New to here

[Frozenimages]

Hello,

This is my first post on here. I have bee posting on another website bpdfamily.com. It is a very helpful and informative website, but I feel sometimes the information and replies focus on my BPD spouse. I have been feeling like I keep coming to my wits end.

There is a nasty cycle that I have found myself in. An emotional roller coaster. This time last week, I was feeling strong, confident, and happy. Now I'm doing google searches for "I can't take it anymore" or "My husband is saying cruel things". I already have a grip on things dealing with him. He has borderline personality disorder. I'm not going to go into detail about that. I'm here for myself. I have made the choice to stay in my relationship and work on improving that.

What I need help on is this feeling I can't seem to shake. Even when there are happy days, I feel stressed, have a short fuse, sad, waiting for everything to fall apart. I sometimes feel I may be depressed, then times I feel I'm picking up my husband's symptoms, and other times I really think I am just a screw up.

I have two young boys that I love more than anything, but I hate the way I act towards them sometimes. All my worries and problems get transferred to them and I'm not as patient or loving as I want to be. I know I'm a strong person. I use to be strong, confident, take on the world feeling all the time. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I feel broken, constant anxious feeling in the back of my head, emotionally unstable, don't feel like I get hardly any support from my husband. I don't know what to do.

Please refrain from making comments or replies on what my husband is doing wrong, not doing, or he should seek therapy. This is about me. I need to vent my frustrations and try to help myself be more self compassionate and become that strong person I use to be.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Frozenimages and welcome to the forum. This sounds like a difficult situation for both of you. You are a strong person, but it is difficult for you to feel strong at present, because of the situation you are in. Some counselling may help you to deal with how you are feeling and find the best way forward. You can request this through your GP. Would it be possible for you to spend time with your boys doing something special, something you all enjoy? Be kind to yourself. You are coping well in a very difficult situation. Please have a look at the pinned posts to the right of the screen where you will find helpful information and stay on the forum to receive help and support from other members. Thank you and best wishes,