Worst luck

[Emma95]

I'm sick of trying. My driving instructor cancelled on me, this is my 3rd/4th instructor now that I've tried. Why do I have the worst luck, it's like the world is saying not to do it. Don't have independence. Don't feel worthy or proud of yourself, just feel worthless and useless. Would it really matter if I wasn't here. I don't enjoy anything anymore, I'm constantly down and that's not fair on my boyfriend who is possibly way too good for me and deserves someone who is happier in themselves and less needy. I'm my happiest when I'm with him, so constantly want to see him but he told me the other day that he was neglecting other important things in his life I.e music and I feel like that is my fault. I want to be his priority, and his says I am but because I so want for his attention, on my down days, it doesn't feel ever enough. Like when I'm struggling I want him to call me and tel me he loves me or rush to my house and check I'm okay. Surprise me with flowers or something, just to brighten my day. Maybe I watched too many romcoms growing up. I just want to feel loved and worthy. I'm all over the place.

[sweetiepye]

Hello Emma, I'm not going to sugar coat this because that won't help you at all. I think you do live in a fantasy world and could probably use a little reality. You don't need a man who gives you flowers as much as you need a man who will stand by you. Men are more practical than women when it comes to showing their love. You seem very needy in your relationship a sure way to drive a man away. We all like to be needed, but not smothered. That makes your driving lessons important to your independence . I suspect you are sabotaging yourself when it comes to that. So keep trying.Because I'm not a professional you should get the opinion of someone who is. Maybe counseling would be helpful.Once you start doing things for yourself your self esteem will grow When I need flowers to cheer me up, which is nearly every week, I simply tell my husband not to forget the flowers when he goes shopping. I sometimes ask for chocolates instead. I always feel cared for when he does this, the surprise isn't necessary. I hope this helps, let me know. Pam

[Foxface in reply to sweetiepye]

Sweetiepie I'm sorry but I had to say something because I think your comment 'you live in a fantasy world and could probably use a little reality' is simply harsh and accusatory to be honest. If someone has a physical pain and you cannot see it, does that mean it is a fantasy? No that is their reality it doesn't matter if you don't see or feel there pain it is there. Everyone's reality is there own, and if we don't acknowledge their reality, it's of no help at all, that is just fuelling self doubt. If someone shares that they feel depressed, down, unworthy and thinking it wouldn't matter if they were no longer here, that is their reality right now, that is how they feel. Equally the things which Emma feels about her relationship are her own reality and worries, but she has only told us how she 'feels' not every part of her relationship for us to decifer what is going on in her everyday life. Maybe for whatever reason you think harsh ''truths'' are helpful, but I believe in treating people with respect and compassion. If I was reading your post directed to me when feeling down, and had felt brave enough to share how I was feeling online and my spiralling negative thoughts, I would probably simply fall apart reading these words (in my negative state I would cling to the negatives because that's what depression does) -

'you do live in a fantasy world'

'very needy'

'a sure way to drive a man away'

'smothered'

'you are sabotaging yourself'

These things would only fuel my negative thoughts about myself. And I'm really sorry that you felt compelled to speak out in this way, and I do hope you yourself are ok, and not feeling these particular concerns about yourself and then projecting onto Emma your own negative worries because I can't understand the conviction behind them, using terms such as 'you do' and 'you are' 'and a sure fire way' are strongly worded and I would say to Emma completely misguided. I hope others do not treat you this way too when you are down, because that makes me sad.

Emma if you read this reply, please take away from this post the positive things which are in here that sweetiepie has said. Do keep trying, do get help from a professional, yes doing things for yourself can help your self esteem.

[sweetiepye in reply to Foxface]

Obviously I don't agree with your assessment of my post to Emma. I thought about my suggestions and still think they were practical and certainly not harsh, Emma herself brought up watching too many romance coms which I interpret as fantasy. Emma also uses the term less needy and admits that her boyfriend has suggested he needs some alone time. I was mostly reiterating what Emma herself had written. My advice to her was to seek professional advice as I am not a professional in this field. I stand by my post. I'm not sure what your agenda is, but I do not appreciate your misguided accusations. I suggest you reread my reply , there is not one unkindness there . Let's hope we can get past this. Pam

[Foxface]

Hi Emma, I just read your post and just wanted to say to you, it is ok to feel down and this feeling right now will pass, you are worthy and not useless, and I am very sure that your boyfriend and other people feel that way about you, and think you are wonderful. Depression and anxiety are illnesses, it is taking over your rational brain and making you think untruths about yourself. Have you sought help yet from a doctor or someone to talk to? It may be due to a chemical imbalance that could be helped with medication, or other things in your life which talking to a professional may help? Either way talking to someone close to you would be a good idea.

I hope you can find something to do right now which helps you to feel a little bit better, you mention your boyfriend a lot and I'm sure that he brings a lot of love into your life and maybe helps to distract you from negative feelings, but what about you? are there things which once you did really enjoy? Things for me which help when I am low, are to try to be mindful, try to comfort myself - what would I say to a close friend who was low? No way ever would I tell them they are worthless! I would try to remind them of all the wonderful things about them, and to comfort and distract them from their sadness. Sometimes it helps me when I'm low to have a nice pamper, hot shower face mask etc because this can make me feel clean and nice. I like to draw, or those colouring books are pretty good! Or I watch something which makes me feel positive - Disney films!! Read a book or try to give myself something little to do which feels like a little achievement for me, something around the house etc. I'm sure there are a few little things which might be Roth a try for you, things which are unique to you. Just to lift the dark mood for a bit is an achievement!

Sometimes in life we all do feel alone, we feel alone maybe because other people are busy or because we are struggling with life ourselves and with our own minds, and in my opinion it's easy to attach our feelings of loneliness to others not being around. But try not to let yourself get lost in others too much, you are yourself a wonderful person, that's why those others like to be around you and try to cheer you up when they can. Sometimes I buy myself flowers (my man never does! But he doesn't get how they can cheer me up!) I even pick them from somewhere as just going for a little walk and looking at flowers and nature makes me feel good. You can and are allowed to treat yourself with love, kindness and patience because you are worthwhile. You are you, nobody else is you, your unique! and it is ok to feel down, it is ok to be needy sometimes, it is ok to be you, you are lovable and worthy and I hope you can feel able to talk to someone like a doctor or someone close, about how your feeling.

If you ever feel like it wouldn't matter if you are here and are feeling suicidal, please you must speak about this with someone, call the Samaritans or doctors or make sure you tell someone. The truth is many people feel like this at some point in their lives, whether it is fleeting thoughts or more serious plans, there is no shame in it, and you can get help. You do not need to feel these things alone, and if the thoughts are just fleeting there is as much reason to address it now because negative thoughts can easily spiral without help from those who are best placed to support depression (professionals)

Kristin neff's book self compassion is wonderful, there are videos on YouTube to watch too of her talks. somehow this world can end up telling us all that we must be a certain way and to project out certain things, and we can worry about that, but it's ok to not be ok sometimes, to accept yourself as you are right now, and it's ok to be compassionate to yourself in the way that you hope others would be, or you wish to be to other people. If we don't take care of ourselves we can feel empty and unable to give out much at all.

Hugs xx

[Taz2]

Hi Emma95 dont listen to sweetiepye (haha) shes a troublemaker and a bully with a huge ego. Just read her replies to other posts n ul c exactly wit i mean.Take care dol 💜💜💜