Hi, I just joined this site today and I am 24 years old. I've suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life but over the last five years it's become severe. I think my hardest thing lately is dealing with working and potentially letting my employers down, I completely agree that working helps me and helps me stay motivated and feel useful. But for example On Monday morning I had a full blown panic attack because my car wouldn't start to get to work and I had no other way into work, I also have to mention that I made the mistake (which I will NEVER do again) the previous weekend of drinking wayyyyy to hard while continuing to take my medication (celexa) so Sunday and Monday I felt absolutely awful, shaky, sleepless, nauseous etc. so having severe anxiety my brain snowballed and told my boss I was having a family emergency to get out of work because I just never think my bosses will believe that I need a mental health day (not to mention I have only been at this job for 1 and a half month) my bosses of course believed me and were very sympathizing of a family emergency, but now of course I feel like even more garbage for lying, but I really feel I needed these days to go to my doctor and reset. And I feel if I had told the truth I may have got fired considering it's new job.
Sometimes I wish I just didn't have to work, or I could be my own boss, and that's not coming from laziness or entitlement. I try so so hard to impress my bosses with my work when I am there, I genuinely believe I have a good work ethic, but I hate letting people down 😭 And I feel my anxiety and depression constantly lead me to do that.
I just wish I could work for myself so that I didn't have to let anyone down or have to feel guilty or anxious about needing to take a break for my mental health.
I also realize that this anxiety over the past few days is completely my fault and I had caused it by making the mistake of drinking too much on a new medication. I'm hoping with this realization and correction it will ease my anxiety and depression and I won't need to miss anymore work. I just hate the fear of losing my job constantly 😭 Especially because my dad is arm employer and a baby boomer and he does not believe in missing work really at all.