I'm tired. Stupid. Worthless... Happy. Confident. Smart.

[BonelessSproot]

*Trigger warning: my English are bad.*

Let me introduce: I'm 17, from Greece and I like nature,physics and music. My childhood wasn't great but not too difficult either. I'm usually appear as quiet,shy but confident, especially around people I love, can be silly too. I've been sexually assaulted as a child more than twice. Most of the children hated me for no reason and I stopped trying to befriend them at some point. Most of the few friends I ever had were proven to be arsholes in the end.Now I'm hanging around with some guys that even though we know each other since always we're not that close. And I don't care, really. I love my stepfather, my mom, my boyfriend BUT I don't love myself. For the past two years I noticed that something was wrong with me. I have some crazy mood swings and have been feeling "depressed" for long periods of time, I even cut myself twice. (I said to my family/friends that "my cat did it" Haha, classic.) Then regret it and proudly stop doing it and take care of myself. And Feel confident and happy. And Then "depressed" again. No one knows about what's going on in my head. Even I don't. I can't talk to anyone about how exactly I feel, my mom and my stepfather most of the time say I'm "overdramatic" whenever I talk to them about something that concerns me. My boyfriend really cares about me, he's very nice, he's the best person that has entered my life, but I don't want to make him more worried than he already is. (That is, because of some physical health issues I have, too.) plus we're going to break up in about a year because we're going to study in different countries and I don't want him to remember me as a bipolar bitch. So yes, I suspect I'm bipolar, maybe I even have more issues than that or a different one and I really want to see a psychologist. I've told my mom before, about two years ago but she didn't take me seriously. I believe that I must do it though because I don't think that wanting to die and destroy yourself is normal, let alone feel confident and happy the other week. I live in a small community, in an island and it COSTS to leave this place.

What I came up with is to go see a psychologist by myself sometime, I'm tired of being like this and I think it's getting more and more annoying and it started to affect my life.

So I just wanted to talk to somebody about this, you don't have to answer. I feel stupid and alone. Tommorow I may feel happy and think how stupid I was for doing this ⤴. Haha. Peace.

[BonelessSproot]

I usually appear * sorry.

[chazzer1]

hi be strong you are young get some help. its not good to feel how you do.

[MAS_Nurse]

BonelessSproot,

I am very sorry that you are going through such a difficult time, it must be so hard for you especially as you are only 17. I would suggest that you arrange a visit with your Gp as soon as possible. Perhaps some medication may help you to be able to balance your mood swings better. I would explain to your Gp all about your varying moods, from happy to feeling so low and depressed. A referral to the community mental health services may also help and follow up on your wish to see a psychologist. It is important that you seek Professional Medical Advice and get a proper diagnosis of your illness. Also some counselling may be of benefit, to talk things through about your thoughts and feelings, and how difficult some days are for you.

As administrators for this forum for Health Unlocked , we have had to edit some language in your post, please see the ***., as some community members may feel distressed at certain language. Also please look at the Pinned Posts on your right side, Use of Inappropriate Language and Community Guidelines, as all members must follow these guidelines by Health Unlocked and the Shaw Mind Foundation.

Please also in this section take a look at Crisis Support Helplines International and Free Guides on Mental Health Issues and illnesses.

It is a very good sign that you are forward thinking and planning next year to move to a different country and study. This shows that you are motivated and the fact that you told your Mum how you are feeling is also very positive, please keep Mum up to date with how you are feeling as she may support you to find a psychologist that you so wish to see. These are clear signs of wanting to get better, but again please seek medical advice to get the professional help and support you need. Let us know how you are getting on. Good luck and very best wishes and kindness to you.

[DragonTears]

Hey BonelessSproot,

Thanks for sharing your story. I am from a eastern European country originally and I have some Greek friends, but I recognise the same kind of "old school" attitude towards mental health from both. We have it everywhere, but at least in the UK and other so called "western" countries, there has been some movement towards accepting the importance of a healthy mind. My parents and other community members from those countries/cultures have often expressed a similar unwillingness to understand. They often say things like "stop dramatising" or "just get over it" or "you are too lazy or have too little to do if you think about these things". Also often I get the "your life is so easy compared to when I was young..blah blah". it is often seen as a sign of weakness to feel stress or depressive thoughts. It is not easy to not feel crazy in those circumstances. We know better now about these things and it will take time for the knowledge to spread and become normal.

I am sorry you have no support within your family, but happy that your boyfriend sort of understands. Life can be so up and down that sometimes we can't handle it. A change is probably a good thing if you feel stuck. You say you are off to study elsewhere and that will do you good I think! See some new people, different opinions and new views.

But at the same time, you really should go see your doctor as you may well have (like you also suspect already) some other condition that needs actual medical attention. Don't suffer just because other's don't understand, you have to look after yourself and your doctor will understand. It doesn't matter if you are young or old, a problem is a problem. There is no point in you suffering when you could feel a lot better. Go see the doctor, it is worth it!

I hope you find a way through this and keep us posted!

Big Hugs Xx

[Margaret1601]

Hi. I new to this forum and do not have any magic, quick fits answers, but reading your message is like reading about my younger self, everything you said is the same as I my teenage years. Im now 50 and a few years ago discovered Cyclothymia after research and it matched me perfectly.

Before this I felt like a fraud as I did not fit any other profile, not really bi polar, not really a eating disorder, not really an alcohol, not really addicted to sex, not always depressed etc. Just all of these this and more sometimes.

Im still trying to manage my condition on a daily basic but knowing there is a 'label' that fits me made in feel stronger to deal with me. Look at posts from Stephen Fry and Rhian HY youtube.com/watch?v=tuJkS-_...(Not working as expected?)

Understand myself more really does help me cope with it, even when I cant fixes it. I find mindfulness very helpful and take cod liver oil/vitamins daily.

Do try to talk to friends and family you trust and keep trying to get support, hope to talk more

[eeeeeeee]

i thought ur english was great xx love from marge and the kids.