Hi, I just joined this site today and I am 24 years old. I've suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life but over the last five years it's become severe. I think my hardest thing lately is dealing with working and potentially letting my employers down, I completely agree that working helps me and helps me stay motivated and feel useful. But for example On Monday morning I had a full blown panic attack because my car wouldn't start to get to work and I had no other way into work, I also have to mention that I made the mistake (which I will NEVER do again) the previous weekend of drinking wayyyyy to hard while continuing to take my medication (celexa) so Sunday and Monday I felt absolutely awful, shaky, sleepless, nauseous etc. so having severe anxiety my brain snowballed and told my boss I was having a family emergency to get out of work because I just never think my bosses will believe that I need a mental health day (not to mention I have only been at this job for 1 and a half month) my bosses of course believed me and were very sympathizing of a family emergency, but now of course I feel like even more garbage for lying, but I really feel I needed these days to go to my doctor and reset. And I feel if I had told the truth I may have got fired considering it's new job.
Sometimes I wish I just didn't have to work, or I could be my own boss, and that's not coming from laziness or entitlement. I try so so hard to impress my bosses with my work when I am there, I genuinely believe I have a good work ethic, but I hate letting people down 😭 And I feel my anxiety and depression constantly lead me to do that.
I just wish I could work for myself so that I didn't have to let anyone down or have to feel guilty or anxious about needing to take a break for my mental health.
I also realize that this anxiety over the past few days is completely my fault and I had caused it by making the mistake of drinking too much on a new medication. I'm hoping with this realization and correction it will ease my anxiety and depression and I won't need to miss anymore work. I just hate the fear of losing my job constantly 😭 Especially because my dad is arm employer and a baby boomer and he does not believe in missing work really at all.
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Aleighp
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I used to put far too much pressure on myself about having my standards way way way higher than the standards I judged others by. I would also over think problem and even blame myself for other peoples failings at work.
I'd suggest that you agree with yourself to put the car issue behind you and accept that you have learned from the experience. We are all allowed to make mistakes and the best we can do is learn from them and it sounds like you have.
If you need to go to your doctor then go. Does your work really need to know why you are going to see your doctor? Maybe you should check your colleague handbook if your company has one to find out about what the rules are regarding doctor appointments and also check noticeboard to see if there is any mention of what is available from your company regarding work life balance and health.
Do you have any techniques or plans that you use to help you forgive yourself when you have done something wrong and to help you move on from that stage? I find it helpful to review what I have learnt from the CBT programs, courses and the psychologist I saw when I am not feeling great.
My Dad doesn't understand anxiety and depression. He is 70 and of the era where you just got on with it. He does however understand that I would not be off sick if I didn't need to be because I never missed a day of school. Different generations have had different issues. To give you an example my niece and nephew who are 13 and 16 were astounded that when myself and their Mum was at school we did not have a computer, there was no internet and our studying was done from paperbooks and at the library. They couldn't believe that we couldn't text our friends and that we were even restricted as to when and how long we could use the landline phone. We should then the pictures of our first computer which was a ZX spectrum and the games were loaded from tapes.
Jesse Glynne sang a song called "Don't be so hard on yourself" and that title is my mantra when I am giving myself grief for a mistake.
Remember it is our experiences that we learn and grow from and that make us the people we are. You are a better person from the experience.
Hello Aleigip, Welcome to this supportive community. 20Voices has given you some very sound advice. We all make mistakes, but learn from them, forgive yourself and move on. Dwelling on our past mistakes and ruminating over the negative thoughts and feelings isn't helpful, and in order to move on, we need to let them go. Sometimes writing down what we've done, then tearing or shredding them, can be a symbolic way of letting them go. Psychological therapies such as CBT can help you address these repetitive negative thought patterns. As you have begun to experience, this community is empathic and folks here know how you feel and can share what's helped them. Learn about your medications and their interactions from sites such as: In U.S:
I know what you mean about work. I've recently had a promotion and when I'm feeling low I start thinking things like "they'll regret choosing me; they'll take it back off me and give it to someone else." The reality (far easier to give advice than to accept it!) is that without your health, you can't be successful at your job. It's worth investing time making yourself OK again, even it means p'ing your boss off!
i struggle with this as feel like when im at work i just need to focus and get on with it. i hate taking time off as i feel im letting people down. i know it sounds silly but i am terrified that if i dont then i will find it hard to get another job. no one wants to have someone with illness on their staff so i feel like i need to have an exemplary record to prove myself.
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