Trapped ... I feel i cant give up but i cant go on

[Bereft]

I dont know what to do anymore and feel the only option out is to be done with it.

I feel so low i cant even begin to explain it. I am surrounded by people but feel so alone, i feel no joy or excitement in anything anymore, humour evades me, i just want it all to stop

I lay on my bed typing this feeling so guilty that i feel this way and yet i cannot change how i feel. I dont know how or when i have got to this stage but there is no way out for me now.

I never thought i wouls ever have got to the stage but it shows my naivety...i am a healthcare professional with a good job, 2 loving kids and caring family and freinds yet i feel so alone it hurts everyday, i feel like im breaking down inside and there is only one way out. I cant even describe the guilt i feel when having these thoughts...... but i dont know how else to make it stop

I was happily married for many years and i love my wife dearly but she is the reason i feel this way. I cannot talk to her because she doesnt tell me the truth nor does she listen it just ends up in an argument. I cant imagine life without her but more so the reasons why.....I just dont know what to do anymore and im reaching out for something....anything...

I feel so embaressed.......

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Bereft,

Welcome to this supportive community. Don't despair, you are not alone, and many folks here will empathise and identify with how you are feeling. Healthcare professionals are not immune to mental health problems, and the pressures we experience can be overwhelming. There is nothing to feel guilty about. We often have to put on a brave face, constantly on demand, exhausted, giving out to others, often not appreciated and there's nothing left for ourselves or our nearest and dearest. But it is time for you to start to care about yourself and get help. There are always options and opting out is not an option! Don't just become another statistic. You need to get professional medical help asap. Make an appointment to see your GP and start that conversation. There is no shame in admitting that you need help. Also, contact your Occupational Health Dept and make an appointment, they can support you and provide access to counselling and work adjustments among other things.

Keep our Crisis Helpline telephone numbers to hand (See Pinned Posts). In the UK:

Samaritans Tel:116 123

MIND Tel: [phone]

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

NHS 111 for non-emergency medical advice.

NHS 999 Emergency medical help

Don't give up, hang in there! We are listening. Stay safe. Keep in touch.

[ladeda]

Hi bereft, life sure seems hard sometimes and the fear of more of the same is unbearable to the point of losing hope of just what to try next, but there's still lots to try so please try to think outside the box.

Your wife isn't why you feel like this, you are the reason you feel like this, you can and need to get your control back so please look at different ways. We now have so many resources at our fingertips but its so easy to get stuck and end up going round in circles with crippling negative thoughts and sometimes with so many suggestions of what might help, that can also be overwhelming.

Personally I have just listened to Bruce Lipton on YouTube, his book the biology of belief is an excellent start to realise just how much we are hurting ourselves and if something like that strikes a note it could be the catalyst that makes us try something different.

Yes in an ideal world it would be lovely to reach out and get the right help and teaching from our health services and some are lucky to find that works, perhaps that's a good example of if we believe it will help, it often does. One thing we all understand here is the pain you are in and as a community want to help in any way, but as a beautiful individual you have had different experiences so need to try different things as well and the first is practicing something to control the out of control thoughts that are running a muck and consuming you with fear. There's some lovely guided meditation on YouTube, have you tried anything like that?

I find I have to dispel depression in many directions, mindfulness, diet, exercise and social interactions and I can overcome it, but it can creep back when least expected and I feel back at square one and have to quickly find someone to listen to that I find motivating again and know that happiness is not an illusion but very accessible.

It's often a lifetime of little things that can lead to this point in our lives, and if that's the case maybe its time to change some of those beliefs and try new ones that help us react to the world differently and for the better.

Its hard for you at the moment and my heart goes out to you, but the greatest thing you have going for yourself at the moment is you want help and feel different and that's what you need to keep trying.

Love and hugs M xx

[tofler]

Please try not to feel embarrassed (though I know it's easier said than done). Unfortunately being a health professional and having a good job and a loving family doesn't guarantee that you'll be protected against mental health difficulties. Have you talked to a doctor about what's going on or do you tell yourself the sort of things that I do sometimes e.g. "I should be able to deal with this and sort it out myself"? Are you talking to anyone about how you're feeling or do you keep it all bottled up inside you?

[Bereft]

Thank you all for your kind words

I dont know honestly if its because i dont feel like i can talk to anyone about how i feel or what im going through. Just dont know what i would say or what to do anymore. I just try to automate what i do and battle on taking each day as it comes but day by day it feels harder and harder to continue this pretence

I think back everyday to how things could have been different, wishing i wasnt in the predicament im in now

My mood is becoming more and more apparent to the people around me, who ask me daily if im ok and i feel this only exerts added pressure ... i dont see anyway out for me now