Getting worse ......

[DiamondHeart]

Hi all , me and my partner tried to work things out.

He said he couldn't be the man i needed him to be an love me the way i need , in the net breath he promised to try.

I don't weather I am coming or going , yesterday i asked if it really was worth it all and he couldn't tell me .. all i got was I don't know , i don't know if i can be the man you need.

I ended up getting angry an just saying forget it , hes lost the best thing he ever had and only wanting me when it suits him has destroyed me.

I haven't heard anything since , i think being ignored speaks volumes , if he was willing to save this relationship i would of thought he'd of moved mountains to sort this.

Will his depression i dont no if the medication is blocking the bag things but also the good things cominng through also ?

Or is it just time to call it a day for both our mental health sake.

xx

[20Voices]

It is really tough having depression and trying to sort out your relationship as well. I felt I couldn't think straight and I felt like I was useless to my partner. He really confused me at times and I tried to make him see that although I was ill I still wanted to try and get our relationship back to being good.

I got so confused because he'd tell me that he knew everything about depression and didn't need to help me by coming to sessions with me. I got confused because he'd complain about me taking medication and then complain about me not taking it or telling me to go get it changed even after only having been on it for a week. I asked him if he'd come to a stress control class with me, it was only one evening a week for 6 weeks and I thought if he came he could remind me of what the sessions had been about, just be there for support because I was so tired I did not know how much I'd take in. In the end I ended up doing the course twice and the 2nd time my Mum came along to support me which was great because I had someone to talk to about how I felt and as the class was more than just about stress she understood how I was feeling better.

I knew that the state I was in I was no good to my husband, but I was looking for the support to help me get back to how I was. The things that happened with my partner just went on to confirm that I was a useless person. that is was I thought at the time, but I know differently now. I wish my marriage had worked out, but I have to move on now.

I really feel your pain over this and I hope that you can work this out.

All the best for the future.

[DMM218 in reply to 20Voices]

20Voices - a surviving marriage isn't always a good one. Seriously, your husband disrespected you by his treatment of you when you needed him most. That's his problem. I hope you find your own happiness.

[20Voices in reply to DMM218]

Thank you, I am happier now than i have been for a long time. Still trying to get the divorce sorted out, it has been too long but I know I am happier on my own right now, although it would have been nice if he had been around to support me because I know I would have gotten better quicker with his help.

Unfortunately, we don't always know how people are going to react and it turns out my change in personality with the anxiety and depression was too much for him. So sad as I am well on the path of being so much better than I was before all this.

[DMM218]

Hello, I've just learnt the hard way that if there is no trust, respect, honesty and support then nothing will ever make it work (with or without depression)

It's hard, heartbreaking but you deserve better.

If things are meant to be he will work on changing his ways so that he can be the best man for you.

I've just realised how much more I should have got from a recent relationship. It's quite pathetic the lies he has told himself to justify his selfish behaviour. The real crime is I lost my last chance of having more family in the years it took for me to finally see what his problems were, it's also been a major contributor to my mental ill health.

So move on, take care of yourself, find yourself again and love every single bit of you.

As I read today, if he is dumb enough to lose you, be smart enough to accept it and move on.

There is a better future without him.

[20Voices in reply to DMM218]

So true, sorry you lost your chance for more family. I tried for a family with my ex and unfortunately it was not to be.

So I was hoping after we had gotten him to his dream in 2012 that we could talk about adopting or fostering, but I was starting to get ill then so it never happened. I spoke to some fostering agencies in 2015 when we split up and was advised to wait until the divorce is finalized so that I have a stable home, but since I am still battling the divorce who knows if I will be able to foster.

However, I am working on being positive about my life and my future so I have a vision board set up that I see every morning and evening, that includes me having a family. I would like to foster so that I can spend time with the children to give them the best care while they are with me and wouldn't be able to do that if I had to work as well.

At the moment I am volunteering with a children's charity and every time I go and help with the children I know that fostering it what I want to do.

We all owe it to ourselves to be happy, I tried and tried again to give my ex options to come back, but I was deluding myself. I mean how could I trust him after he moved in with another woman. I know now I owe it to myself to find someone who is happy to support and look after me as much as I support and look after him. Whether I will meet this guy I don't know, but I will make my life happy and if it happens, it happens.

To everyone who is making decisions about their relationships, I wish you all the best and it really isn't easy at all to make these decisions. You will know in your heart what is the right decision, my decision was made from my heart and although I have given him more chances that was because I was grieving the loss of my lover, friend and soul mate. I still know the decision was correct.

Take care.

[DiamondHeart]

Thank you booth so much for these words , they have really hit my heart and made me feel better.

We spoke and he said we need to end , and hes doing it for me , for my sake he cant bee the man I need and he cant love me how I need.

I feel numb but also good u have closure , it panicks me to thing he may move on someone may replace me.

I need to just be happy and understand hes in a very dark place and its not me i spose

x