What do I have? (Depression )

After I went to high school I've started to feel different, like feeling no happiness. I found out myself that helping people, being with my friends and meeting girls gives me some happiness in life but not enough. I hate that I have to find ways to be happy, it just gets tired everyday and I'm at the point that nothing can save me and I have accepted that. For me, the most important thing in life is to be happy, and if everyday is a struggle for me to find happiness then I don't want to live anymore. I checked on the internet for what kind of depression I have or even if I have a depression, because I got no problems with health or anything like that. I'm really healthy, good body, good friends, good family, wealthy (living above average) and in a good country, peaceful and nice but somehow I feel just empty. Had an awesome childhood in school and everything but somehow I just now feel empty all of the sudden. I've distanced my self from my friends (not 100%, I still go to the gym and swimming if they ask me to come), I've "friendzoned" girls that want to meet with me because I don't want to them to see that I'm just sad

because I can only fake it for sometime. I fake being happy with everyone so no one will notice, I smile all the time to hide it and I laugh a lot, like a lot. I've told 2 friends of mine and people at "Dale carnegie" but it still hasn't helped me, I've stopped being stressed but the "depression" is still there or something is there at least, stopping me to feel happiness.

Does anybody know what mental illness I have or am i just retarded lol (I joke a lot about sadness and stuff, that helps somewhat i guess).

Don't really want help with meds, ask family or visit the therapist, I have too much pride I guess....

2 Replies

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  • Hello,

    By the sound of it you need to talk to someone who can help you a bit more with those feelings you are having, wearing a mask all the time is very tiring.

    I know it is a big step but seeking help is the greatest thing you can do for yourself and the next step towards a happier you - it seems you have already acknowledged something is not right - that is the first step - well done

    Take care x

  • You would be wise to speak with your GP who will be able to offer advice. I know the feeling you describe of having to adopt a facade, a mask that none of your friends or family would recognise as being you if they were given a profile of your personality written on a piece of paper but without your name attached all too well. The problem is, my friend, and I have no desire to cause you concern, left unattended it becomes worse. It certainly sounds like you are suffering from some sort of depression and your GP ought to be able to offer you a referral to a psychiatrist who will provide you with the diagnosis you require. This is a journey which may take a lifetime to complete. I know that from experience. Take care.

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