depression and I believe that if you don't talk how you feel it will only get worse.
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