Marjoire

[Marjoire]

I am in hospital and I feel like running away my mind turmoil I can't cope with my illness chronic hep b not my fault my depression is killing me iam so sorry that I annoyed everyone

[Marjoire]

Iam sorry

[45frec_s in reply to Marjoire]

Hi Marjorie

I am new to this site and also like you not sure how to use it, I picked up on your posts that I think started 18 days ago. I have tried to follow them to date but only found upto 2 weeks ago. I really, really feel for you with my heart, soul and whole being. It is so incredibly difficult for you to say out loud, what you are feeling or thinking when you don't understand yourself! I suffer with Bipolar, which went undetected for 10 years. The desperation, loneliness, hopelessness that you describe I really understand, it is such an overwhelming feeling of feeling nothing that you wonder why go on? You say you are weak and feel weak and I know the emotional pain feels like physical pain BUT you are strong as you have reached out here and you want to be happy, which is just a glimmer of hope but it's a start. The Drs at A&E are more interested in physical issues. I've been turned away and ignored many times. There are some GREAT Mental Health sites that will not only listen they will get you the RIGHT help. I like you was desperate, I took over 10 overdoses in 10 years, my mind still sometimes won't let me do things. You really do need help and I know you are strong enough to get it. Mind are an excellent mental health charity and DO NOT ever judge. I, have had to receive alot of help and meds but 10 years on I'm doing OK. I really hope you are doing a little better. My thoughts are with you.

Shelley 🌻x

[Marjoire in reply to 45frec_s]

Thank you so very much I feel so drained like a limp flower with its head bowed in sadness and pain wilting at every thought feeling the pain in my heart and I can't thank you enough you've been to through so much ahh I really wish I had my mummy back xxxx

[45frec_s in reply to Marjoire]

You don't need to to apologise for how you are feeling or what you are thinking. No one ever has to be the same as anyone else. It's good to be different. I love flowers and any flower limp or otherwise is still beautiful. Have you lost your Mum x

[Marjoire in reply to 45frec_s]

Yes I have I miss her so much we nursed her tenderly four years past with pancreatic cancer I loved her so very much my heart is in pain if she were here I'd be with her xxxx

[45frec_s in reply to Marjoire]

That's very sad and the emotional pain you are feeling is understandable, it does feel like physical pain, a loss that great is difficult to cope with. I too lost my mum to cancer very suddenly, 11 years ago now. I still miss her. The thing I found with emotional pain is that you know how much it hurts or how much it is likely to hurt, but there is no pain killer like for it like there is for physical pain. So you have to release it, cry and cry, feel the desperation, the loneliness, stay in bed and hide for a week if that's how you feel but you have to feel the emotional pain in order to deal with it. I'm still scared of that feeling but I know it helps to release it. 🥀 a limp but pretty flower x

[Marjoire in reply to 45frec_s]

I am lying still awake reading your post again how awful for you you really didn't have life easy at all and your still here your so very brave it scares me exactly way you've written is me I am scared thinking they diagnosed me with chronic depression personality disorder and maybe it's bipolar someone said to me that personality disorder and bipolar r very much alike and maybe they've made mistake I really don't no scared really down my mind saying I can do things I like but wen I try my mind won't let me feel like I am losing it worried my family dismiss anything I say and I haven't saw them face to face in months iam weakest link this is destroying me I just don't want people seeing me talking about me judging me way I used be I am lost don't no or recognise me my life lost xxxxx

[PeekabooFace]

You haven't annoyed anyone. Just glad you're able to have some help now, and please please keep talking to us x

sending hugs marjoire xx

[Journeywithoutmaps]

Yeah, truesay, you haven't annoyed anyone at all, you haven't been well and you are getting the help you need. You need rest and support from people. We are here to help so please don't feel like you have been a burden on anyone.

I hope you get the rest and help you need whilst you are in hospital.

Live long and prosper.

Journeywithoutmaps.

[Marjoire in reply to Journeywithoutmaps]

Thank you so much I am out hospital and came out last night in a terrible state xxx

[Marjoire in reply to Journeywithoutmaps]

Hi not sure anyone getting my posts I never thought that there was a site like this its great giving so much support to everyone who needs it xxx

[mysmugcat]

Hello I'm so glad you're getting help. We do care. You're not alone. Pm anytime.

[Marjoire in reply to mysmugcat]

Last nite in hospital disaster and doctor sent me out in a bad state crying wouldn't ring me taxi felt waste time xx

[Marjoire in reply to mysmugcat]

How are you iam hoping your well today a Better day xx

[Hidden]

Annoyed everyone where? Here? Have you been here under a different alias? x

[Marjoire]

I don't understand your text but thank you for caring in hospital feel empty

[tofler]

You haven't annoyed anyone. Depression is a horrible illness which makes our mind torment us with lies and all sorts of other unhelpful thoughts. Have you been struggling with depression for a long time? I hope you can resist the urge to run away from hospital because that might be the safest place for you at the moment and at least it means there are other people around rather than being alone at home.

[Marjoire in reply to tofler]

Thank you for being here for me my hospital visit last night was awful after hours doc not understanding and didn't listen give me tablets in hospital felt worse after taking them told her and then give me morphine and I was in a lot pain she sent me home crying wouldn't ring taxi I went came home distraught XXX

[Marjoire]

Thank u so much tonight I was in pain felt worse wen I was given tablets then morphine and hospital were not very helpful I told them I'd pain in my stomach after I'd taken tablets they'd given to me and I wsd bent over in pain told doctor pain was awful she just dismissed me discharging me and I leftvcrying and I am only back and I no there is something wrong beginning think I've cancer in my stomach I've been getting really bad night sweats and I read some were it cud be early sign cancer googling my head to distraction and it is depression and my mind racing feeling dreadful thinking I got no were in hospital tonight the doctor I believe was flippant sending me out in tears xxxc

[marigold22]

You said the doctor was flippant and sent you out. So, are you back home Marjoire? If I was anywhere near you, I would come and see you. Big hugs x x x

[Marjoire in reply to marigold22]

Hi I am only upbi feel awful I rang my doctor for her to ring me I feel weak and shaky thank you so much for caring xxx

[Marjoire in reply to marigold22]

I am back home had ring my doc and leave a mesge for her to ring me they sent me out in pain wouldn't ring me taxi and tablets they give me give me pain and Dr was not understanding and I'd no choice only to go and they didn't care how or wat happened to me

[marigold22]

You say you have Hep B and depression. Do you have any other health issues? You haven't written anything in your profile on here so we don't know much about you. Do you have any family at all? How old are you? How long have you lived where you are? People on here will try to help you but we need to know more about you. Hugs

[Marjoire in reply to marigold22]

Hi I went hospital waste time doc flippant with my illness and ssy my bloods good even though I was in pain give me tablets hospital made me worse give me morphine and I asked doc wat is wrong why am I in pain she just looked at me said she didn't no I have chronic hep b diagnosed Jan past completely took me of my feet was only fit go from sofa table table to bed went down to seven stone no energy this hep b virus attacks liver and has weakened my body and immune system and fr this virus I got pherifal nuropathy which damaged my nerve endings along with chronic depression personality disorder I am not coping everything compounded has destroyed me as a person I am only 52 years old broke up last weekend with my partner three years he's playing mind games wen I was with him he and I argued all time he sat drinking playing stupid games TV and he was stone walling me not talking wouldn't answer wen I spoke it drove me insane our arguments turned me even more into deep depression I love him still he was verbal threw me into TV then lifted TV threw it st me this wasn't first time he was volatile and verbal yesterday in hospital he rang playing music to me made me sad my nerves wrecked he sent me pics then after few texts said bye I am nervous anxious and my mind can't take anymore my life turmoil I live in northern Ireland Lurgan co Armagh xxx

[Marjoire in reply to Marjoire]

I don't no he is playing with my feelings he No's I love him he is thirty seven me fifty two age never mattered to him me insecure after mind verbal he always told me iam beautiful but why is he doing this he wants me to suffer I am and he told me last week he didn't care before all that he said he loves me he is destroying me mentally playing music to me the words in music don't u still love me the same I love h I'm deeply why I can't stop loving him x

[marigold22]

To be honest, the last thing you need in your life is an abusive man. I've been there more than once. I decided to stay single through choice after a few bad relationships. Now I do get lonely sometimes but at least I can choose what I do and don't have to keep a man happy. I don't have much money - only a government pension, but many women do manage. I think you need to talk your situation through with a counsellor so you can gather yourself and identify what you want and need.

[Marjoire]

Thank you I am lost I feel that there is physically wrong with me mentally u stable scared why do I love him still xx

[bantam12 in reply to Marjoire]

You must be under a hepatology team for hep b so give them a call.

[Marjoire in reply to bantam12]

I don't no wat is wrong they ssy my bloods good x

[mysmugcat in reply to Marjoire]

Hello Marjoire you have suffered from physical and mental abuse from him. Could you be co-dependent on him? We are all here for you.

[Marjoire in reply to mysmugcat]

I argued as well he stonecwalled me and he said I pushed his buttons that it was my fault he snapped is it iam nervous anxious as I still miss him even though I walked away I love him wat is wrong with me xx

[mysmugcat in reply to Marjoire]

He hurt you on a number of occasions you said, unacceptable. I am thinking of you @marjorie

[Marjoire in reply to mysmugcat]

I still worry yes he was wrong first time he ever hit me he said he was ashamed and hated himself it must have got easier as wen he got angry before my fault again I made him angry and he threw a piping hot dinner out of microwave and threw it on my chest badly burning me leaving me today with scars not only ugly on outside it has scarred me deeply inside and everyday I get changed or a bath I am forever reminded of him why just seems everything my fault as again reiterate I push his buttons xx

[mysmugcat in reply to Marjoire]

I am so sorry Marjoire MarjoireMarMarjMMarjoireMarjoireM

Sorry silly phone. It is his temper out of control. Would you seek counseling as suggested? I understand the scars pm if you want more info.

[Marjoire in reply to mysmugcat]

I believe I need a lot of councelling for do many things xx

[Marjoire in reply to mysmugcat]

Hi I want to thank you for being here for me this isn't easy road xx

[bantam12]

But if you have hep b you should be seeing a hepatologist who will manage your ongoing symptoms, if you haven't been referred then you need to sort it asap.

[Marjoire in reply to bantam12]

I do have hep b consultant I am not well no one listening

[bantam12 in reply to Marjoire]

Suggest you change consultant in that case.

[Sarah1111111]

you did not annoy anyone, we just cared about you.Really pleased you are getting the help and support you need from the hospital. I hope you make a good recovery. Keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on xxxxxx

[Sarah1111111 in reply to Sarah1111111]

ok, or maybe not getting support sorry I only just read the whole thread. perhaps go to your gp - book a longer appointment and explain to them what you are sharing with us on here. They should be able to suggest where you can get support - both for what you went though in your relationship (which is quite common, and also common to still love him even after what has happened so don't feel bad about that) and for your physical symptoms . if its hard to talk about write it down on paper and just hand it to them to read - that often happens in appointments and it means you can get everything you want to say across. good luck and know that we all care about you xx