Second post

[kieranblood1993]

So it's been a week since i posted my first ever message on here and it's fair to say my mind set hasn't changed if anything I feel worse about my self. Iv ran out of ideas and people to trust or talk to, what do I do now?

[blackcat64013]

Hi Kieran,

The forum is not a magic cure all unfortunately.

If we want something to change, we have to set ourselves some goals. We have to decide what to spend our time on, what to prioritize and what to accomplish. Aiming to achieve something that is too vague, too ambitious or that is not relevant to us personally won't be very helpful. We don't get where we want to go and we may even end up back up at the start line with not much progress made.

If you can, research SMART GOALS to help get you started.

If you have some goals already, share with the forum and we can support you to get there

[TruthSi72]

Hi. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re grieving. The ending of a relationship is like the death of a loved one, you’re grieving a huge loss in your life. It will most definitely take time. Don’t ask yourself how much time as that will not help you, know that this is something you will get through and something that you need to go through, don’t fight it, let any healing come naturally. Having said this, do keep in mind the fact that things will change and you will get better and feel better, hear yourself saying this to yourself.

I have loved and been loved and lost many times in my life and I do not regret any one of them, nor do I want to go back to any one of them. The relationships you have in life are there at a particular time, in that time they are right for us but as people we evolve and change and sometimes people grow apart or a person changes and no longer feels the way they did and so the relationship becomes tired or uncomfortable and so things must change.

You should know that this change will be good for you in your future when you see it as such but right now your getting used to difference and it feels uncomfortable to you...our brain likes repetition, anything that isn’t repetitive is the unknown and will feel uncomfortable and even scary but that will pass as your mind gets used to the changes.

Your mind is dealing with the loss of what it took for granted in your life, your mind knew you were safe in the situation you were in and now that is gone and your mind is searching for those safe repetitive moments, faces, conversations, arguments, all of this and everything associated with this...and her, so this is why you grieve. Tell yourself that right now it’s ok to feel the way you’re feeling but that you will get through and you will be better and life will be better and that that is just the way it is.

Slowly things will become more comfortable, easier and you will become the person you are going to be and go on to live a great life and find someone else to love.

We cannot control everything in our lives, we can control that which is in us and about us and that is all.

Be patient. Be stoic. Be assured that it will be ok and it will be.

S