Realising more over the years that I have bipolar

[Smab]

Over the years, I've been aware I have most of the symptoms of bipolar and the mania and depression that comes with it.

As I'm sure most people with it are aware, it just sucks and I'm now at the point I don't have interest in anything at all and would really want to give up on life. Even smaller things set me off and make me feel useless and helpless.

I feel as though I'm a compulsive liar and I've been reading about the possible correlation of telling added lies as part of trying to make myself look high and mighty which when I think about it has been very true.

It's more frustrating when I recognise what I say or so much later and how destructive t can be especially with those I care about.

I just don't know what to do. I don't even see the point of this pitiful existence we all seem to have. We seem to be born to die - as cliché as it sounds there isn't really a hole in that reasoning.

[WhiteAlice]

I have learned quite a lot about the behaviors of the bipolar from my former boyfriend. I have learned that without professional help, medication & therapy, there is no relief from the difficult symptoms for the patient & their loved ones. I also learned that beneath the unreasonable anger, the promuscuity, the excessive energy of mania, and deep, dark depression, there can be an incredibly beautiful person. Don't make the same mistake he has made. Grasp that beautiful peron within you & get help. Don't give up. You are worth getting well.

[Olderal]

Hello Smab it certainly sucks and losing interest in everything is pretty typical. No one philosopher,scientist or whatever, whether sad or happy , religious or atheist has ever managed to satisfactorily define the point of our existence. That of course does not mean there isn't a point,we just don't know what it is .Indeed does there have to be a point at all ?.

However if your depression is typical you will again know and reach happier times again and will then be less concerned about the point of it all. If you've been telling porkies to look high and mighty, don't do it or we'll ask you in turn,what is the point ?.

I'm sure your judgement of yourself is pretty harsh as is true for most people suffering depression and you are a far better person than you currently rate yourself.

In the mean time until then just do what the rest of us do and hang in there and try not to be destructive to others as maybe the point of living is to increase the sum total of human happiness. There is IMO a very,very slim chance all will be revealed when we die but no need to rush that,we're all heasding that way anyway.

I'm sure you know as well as I do that once this spell of depression ends ,as it will, existence will no longer seem pitiful and the wonder and magic of being will return.

At the moment I feel exactly like you, but after 40 years of quite serious depressive spells I think it is almost certain I will lose this feeling and want to thank someone or something just for being alive. Thats what has always happened in the past.

Olderal

[Grenville in reply to Olderal]

Thank you for your inspiring words.

[Smab]

You have all been invaluable. It's good to hear words from people in a similar situation who actually have an idea of what's happening. I can't thank you all enough

[ukguyste]

i had to join after reading you're post. it was like i had posted that myself! i am at the exact same point as you are. my compulsive lies tho are to friends and family. not bigging myself up. just lying about what im doing so everyone thinks everything is ok. where as in truth i will be sat in my house drinking alone. i have managed to keep up the charde for over 6 months so far. i know my comment is of no help and advice really. i think my point is more of you are not the only one feeling the way you do. and doing the things you are doing.

[Robe9]

Hi, I also joined based on the post but then read ukguyste post also. Both posts are me too. I've been referred to the mental health unit and an appointment letter came today. I'm just scared of telling a stranger exactly what I have said/done/behaved like but know I can't lie x