Hi Everyone , I am sorry if I am intruding on your area.
I am struggling at the moment with a partner that suffers depression , I struggle to cope and find mechanisms to help him.
I take everything so personally , he depression makes me aggressive and short tempered no patience with anything.
He has episodes of this every few months and I have coped with them very well ( to my knowledge) now I am struggling when he is so closed off and doesn't want to talk to me about it and i feel i walk on egg shells around him.
Any advice would be greatly welcomed.
Thank you x
Written by
DiamondHeart
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Thank you for that , he has medication but hes not the best at keeping up with it he will run out and times and then its weeks before he goes back to the doctors to get any. It usually takes me getting upset or something bad happening to push him to the doctors which now he says he his going to do and request maybe stronger tablets.
Last time he saw the doctor they suggested counselling but he has been before and claims it didn't work. I don't no the route of the problem or the trigger.
Myself and our children are on the receiving end of it all and its starting to take its toll. I don't want to push him to anything , I am giving him the space I think he needs i am just so confused he doesn't talk to me about it at all so I have to guess what he needs , then he just screams ' you think you know everything'.
For now i think i need to step back and let him manage himself but its so hard when all i want to do is help.
It's very tough on you and your family when your husband had retreated into himself but this often happens with depression.
You could suggest you accompany him to the doctors. He really needs to be taking any medication on a regular basis otherwise nothing will work. There are other therapies out there including CBT which you could suggest.
There are several very helpful resources on this link, have a read through those you feel are applicable and you could show them to your husband too.
It's not good he runs out of his meds as they have an accumulative effect if taken continuously. Why not ask your local pharmacist to take over the reordering of his meds? Mine does this and I just go in when I need to order more and it's ready a few days later. You could organise this for him to ensure he doesn't run out.
Have you tried having a quiet chat with him about how this is affecting you and the children? Tell him it is damaging your marriage and you are at your wits end to know how to help him. Not all counselling is the same and if one type doesn't suit him (or one counsellor) he needs to keep trying. Can he afford to go private?
Hello Diamondheart , what you ask is difficult. You could try explaining to him that just like every one else who does n't suffer from depression that its hard or impossible to understand what he's going through (which is true,that always helps ) and could he talk you through what its like to help you understand so that you will be more help to him. Talking it through with someone close almost always helps but some are reluctant to share this. Maybe because its a burden they don't want to load others with. Perhaps you could tell him you'd like to help by sharing some of the burden.
What ever you do you must realise its an illness just as real as cancer or flu and he can't help it. Being aggressive , short tempered or impatience is bad for him , bad for you , and bad for your relationship so you must make every effort to control and avoid this, especially if he agrees to share what he is going through.
Depression is difficult not just for the sufferer but also for their partners and you must show as much love and support to him in circumstances which will be wearing on you. Also if he has n't done so encourage him to seek help from his GP. Finding mechanisms to help is difficult even for the experts but a GP can usually provide what help is possible.
Hi Diamondheart, i read your post with much interest but at the same time i really really feel for you.
My 'friend' has very similar problems with depression as your husband. what i wanted to ask, if i may of course, is you said he has episodes of depression every few months. the last four months or so my friend seems to be having one of these episodes which was triggered off during the xmas period. before then he was wonderful to be with, we were very happy. do you think or does anyone think maybe he has this same episode pattern in his life??? Meaning he goes a few months ok, then something will trigger him off and then its a few months suffering with the depression until something brings him out of it?
what brings them out of their depression episode? i've been pushed away these last few months and he refuses to see me because he can't cope with the anxiety, fear, he's scared, frightened to get close to anyone. i've tried everything i can think of to help him. this period he's having his space and time to get better but it really does hurt me because i love him so much and miss 'his real self'.
i truly hope things are a bit better today with you all. xx
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