Enough

[helpful]

I've thought long and hard about posting this. I'm new to this. I feel weak and self indulgent about it. I've been diagnosed with moderate depression and mild to moderate anxiety but to be honest it's been even worse than I admitted during my assessment. Every day when I wake first thought I have is about dying. Although I am not actively considering anything I do wonder about things like taking a medication overdose or driving into something . The only thing that stops me is the impact it would have on my kids. I used to be quite outgoing and do lots of social things. I don't go out at all and spend most of my time either lying on the bed or worrying about what might happen. I actively avoid people who I used to consider to be friends. They haven't been in touch with me since Christmas so I guess they are not really friends which makes me feel even worse. I've resorted to emotional eating and have put on a stone and half which again doesn't help.

My daughter was attacked last year which has caused her to have an eating disorder and an attempted suicide which is what has precipitated my problems. She seems to be on the road to recovery but I feel totally isolated and alone. I don't want to go out with my husband, it started because I was worried about my daughter but now it's because I'm depressed. I have stopped doing anything and was off work for 5 months to look after my daughter but now I'm back and I hate it. I cannot find any motivation for anything. I can't be bothered cooking , cleaning or shopping. Last time I went to a supermarket was February.

I feel let down by everyone and feel like I've let down my family. I don't want to moan but I don't know how to stop this. I was physically active before and felt great. I feel like I've lost all my friends and am now considered a failure at work. I feel like a failure as a parent as I couldn't protect my daughter and my eldest daughter has been affected by this. I worry about both of them and how they are going to cope with things in the future. I have considered moving out and letting them all have some fun. It's my eldests birthday soon she will be eighteen and she wants a BBQ . I don't feel able to go to it but want her to have fun. We all live together but I'm considering moving out, I want them all to enjoy life and not have me being miserable all the time.

Any suggestions gratefully received. Thanks

[Hidden]

Hi good to meet you and welcome to the site. Why do you feel weak and indulgent? Is it your fault you have depression? No of course not! Would you feel the same way if you had for example diabetes?

This is the depression talking and these thoughts are false so don't listen to them. I know you don't feel like it but you need to start forcing yourself to do some things that you used to. Not all of them but a few as this will really help. Ok you might not enjoy them like you used to but doing them is all important. The worst thing to do is isolate yourself or leave your family. I am sure you family love you and would be devastated if you should leave them or take your life.

When you have negative thoughts interrup them with distractions such as washing up, reading a book, watching telly - anything. The more you concentrate on how you feel the worse you will feel. Depression feeds on itself.

I hope you will soon be getting counselling as this should help. Are you on any meds?

Finally don't assume you know what others are thinking unless you are a mind reader! This is common with depression. The only way to know is to ask them.

[blackcat64013]

Welcome to the forum from me too.

Lilcalil is spot on about options that can help, some counseling and or medication. You do not have to be a martyr to yourself or your family by not using some help.

One tip from me to get moving is to do the 5 minute activity test. You try to do the one thing that makes the smallest difference for 5 minutes e.g. washing dishes or preparing a snack. Usually, you end up doing more than you planned and feeling better too :-).

[NogsViking]

Really sorry to hear about your problems. This is my first post here too. I'm in my fifties with a family, including an 18-year-old also. I got hit with depressive symptoms for the very first time this year and it totally knocked me over, and left me with a complete disinterest in life ahead, despite having a loving family around me. There are lots of experienced and sympathetic people on this forum with some great advice so not sure what I can add. But I did not want to take medication if I could avoid it (although I did discuss what I was feeling with my GP), and so I launched a strategy to try and get through - nothing dramatic, but it included the following, some of which you may like to consider:

- seeing a therapist. The work is on-going and has a long way to go I think, but it's good to have someone to talk to and I'm discovering things about my past that are relevant to how I am feeling now. Don't shut yourself away; you need people around you more than ever.

- getting sunshine, and being outdoors as much as possible, even if just to do routine things like light gardening or walking to shops instead of driving.

- make sure you eat, even if you totally don't feel like it. And eat as healthily as possible. I'm eating a lot more salad than I ever did before.

- take some vitamins; I have also tried some of the non-pharmaceutical 'herbal' treatments one can find in your local health food store - the people in the store will help you.

But the two things I would really recommend to you are:

- get to a gym and do some proper hard exercise. If you can afford a trainer for a few sessions even better. Push it a bit so you workup a sweat for at least half an hour. The harder you can work the better. It can make you feel really different. My depression happened in the wake of a number of major life events, but the specific trigger was being rejected and dumped by the love of my life. Amongst other things, I lost self-respect and a sense of self-worth, and exercise is helping me recover some of that.

- contact those friends. This has been a revelation to me. When I fell off the cliff (this is how depression hitting me felt like) I was not sure who I could confide in. Especially as it's a bit of a no-no in high-pressure professional environments to admit to how one is feeling. With the encouragement of my therapist I took a risk and opened up to a couple of longstanding friends (one or two of whom I had not seen for over a year). I was really nervous about how they would react, and as a male professional I'm used to not letting my feelings show. But they were wonderful, and reacted in a really supportive and loving way. One of them even told me they had had depression too in the past and them telling me about their experience was really helpful. I realized they were true friends and I really did not know it or appreciate it before. Take a risk and contact your friends, and be as open with them as you can, even if it feels scary. You may be surprised.

I know you don't feel like you can do or want to do anything significant. But try and force yourself. If it doesn't work for you you can always stop and try something else.

I'm a long way from being fine, and I have dark days, but I have hope that I am through the worst now.

I wish you the very best, and lots of love for your next few days and beyond.

[helpful]

Thank you. In my heart I know that I need to do something to get out of this depression. I am not on medication. I've been offered a place on the depression recovery course starting in a couple of weeks. Each morning when I wake up I try to be positive and I think that I will go out for a walk but I'm just too tired. I am trying to be positive with my family but they don't know how I feel. My husband works away a lot and everything is down to me. I have managed to get back to work this week and nobody there suspects there is anything wrong. They all say they are glad to see me back and I guess they are but the depression is making me think it's just lip service. I am aware that I need to try to shift my mindset in order to feel better as it's a self perpetuating cycle of negativity. I have been invited to a get together at the weekend and part of me wants to go but a bigger part doesn't . I'm not sure whether I can force myself. A day at a time I guess.