I dont want to go on anymore, ive had enough.

[poppet36]

I dont want to be here anymore, i dont want to live. My soul is broken and ive been like it since childhood. I dont know what else to try that i havent already. I just want out.

[harv_singh]

I feel the same way, but we made it this far, all of us. It takes a lot of strength just to make it through the day and I know how soul destroying it can be. You helped me so much when you replied to my post a while back, you gave me hope, you made it so I was able to sleep a little better at night. I hope I can do the same for you, please believe me that I and everyone else here believe in you. We are strong and if anyone can make it through this, we can. Take care of yourself

[poppet36 in reply to harv_singh]

Thank you x

[mysmugcat in reply to harv_singh]

Lovely reply

[chrisb63]

Poppet36, I don't post here often but do follow what is going on. Your post struck me in that it hit home.

A short while ago I had recurring thoughts of not wanting to live and suicide, and they kept coming back and back. I have depression in episodes that last 7 to 9 months and then things go normalish for a couple of years before another episode hits.

I also thought I'd tried everything until something came along and the reason I'm still here.

Life is too short anyway so hold fast to this gift while you can.

[poppet36 in reply to chrisb63]

What helped you?

[chrisb63 in reply to poppet36]

What helped me Poppet? Well mostly the natural things in life. Like sunbathing being careful not to burn. (Vitamin D is good for the nerves and the Brain); high doses of Vitamin C; avoiding added sugar and anything that has sugar in it such as chocolate, although sugar in fruits is fine; getting over insomnia...I can now sleep 6 hours a night; and may others.

I am not yet over my current depressive episode but I no longer have suicidal thoughts and am glad I am alive.

[poppet36 in reply to chrisb63]

Im happy for you. I know things wont change for me. Im going to the doctors tuesday and im going to ask to be admitted to a mental health ward. I just cant live like this any longer.

[Delorous in reply to poppet36]

I hope you did not ask the doc to have you admitted to a "psych unit". Are you able to respond?

[Philbert2]

Keep strong poppet. This morning I woke up feeling so down that I didn't even want to get out of bed. Why, well I'm recently separated from my wife.

But I got up. Because we have to. Life is hard. But it is also unexpected. I put all my effort in having time with my kids today. Something I normallly find hard due to my depression. I did it, and I felt happier when I could see the kids were happy.

What I'm trying to say is I take each day. I don't look to far forward. Nor do I dwell on the pass. I try to live the moment. I have had depression a long time now. I know, never mind how low I get. And the dark thoughts that come with it. I know it will pass. It will for you. The thing I'm finding that helps is meditation. Don't knock it until you try. I find that if I only rest my mind just for 10 minutes with out negative thoughts surging through. It's a tonic. It helps. There are local clubs. Google and see. Just remember you are not alone.

[P3t3rbu1]

I keep reading every body's post and it's good to know how people feel and if this is a good thing and helps you great but I can't get to the point of being able to live my life without someone telling me it's worth living I just feel so empty and that I'm existing not living what is the difference between living o I know that I'm so fortunate I really do have it all but still feel worthless I need an end without hurting anyone 🎻

[Mumof347 in reply to P3t3rbu1]

P3t3rbu1

Welcome here to a great group of people we are basically very much alike. You say you have it all, can you share with us what you feel, having it all etc is it supposed to make us happy? Ideally yes absolutely but It doesn't matter what we have in our lives we still suffer that demon in our heads, unless we have any solid support, self motivation it remains . You are not worthless you are a very strong person for coming here to talk and share. Do you feel connection to the people around you? Do you talk to anyone and share how you feel day to day, share your story and see if I can help you xx

[P3t3rbu1 in reply to Mumof347]

It's relentless it's not going to stop I so appreciate your words and support I need the point where you are free

[poppet36 in reply to P3t3rbu1]

I understand what your saying....i just want to be free. If theres a god he will take me in my sleep.

[Sarah1111111 in reply to poppet36]

Only it never happens does it

[poppet36 in reply to P3t3rbu1]

I understand you i really do

[mysmugcat]

Yep I get it. I try and help others. In my work, here etc. I lost my partner almost seven weeks ago to cancer.

[poppet36 in reply to mysmugcat]

So sorry for your loss mysmugcat x

[chrisb63 in reply to mysmugcat]

I'm very very sorry for your loss mysmugcat. How are you coping?

[aaustinintexas]

oh sweetie what has happened that you see no other reason to go on.I pray you didn't mean you are trying to end your life by your own hand I want to tell u something I know how u feel but if I feel like this here and u feel like it there and I care that u hurt and actually afraid for u and u care enough to reach out the this is a reason to go on today.I care what happens to u here is a little thing of beauty or even a gift just 4 u🌹🦋🐾🐾🎁

[poppet36]

Thank you aaustinintexas. Ive felt myself go down hill the last few months and now all i do is cry. Ive always been a bit of a loner but never felt this bad before, never this isolated. I have no future. Im 36 and have nothing and no one. I really do just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

[sadempty in reply to poppet36]

how are you doing?

[poppet36 in reply to sadempty]

Pretty much the same to be honest....how are you?

[sadempty in reply to sadempty]

every day a sad one

[sadempty]

I relate to your saying you have no one. It's a sad thing. I'll tell you this - volunteer work helps. Work with kids, with the elderly. They'll love you and need you.

I know I should do it much more often.

[Almost-]

Nononooo don't even think about doing this anymore. I've been in the same page and i still find myself going back to it but i try to stay positive i go for a run or paint. I don't know what you are going through but it will pass it may take months or years but soon you'll be healed and everything is gonna be okay . There's more to life than what you think, I mean there's more love for you, places you ve never been to and new people you'll meet. Just don't look the bad in a thing or stituation Try Find something good on everything by starting now. English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes. Take care of yourself first, then others. Love xx

[Ashlyxo]

Look at how many strangers have reached out to you! STRANGERS! you have so many people supporting you. If we, as strangers care about you, you should care about yourself. Reach out to a therapist or close friend. You CAN do this. It starts with you..

[wiz145]

What have you tried??

[Trammell]

Hi everyone this is my first time here. I'm very sad about my life and my love life... I just feel like there's no one who could really really love me and everyday that feeling hurts me more and more... I just don't know how to look forward to being alone and happy...

[HUanon]

How r u doing now poppet36?

[Danuck]

oh man am i with you, sick of this fucking shithole to world, I WANNA BLOW UP LIKE A NUKE, please, when everyone starts to think they understand you, you hear nothing but shit coming out, fuck

[Leah8414]

I feel depression is a strenghth it's an every day battle to always find strength to make it threw another day . It may seem like we don't fit in but we do and it will come to us one day as to why we are here . And I believe your spirit is very much a live because it's still reaching out by being on here because it knows there is still hope . . Write things down that you like about yourself and even the things you don't like and little by little change those things you don't .. the world is moving to fast and there is alot of things we don't have to be a part of in life but we should always try to find ways to be apart of our spirit . . It's a healing process and it's with in you and all of us . And remember this you are good enough . . And you are strong because you are in touch with your spirit . Take care .