For as long as I can remember (Excluding these past years, Apart from 3, July 2014, I just moved city but whatever) I woke up in terror, Screaming, Shaking and Terrified like I was being possessed by this horrible force, I just remember the trigger being dreams about Shapes or patterns, If They were out of Sequence, Or Pattern or there was too much, I'd just wake up in such a fright. I now suffer from an issue of needing everything to be set in place and in order, I can even look at a city on Google Earth, And If the roads / City's don't match or look out of order, I become uneasy, I also (Say on my computer) Can't stand folders auto - arranging and not being in a sequence, Disgusting thoughts when eating (Such as rodent's) and other intense fears I have come into my mind, I just can't get them away, I can (At Times) Become paranoid in case they are there in my house You Know? I have only noticed this in November 2016, I become utterly a mess, Huge Anxiety only in social areas, (Extremely in school, Not too bad at all other places but I still know It's there) as I feel like I can't stop going to the toilet for all sorts, I've experienced horrifying depression too around February 2017, Like these have all followed a weird string, Jumping from Idea to Idea, Nothing making sense in my life, Boredom, Dread and Just desperate, I'm On Buscopan but I don't see it working (As In stopping) although is far better when off it, Doctors refuse me medication, Counselling not helping and I'm just a mess, Horrendous mood swings, One minute I'm wanting the Suburban life in Michigan, Next I'm the Next Madonna, I feel no empathy except towards my self, My Body & Inside soul feels freezing and that out of breath tingling, Musky type sensation. I have an unstable view of myself and have no real grip on reality, I jump from one thing to another, Could It be Manic Depression, A Personality Disorder, Or what? I think those a lot, I'm just dying inside, No-Way Out... (Thank You) Could the early issues foretell my later issues? Or is all of this stuff normal for a 16-Year-old, I have no accent, I just change constantly, Like My Personality is non - existent, I determine support on people by Lust and Desire, Nothing is fun, Everything is Grey, Black & White, I'm just lost? 'Those disturbing thoughts' Is also thinking of suicide, Though I would never consider it, Or Attempt it, Sometimes I feel like stop fighting, & Finally, go with it, Breakdown make it memorable, But Seriously, I just want help. I know no one can diagnose me, But Based on what I said, Any thoughts?