Man Trapped in Trauma Bonded Marriage

[Inaquandary]

This situation is unusual as it is a male friend of mine who has been trapped in a trauma bond for 20 plus years, his wife is a controlling narcissist and he is petrified of her. I have read a lot about this subject in order to help him but most research seems to be pointed towards female victims. This guy is in his early 60s, she has isolated him from his friends and family, even his own daughters( not hers, they have no children together ) and now he is suffering from depression and terrible sadness.

Most peoples knee jerk reaction is “ oh grow some b@lls” but it doesn’t work like that. If anyone has any advice/ ideas for him I’d be grateful, or has had experience of this themselves.

PS they own their own home if that makes a difference.

Thank you!

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There are bound to be organisations that can help with this, even maybe the citizens advice might be able to help or give you a contact.

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Read this

gov.uk/guidance/domestic-ab...

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Talk to Social Services either through your GP SURGERY or Direct in the first instance.

[Blanca99]

I do thoroughly believe someone I love is going through a very similar situation. It is heart-wrenching. I feel hopeless... please any advice on this topic would be greatly appreciated!

[Inaquandary in reply to Blanca99]

Hi, I am so glad you replied to me as I have been feeling very alone in this situation with my friend, there is no physical abuse to speak of it’s all control and manipulation- this has gone on at least 25 years. He has just recently been diagnosed with depression, after sweeping his feelings under the carpet all this time it seems things are beginning to get a bit much.It’s not a subject that is discussed very much, the victims are usually assumed to be female but there are some wicked females out there also. x

[Blanca99 in reply to Inaquandary]

Absolutely! In the situation close to me, it's very bad!

[Blanca99 in reply to Blanca99]

He needs to leave her and seek out help for narcisstic abuse.

[Inaquandary in reply to Blanca99]

Absolutely. Does he realise this? Or is it head in the sand like my friend? x

[Blanca99 in reply to Inaquandary]

I'm not sure. ..

[Debaura in reply to Blanca99]

There is a neighbor in this abusive relationship she seems to be controlling him financially too he is seen picking up fag butts

[Tish29]

google.com/url?sa=t&source=...

Just looked this up as I hadnt a clue what trauma bonding was.

[Inaquandary in reply to Tish29]

it seems to be very common, usually women are the victims though x

[Tish29 in reply to Inaquandary]

Is he unable to confide in his GP?

[Inaquandary in reply to Tish29]

he hasn’t told his gp how bad it is. Has been put on antidepressants and going for counselling x

[Tish29 in reply to Inaquandary]

its good he has you for support

[Inaquandary in reply to Tish29]

hmmm, it is but he doesn’t see it like that - yet x

[Tish29]

its good that he has you for support. Is he not able to join this app?

[Inaquandary in reply to Tish29]

he still hasn’t really admitted he has a problem with his wife. I think he’s waiting for things to improve. They have been together 30 years so I don’t think they will! She is a proper narcissist x

[Tish29]

definitely sounds like it. Hopefully, he will..Good Luck