Depression in denial... until too late.

[Ronnieroo]

It's taking me time after time to try and write this. But hear goes.

I'm 37, divorced of 2 months and separated of 10 months. Was married for 6 years and now looking back I think I was on a downward spiral of depression for a few years and probably the cause of the divorce.

So, saw doctor and on tablets which I think works as I have good and bad days.

But saying that I've started to become recluse and not want to see anyone no motivation and just want to stay in bed (apart from work) I'm very content in my own little world not seeing anyone and not seen friends or family for a long time.

Apologies for being a long read but never spoke about this before.

[Deniese67]

Hi Ronnieroo! I can relate to you back in 2011 the worst year of my life, I had been with my husband since I was 17 yrs. Old. I believe my depression was always there also. Anyways we bought a house together and we had 2 boys. The husband was a long haul trucker and I was home being a home maker. When I decided to go to school for criminal justice that's when things went bad for me. The husband was acting weird, leaving in the middle of the night on foot not to return ok until 9:00 am. So to make a long story short he threatened me that I did not know what was coming to me, well I sure did not. He got a ppo delivered to me to leave the house! When i did not leave I came home one day to be locked out, when I was pounding on the door 2 state trooper cars arrived, handcuffed me which I never wore before, I could hear my 7 year old inside crying...... put me on the back of the car and took me to the barrics where they cuffed my feet and chained me to the bench and started yelling at me. I had to call my parents crying to come get me and to go to my house to get my car out of the driveway. I was automatically banned from seeing my little boy for 3 months, then thereafter. I was a mess, he made more trouble from there and moved in his young girlfriend, he won in court every time by lying. My youngest son is 13 now I missed him growing up from 7 yrs old. I am flying him in this month to visit me. I hope all goes well his father is beyond words!! This nightmare did not help my depression at all, I will always be haunted by this, to this day when I see a little boy with blonde hair and glasses in the store and hear him say "mama" I still look, for a while I dreamed I was sitting on the porch with him talking.

[Hidden]

Hi nice to meet you. If you are happy living the way you do then I don't see there is a problem? If you weren't happy with it then that's a different story. Not all of us want to be sociable or meet others and there is nothing wrong with that.

[Hidden]

Hello Ronnieroo, sounds like you are entitled to some time alone after the breakdown of your marriage. Please try not to apportion blame for your divorce although I accept this may be difficult. Be proud that you have been to your Doctor and asked for help and are managing to hold down your job too. Depression can cause a lack of motivation so please try to be kind to yourself and allow your body/mind time to recover. If you feel that being a recluse is becoming a 'problem' for you, are you able to begin to reach out to family and friends in some way? Is there a work colleague that you may be able to meet up with, perhaps for a coffee, away from work? Well done for taking the positive step contacting this community, take care and give yourself space and time.

[Kobojunkie]

Does having good days and bad days mean you still experience depression? If yes, you should go back to your doctor, tell him about it and be certain that he does something to change that for you.

The way I see it is, it does not make sense to say you are on meds when they don't even do enough to improve your quality of life. Your becoming a recluse might be as a result of your still being depressed. At least make sure the medications are updated so you have no depression issues, and your lack of motivation and interest issue is also taken care of.

If even after all that, you want to remain a recluse, that is good. Just better to be a happy recluse, than a depressed one!

[Hidden in reply to Kobojunkie]

While you may mean no harm in your responses they seem a little one sided. Medication is not a cure all by no means. They are to assist in the management of symptoms only. Not a cute all. Therapy also is an intregret part in the healing process. All the best-

[Kobojunkie in reply to Hidden]

I don't always suggest medication. I do however believe that by seeing a psychiatrist, people will be better informed of what it is they are dealing with and why. If a medication treatment plan is suggested fine. If medication and therapy, fine too. If therapy only, that is fine too. Just that I don't believe people should be out there suffering needlessly.

And if you read some of my other posts you will see that I do suggest self-therapy and maybe eventually a follow-up with a psychiatrist.

I never needed a therapist in my case so I don't know what a therapist can really do for a patient. And many-a-times, I believe some leave responsibility for their well-being entirely in the hands of medication which is ludicrous. Hence the reason why I do advise many to engage in self-therapy.

I am currently seeing a therapist now, however, so I can maybe gain insight into what exactly a therapist can do for patients. Saw her last week for the third session, yet it has all been me answering questions about my childhood and so on. Not much in terms of contribution from the therapist. So you can understand why I am still hesitant to recommend a therapist to anyone.

[Ronnieroo]

Thank you guys. Really has helped. Will go back to docs.

[welly10]

First don't blame yourself for your depression it is usually outside things that effect you.ie job hours.sleep patterns emotions Ie arguments with partner anything and if these problems persist and are not treated then one day just one more ingredient to the mix pushes you to far.these are triggers which effect you and will always effect you it's how you deal with them now.dont just stay in bed make an effort to see family and friends because these are the people that will help you I know it's hard I've been there and I am still managing myself.i was on cit for 2 years it helped me and then one day when I thought I was strong and more confident again I decided to wean off them.keep eating and drinking lots of water exercise and be in contact with people.talking is good don't be afraid 1 in 4 people are effected by depression.good luck for the future little steps at first I know you can do it but get family support.

[Hidden]

Hi there. Divorce is one of the top 5 hardest adjustments that you will encounter in your life. While medication can assist with symptoms, the right therapist can help you with coping strategies and as well working through this difficult time. Medication can only help so much but talking with someone is ultimately what will bring about change. It's hard and taking that step to call is even harder but well worth it. Also find someone that you have good rapport with. Don't settle! You will have your days but you got this! Wishing you all the best and know that it takes time. ❤️