Loneliness and despair

Hi everyone :)

My names Jade, I've been struggling with depression for 7 years now, and there are times were things will get so bad, I'm not myself anymore. I can sometimes get way too happy and then have a real low the next week. A few years back I went to a counselor because I thought I had bipolar, they said it was too rapid. However I just feel as though there's something else, my mind never stops, the anti depressants don't help. The feeling of hopelessness and doubt is never ending. I am very lonely after moving to London for my career and I just really need some help or someone to talk to.

I am also happy to talk and help others :)


18 Replies

  • hi jade, can I ask if you suffered from depression before the move?

  • Hi, yes I've been suffering from 16

  • First you are very brave to have moved, I love the thought of starting over some where new, don't like change, have you looked at support groups might be good to meet people that know how you feel.

  • Well I wouldn't know where to start with support groups, I literally just found this website, I'm just feeling so lost and very alien. I speak to my boyfriend and he has no idea how to react.

  • its difficult for people to understand if they haven't experienced it them selves, they tend to say the wrong things, like snap out of it, don't start with that crap, just makes you feel worse, love him I'm sure he try's.

    mind mental health run groups might be worth looking into it, I done the recovery college with mind it runs for four weeks, you don't have to talk about anything personal you can chat if you want or just listen. I'm looking for over groups now till mind start back up.

  • Yeah, I might look into the mind mental health groups because they may help. My life is so unpredictable I can't just get on track to do something, my mind always tells me to do something else. Thank you for your help :)

  • hello Jade, i'm not a medic but there are forms of bipolar where cycling between happy and depressed happens quickly. Alternatively you might not have bipolar at all but its important to get an accurate diagnosis through your GP or if he feels it necessary through referral to a psychiatrist. Don't let any of this become too worrying , I'm 73 ,bipolar and largely led a happy and productive life albeit with some unhappy and depressed times. This is true for most of us

    Finding the right anti depressant sometimes take time and they take time before becoming effective so you'll need some courage while the medics sort things out. Keep as socially active as possible, difficult when you've moved for your career but you are in one of the world's most exciting cities with clubs,societies and social groups to cater for every interest,and even alone London can be exciting to walk in.. Talk to your work colleagues and tell them you miss friends and home. That's perfectly natural and you might find others who are feeling alone and would welcome your friendship. Despite the wonder of London it has a lot of lonely people. This will mean being more outgoing than you feel comfortable with when depressed but tell yourself to hell with it and do it.

    You might be doing someone else a huge favour and we're always here to unburden to. Hide your self doubt and any other negative things as well as possible. You'll be surprised at how unobservant most people are.

    Best of luck and a webhug (())


  • Hi Olderal,

    Thank you for reaching out :) The truth is; I just want to be normal. I don't want to have to worry, be upset and I don't want to take pills to make me happy, they make me feel so numb. I did see a few counselors a while back, but honestly they were so patronising or didn't believe what I was saying, it made everything worse. They suggested bipolar and said a lot of people don't get diagnosed til years and years.

    To be honest, I really don't like London. All my hobbies that I did at home (Dorset) I can't do here, so I've tried doing other things to keep my mind of things, but my mind doesn't shut off, its a vicious circle. Everything in London costs money, I cant afford it, and that's sad. I would love to move, but again I've learnt you cant have happiness without compromise... I've come straight to London from University because I couldn't get a job related to my degree anywhere else... I'm still applying and I haven't heard anything back... so I'm just sat here waiting and waiting, then my mind just takes control...

    I am open to my work colleagues about everything, but they just say the same thing as everyone else does because they don't know how to react... So now I just don't mention it because I'm scared of being judged...

    Life's meant to be rewarding, nothing that I'm doing at the moment even comes close. I am very hard on myself because I feel as though time is precious, I am just getting frustrated because I feel trapped.

    Thank you for replying to me,

    Jade x

  • I think the word "Normal" is a debatable word,everyone has their own ideology of the word "Normal",personally i feel what might feel normal to me,might not be normal to someone else,but what might be normal to someone else might not be normal to me.

    So what you might think is normal,may not be normal,but what you think is not normal may well indeed be normal.

    In regard's to the depression not being normal,to a degree being depressed throughout some part of life i feel is normal,because the reality is sad thing's happen in life.

    And some people are more sensetive to such thing's then what other people are,it does not make that person not normal it does not make that person different,it just makes that person more receptive of the event's that take place around them.

    Personally i feel no pill can really make you find "true" happines,it may help but it's not real from within,but if they help obviously then i wouldn't suggest people not take them,but still the age old adjective of real happines come's from within,i suppose ring's true to a degree.

  • I just want to be happy that's normal to me, to be stable, to be what humans are meant to be. We are meant to live. Curling up in a ball every night because your sad or you feel worthless isn't living. I know depression doesn't go away and honestly I'm petrified... My family has suffered with it for years and years, and I've watched it wear away my mum because her mind is over active...It's not something that can be cured or swept under a rug. I suppose I just want to know why I'm like this, why can we not just be happy? Isn't that the goal? its just hard

  • I suppose to some extent asking why can't i be happy is like asking is there a god?

    In regard's to the question of why are you like this? well i suppose if you dig deep enough you will eventually come across that answer/answers to that question,i just don't think it will be an instant thing but more of a long term thing to figure out.

    In regard's to the goal,well everyone has their own set of goal's in regard's to life,i consider happiness a feeling,not so much something to aim for,there is no way to controll happiness,saddness,etc,etc(well obviously pills do help but thats a different story).

    I suppose the step's you take in life can to a degree dictate what you feel more of, in regard's to happiness etc etc.

  • I know why I'm depressed but I don't know what my next step is? if that makes any sense... I want to move, get another job, but I can't because Life stops you... I feel trapped. In my mind I'm free, but my body is trapped in a society that won't let you move... Like before I know it ill be 80 with no hair or teeth with the same issue... I just don't get it...

  • I really feel for you jade i am pretty simularif you need to talk anytime send me your number via message and i will help in any way possible x

  • For me its been over 10 years and the separation from my children is unbearable i am not going to see them grow up now and I hate everyone who is still in their lives in my place

  • I'm so sorry to hear that, is there a reason why you cannot see your kids? or is there anyway this can be sorted? hugs x

  • Discovering these posts.makes me feel great full that I can understand the awful sadness of depression. I have my own issues but I really feel that so many people suffer it's not just me.its a good thing just putting into words how sad and lonely your feeling .we are not alone in hope everyone on here can find help .you all help me just by putting your story out there.miloholly x

  • Hello Jade. if you are continuing to work with spells of depression you are showing great courage and resolve so well done. There are forms of Bipolar where cycling is rapid so I would see a GP and try to get an accurate diagnosis (easier said than done). Before going I would find out all you can about depression and bipolar (the wikipedia articles are quite good, Jim Phelp's American site PsychEducation .org and the shaw Mind Foudation publications are all good ). The reason for this is that in my experience many GPs and even psychiatrists are not that good at accurately diagnosing types of depression and the more you know the more likely it is that you'll end up with an accurate diagnosis , for what its worth. Doing all this will make you feel less helpless, after all you'll be doing something positive to help with the problem, which is good in itself.

    ADs probably are helping (you don't know how you'd be without them) but only a bit and you'll probably have to be persistent with your GP to try a few to find what best suits you but be aware that they can take up to 3 months to become fully effective, and even then they are only a help.

    I don't have the rapid cycling form of bipolar but my guess is that its a form that could enable you to live a pretty normal life as you won't get the long 6 month spells of depression without relief which are the most debillitating of the moods one can be pitched into.

    Loneliness is a big problem, but you are living in a city which has the best facilities in the UK whatever your interests. Join a club, society or group that you think will most interest you. better still join a couple. This is an essential part of "treatment" as you need to maximise your social contacts as much as possible however much you may not feel like doing this at times. With any luck at all this should lead to new friends or acquaintances which will help with the very real problem of loneliness. Exercise ( outdoor is best ,walking will do, but social exercise in a sports team is better still ,dancing ? --its not outdoor but its social ), healthy eating and sleep habits all help as well. Depression is a bad enemy and you need to be as fit and healthy as possible.

    When on your own, good books,dvds,music,a hobby will all help to keep your mind off depressive thoughts and self doubt. A w/e back home occasionally might help as well.

    Depression is a serious enemy but it can be beaten and with the courage you're showing and the potential of living in London I'd be putting money on you as someone who will find ways of beating it.


  • Hi Olderal,

    Thank you for your kind words, I ended up in hospital a few weeks back when I was back at home because I was so so unwell and I couldnt cope, the person that saw me suggested that I didnt have Bipolar but severe depression and anxiety. He then said that this had been brought on by my childhood rather than the experience that I thought. Ive tried literally everything, hobbies, going out trying to keep my mind distracted and positive but nothing seems to work. Im taking a step at a time but nothing seems to work. I feel like im missing something but i dont know what. Thank you for your support :)

    Jade x

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