cant talk about it

[wendy_mcgawn]

I've battled with low self esteem for years and the feeling of being less than everyone else. I feel like no-one would miss me if I were gone and often want to just walk away from everyone or worse. I have a wonderful life with a great husband and kids and surrounding family. I know I am so lucky for these things but every now and then I seem to get swamped with my self doubt. Because everyone sees the good life we have it is hard for me to talk about the way I feel. When my husband tries I just cry and can't get the words out. he leaves me be as I ask and sure enough after a few days I will be back to normal. I can't keep going like this though or he will give up on me. How do I explain to him or talk to anyone else when i'm so emotional?

[Aitch56]

I suspect everyone would be totally devastated if they knew you felt that low. Are you in the first stages of menopause? Menopause can cause depression. If you find it hard to talk, write your feelings down and show them to your husband, and maybe go and see your doctor. Even if you are not menopausal, you sound depressed and there is lots of help out there.

[wendy_mcgawn in reply to Aitch56]

I was wondering about early menopause but I've always had these feelings of not being worthy. I feel I'm not a good mum or wife or even friend. I'm struggling to be patient with my kids and I know I'm pushing them away especially the little one. He's all for daddy and I get so jealous of my husband at times too. Even when he's being the bad guy it comes across so much better. When my older boy was much younger I could cope better.

I get envious of my friends who are great parents and seem to have more fun whereas I'm always the serious one laying down the law. I can't seem to relax the way they can with their kids.

Everything seems ten times harder at the moment

[wendy_mcgawn]

Thank you for replying. I can't face going to the doctor. Last time I tried years ago it was just a case of "see how you feel in a couple of weeks" Doesn't help the turmoil inside x

[Aitch56]

I think the pressures of life are getting to you. I am no therapist but get yourself some kalms ( I found them really helpful), and a drop of wine to help you relax. When you feel yourself getting mad at the kids, take a deep breath and bite your tongue (not literally) of course. If they are old enough explain to them that mummy doesn't feel too well and would like them to help by being good, stop beating up their brother/sister etc.

[johncraig]

the first thing you have to realize is that people would miss you if you weren't here..i'm sure many people would.

and don't judge yourself by others...i used to judge myself to Brad Pitt but now realize i'm way better than him..lol...joking aside everyone is different and have different ways of coping i bet you'd be surprised about how many of those people you think are so in control and confident actually do have bad days...we all do...concentrate on yourself and your good points and most of all realize how much you're family really love you and when you think of it that's all that really matters....Brad...sorry i mean John.lol

[wendy_mcgawn]

My self esteem thing isn't about the way I look. I feel unnecessary. I honestly am not needed in any way at home except putting the little one out to school. Other that that I am not needed for anything. Husband never relies on anyone and don't think he realises how much it makes me feel useless. I sometimes wish I was a single parent again to gain back a bit of independence and feel like I am needed. Even on a day off together I'm like a third wheel. I feel like they would rather be doing other things without me. My husband always has stuff to do and I'm just in the way. I bury all this stuff regularly but it always pops up again. I tried writing things down to explain but I'm sure he just thinks I overreact to everything. In fact he tells me this. I could list a hundred and one issues I have tried to sort out but my brain shuts down and it's getting harder to pull myself back every time. I think about asking a friend to listen but who wants to know and hear sob stories. They all have their own lives and me blubbing while trying to explain is just not gona be good for them

[loggerslot]

Hi There,

Firstly, I'm not a parent so I can't related or understand towards another parent because I don't have the experience. What I can advise on are how to possibly deal with those thoughts you are building up in your mind.

firstly, don't think with you being gone that no one will miss you. you are a part of everyone's life and made them get to where they are now.

don't judge yourself against others. you won't get anywhere except drag yourself down by trying and trying to get to other's poeple's type of parenting.

put all your thoughts down on paper and decide for yourself what thoughts are worth thinking about and which ones are not. for example, in every family a child will get on more with a particular parent than another so if this is the case in your family is it worth thinking about it? if not, then accept that they just get on.

you seem to have a lot time on your hands but i'm not aware if you have finances to pursue your own interests. I always recommend pursuing a hobby or 2 and occupy your time with that. it will help keep your thoughts at bay that are troubling you and try not to tell everyone about what you are doing and let them come and ask you but at the same time don't expect that they will. just build on your focus and practice keeping on top of it.

you are parent and you play a big part in everyone's lives in your house but i think everyone and that includes me, want some sort of appreciation from someone for our part and we don't get it. it would be nice but it not always the case and i think we have to accept that. play the part that you enjoy most whatever that is. if it's cooking then do that but don't expect anything in return. if they want to appreciate it then let them do it in their own way and try to slowly let go of your expectations. I know it's easier said than done but when you do let go of expectations you will slowly be happier and your mind will feel at ease but please practice it as an ongoing exercise.