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(Young OCD Indication?) & Other Issues

For as long as I can remember (Excluding these past years, Apart from 3, July 2014, I just moved city but whatever) I woke up in terror, Screaming, Shaking and Terrified like I was being possessed by this horrible force, I just remember the trigger being dreams about Shapes or patterns, If They were out of Sequence, Or Pattern or there was too much, I'd just wake up in such a fright. I now suffer from an issue of needing everything to be set in place and in order, I can even look at a city on Google Earth, And If the roads / City's don't match or look out of order, I become uneasy, I also (Say on my computer) Can't stand folders auto - arranging and not being in a sequence, Disgusting thoughts when eating (Such as rodent's) and other intense fears I have come into my mind, I just can't get them away, I can (At Times) Become paranoid in case they are there in my house You Know? I have only noticed this in November 2016, I become utterly a mess, Huge Anxiety only in social areas, (Extremely in school, Not too bad at all other places but I still know It's there) as I feel like I can't stop going to the toilet for all sorts, I've experienced horrifying depression too around February 2017, Like these have all followed a weird string, Jumping from Idea to Idea, Nothing making sense in my life, Boredom, Dread and Just desperate, I'm On Buscopan but I don't see it working (As In stopping) although is far better when off it, Doctors refuse me medication, Counselling not helping and I'm just a mess, Horrendous mood swings, One minute I'm wanting the Suburban life in Michigan, Next I'm the Next Madonna, I feel no empathy except towards my self, My Body & Inside soul feels freezing and that out of breath tingling, Musky type sensation. I have an unstable view of myself and have no real grip on reality, I jump from one thing to another, Could It be Manic Depression, A Personality Disorder, Or what? I think those a lot, I'm just dying inside, No-Way Out... (Thank You) Could the early issues foretell my later issues? Or is all of this stuff normal for a 16-Year-old, I have no accent, I just change constantly, Like My Personality is non - existent, I determine support on people by Lust and Desire, Nothing is fun, Everything is Grey, Black & White, I'm just lost? 'Those disturbing thoughts' Is also thinking of suicide, Though I would never consider it, Or Attempt it, Sometimes I feel like stop fighting, & Finally, go with it, Breakdown make it memorable, But Seriously, I just want help. I know no one can diagnose me, But Based on what I said, Any thoughts?

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I once had a friend who was taking illegal drugs who wrote the way you are writing.

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Um, I mean I'm not on any type of drugs.

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Well. I have OCD and it can be a real drag.

Once at my therapist's someone's car alarm was going off right outside the window. It was so loud we could hardly hear each other talk. We both laughed because that is what OCD is looking like. Your brain is sending panic signals though your whole system. Anything can trigger the thoughts, which becomes a feeling, which can become a belief. Which is what eventually debilitates OCD suffers. Still people that are Bipolar or ADHD say they have similar struggles. Please keep us up to date and keep posting.

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