I have finally worked out that I don't have a purpose anymore. I don't work much (4 days so far this year, 16 days in 2016), Few friends and they live 100 miles away, No family, money in the bank (people keep dieing and giving me more), I don't do any of the things I used to, a few chronic pain problems that limit what I can do. 53 and no further function.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just resigned to insignificance.
I've felt like you in the past as I have had sever depression issues, but have found a reason to go on-I've taken up writing. I'm learning all I can about how to do it well, and trying to produce a novel before I pass away, to leave something tangible behind me. If writing's not for you, is there something else you could work on learning to produce? Art? Woodwork? A garden? Or, you might find a new purpose through volunteering work- Age Concern need "befrienders" for lonely old souls- all it takes is a couple of hours a week, chatting one to one, phoing a lonely person, or even writing letters regularly. Another great and much needed volunteer area to find a purpose through is volunteering with an Animal Charity, dog walking, cleaning and caring for animals who've been abandoned- or even just fundraising to support the places they live in. I'm sure you'll find something you can do to give your life more purpose, and you'll make new contacts and friends as you do it. No one is insignificant. We can always make a difference, however slight, to someone or to some other creature's health and wellbeing and/or make them feel happier.
I know the feeling but it's the depression. Might sound daft but do you have a pet? I must look after my cat.
How do you know you've reached your best before date? Are you a pudding? You might be a cheese and you aren't even ripe yet. You've probably got 20 or 30 years ahead of you and you can do a lot in that amount of time. If your friends are 100 miles away, move, adopt a shelter dog,there are so many people who need human contact. I know it sounds simplistic but helping others will help you. You are not alone ,as long as you have access to this site you have people who care. I count on that more than anyone knows. It is quite literally my life line. Now my dear cheese, how about finding a fine wine to go with? Pam
I agree with lyuba . I lost my last job through illness and struggled to find a meaning in my life, to feel useful and to have a purpose. I used to take my disabled sister's dog out walking and loved it.
For the past 18 months I have been volunteering my services in a charity shop and love it. Ok I would love to be paid but at least I feel useful now and much better about myself. I have also made some new friends.
No one is going to come knocking on your door, you have to go out and find people in whatever way makes you happy.
Sorry you feel like this darkplace . I feel the same (insignificance ). How about a hobby , a pet or volunteering to give you a purpose . You are not insignificant .
All perfectly reasonable thoughts but I have considered these options. I am not a people person, I have a short fuse and a low tolerance for incompetence. That's part of the reason I am self employed, no boss to answer to! and now I don't need to work I don't have to deal with any clients I don't want to either. I have a dog (and yes he is a rescue). I have had to stop my hobbies, I used to teach diving, sailing, climbing, motorcycling. I know my strengths and weaknesses, I don't do things I'm not good at but what I do, I do exceptionally well. Most people would think I'm arrogant but I know I am very talented at my profession and I also know I am utterly hopeless at a lot of other things.
But none of it adds up to anything worthwhile.
I wouldn't call you arrogant. Inflexible maybe, things that don't bend often break. These are all learned behaviors aren't they? If you wanted to you could probably change them, but the key is wanting to.What would you like your life to be like? what do you consider significant ?I don't think I've ever done anything significant with my life except for my children. Most of things I do, I do well. Trying to be significant is daunting to me. It makes me afraid to try.I would like what I'm writing to you to be worthwhile, but I don't think it will be. Pam
Finally a surgery date
I don't want my depression to go away
I don't speak to my youngest sister any more
non consensual, drunk sex and his consequences on my mind
