I know what you mean when you talk about the war in your head. I've felt like that. I try to remind myself that moat people are wrestling with aspects of their lives that they aren't happy with. For me it's having depression, for someone else is something else.
Another girl, please don't view yourself as sick. Yes, depression is an illness, but that's all it is. Don't stigmatise yourself. I am quite scared at the moment because of the thoughts that are going through my mind, and so I joined this site last night, but I will not accept to think of myself as sick in that sense. Life has dealt us some not so good cards, we may have a chemical imbalance (hereditary or otherwise achieved) and we may think generally with a more negative outlook as a result, but sick and different to others we are not! This can happen to the best of us. I'm usually feeling better at nights and I know to or will wake up anxious and upset, but I am sure that it must get better.
Helping others is important, our duty ethically, so as long as we have the capacity to do so, but first we have to help ourselves so we can be strong. That is the first lesson I have learned in the last two weeks. Nobody helped me prevent what happened to me. My workload pushed me over the edge but nobody took work off me. My husband would never cancel any of his engagements so that I am not sitting here lonely. My parents didn't worry about the impact it would have on me for being alcoholics when I was little and all the abuse that came with it. So now, I have to swallow the bitter pill that nobody will sort my problems out for me. Does not mean I don't want to help others. I held down a high-powered job in a corporate working myself silly while husband is having fun playing guitar, AND worked every weekend in a charity shop and did fundraising events. Then I broke down. What use was that for? Who benefits now? Nobody. I have to find a way first to look after myself, before I can save the world (which is not possible anyway). And so do you. Don't be harsh on yourself, be good to yourself. I even ate a banana tonight - achievement!!! X
What illness do you have, or you think you have, if you don't mind me asking? Just so I understand you a bit better. Please don't call yourself crazy. X
Hannah, why.. Was it something I said? Will try to find your post. Still confused with the message functions here. You were the first who picked me up, please I hope nothing I said made you sad
Good to hear you slept well! Yes I figured later, when you wrote your post.
I'm not so good this morning. Was on a high last night feeling good, eventually must have fallen asleep around 2pm, and woke up nervous and panicked, as always.
Health team was supposed to deliver meds last night but called to say it will be today, but no clue when. They are a bit all over the place and I don't get much 1:1 support, well I had that one hour with the guy yesterday but I sense I'm getting on his nerves and he is always fiddling with his mobile, and always running late.
At 1.50 I have appointment for blood test and dreading it.
Sorry not meaning to spread sadness around. It's so unpredictable with these mood swings.
Please give us some news after your appointment. xxx
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