Hopeless, Lazy, Can't seem to fix the mindset

[LackofPL]

Hi all. I'm new here, first ever post. My name is Louis. I basically have suffered with face, neck and back acne since 17years old. I'm now 24. I've come a long way with trying to not let it get to me (i dont think about it 24/7 anymore. Been thru alot of negativity and verbal bullying. And tried everything tp fix the cystic acne except laser surgery (which i can't afford). And although ive come a long way i guess I find that it still affects my mindset somewhat. I don't know what else to attribute this struggle to but i have to find out why i feel inadequate at challenging times and then get lazy and feel lost... As i find myself unemployed yet again and lacking motivation. It's like i can go to the gym for 2weeks and be content and focus but then i slip off and go into a lazy depressive mode and then eat bad again....I am supposed to go on vacation with family in August but i dont have money and just failed at this job (due to my laziness and lack of motivation. Also i was embarrassed because it was a pizza delivery job and cleaning the store which i did back at 14years old. I was ashamed to be im that situation and it took away any motivation to make money. I was embarrassed to be seen by gopd looking females while biking pizza deliveries.) ...So i dont know how I'll be able to go to the trip but i meed to figure something out and fix my mindset.. I'm simply at a big Fork in the road with myself and my mind. I can't seem to figure out why I'm tired and lazy and feel worthless lately. Even if i get occasional attention from a girl it only creates a Fake confidence in the moment. I still question it like "me, u want to talk to me?" And then i Fail miserably at conversating because I'm not confident and let it all get to my head, so i dont even know what to say and look stupid and awkward in conversation. I try so hard to believe in myself and i do at times But then something comes along and i get intimidated and doubt myself immediately. Then that turns into me feeling like i cant do it and i ask myself wtf am i doing im not gonna make it (in the given situation). Im supposed to tryout for baseball in september for college, yet when i arrived on campus yesterday for the schools placement exam i saw SO many people and just was uncomfortable. I'm intimidated amd uncomfortable around large crowds (on the train most noticeably) due to my insecurities i guess and it just turns into me self-shaming and almost brings me to tears amd makes me a mess mentally. I dont know what to do but i feel like i need therapy to figure this out its just hard to find a good one...Hope someone here can give me some advice and if u read it this far thank you!