Hi !! I'm new and needing some advice on possible bipolar??

I am 50 and suffered with depression since I was in my early teens . I have had severe depression numerous times throughout my life , brought on by personal issues etc . I have had endless jobs because I find working full time and trying to deal with a bout of depression very difficult . I go off sick for months at a time and during this time I look for other work . I'm struggling at the moment with depression and beginning to wonder if I actually have bipolar!! I have very high days which leave me feeling very manic and then very low days and have had suicidal thoughts recently . I'm so fed up with the endless ups and downs that I go through and now at the age of fifty just wish it would all stop . I hate feeling this way and think what the hell is wrong with me as I got married this year , and should be feeling on top of the world , but instead I'm a mess struggling to deal with constant tiredness , suicidal thoughts , whilst trying to hold down a new job . My body is worn out with the constant ups and downs . I have for a long time been diagnosed with depression, but nobody has ever mentioned bipolar, is there anybody out there that could give me some light at the end of the tunnel , because I'm really struggling with it all at the moment . Many thanks for reading this .

17 Replies

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  • Hello

    Not an expert on bipolar but...I have a few questions...I think there's definitely lots of light! :)

    If you've been diagnosed with depression before, have you had any help or treatment, and who else knows this is how you're feeling? Sometimes it seems it's a case of speaking to the right person and your GP might be a good first point of contact?

    Does your husband/wife know how you're feeling?

    It does sound exhausting but also like you're self-aware and wanting to change which are really positive.

    Please don't be hard on yourself - you've mentioned marriage and new job which are fairly major events in anyone's life.

    Will you be getting a rest sometime soon? Sorry if it sounds silly but sometimes it's really about spinning too many plates and doing too much.

    Sending smiles x

  • Many thanks for your reply , I am waiting to see my GP , as I cannot continue with what's happening at the moment . I have had counselling previously and changed my medication , but I feel as if none of it is working !! I'm so fed up with feeling sad . Yes I am off over the Xmas period , it doesn't help that I have a broken big toe at the moment , so I struggling at work , I just feel as if I want to jump down a hole and never come out . I'm tired , irritable and feel so alone with all my crazy thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore . My husband does know about my depression and try's to help , but doesn't understand it , nor knows the signs , his words as I'm writing this . I keep a lot to myself and try to deal with it on my own , I know that's not the way forward . I must know that I cannot keep doing this . : (

  • No worries it's why the forum's here :)

    I've felt quite different knowing I'm not alone and I hope it is a comfort a bit to you. It's grim feeling so sad and you've every right to express that. Things change, life changes so meds or treatment may need to change too - it's good you'll get to see your GP.

    Broken toe is surely reason enough to do less! And please don't go near any holes :)... hopefully by writing or saying these thoughts out loud it'll release the pressure of them going round and round. It's ok to rest and lie low for a bit and be tired and irritable - they're very human emotions. If your husband's able to perhaps you can do a few more of your favourite things and he can accompany you to these or the GP perhaps?

    Don't feel bad for keeping things to yourself - it's instinctive to hide pain and try not to share it or protect others. Go gently and if there are people that could be there, to listen to share with, they might surprise you.

    Have a look at other posts here for ideas on how to get through times like this - sometimes it's good to see what things help others through. Sometimes having a cuppa with a friend or watching a film? Allow yourself to feel how you're feeling.

    X

  • Thank you for your message , it means a lot that there are people out there willing to help others during a difficult stage . Need to have a good chat with my GP and go from there . Merry Christmas and thank you

  • Hello. I'm wondering if you've ever seen a psychiatrist? I ask because they're the experts regarding diagnosis and treatment. GP's IMHO aren't fully trained in mental health concerns.

    I would advise a referral to a psychiatrist, a psychologist AND a change in lifestyle habits. I say this because drugs alone are not the way to go. It takes an holistic approach with personal work and commitment.

    Best wishes.

  • Hi many thanks for your reply, no I have never seen a Psychiatrist , I have only ever seen counsellors that help me to deal with personal issues that affect my mood . Doctors have always either given me tablets and suggested counselling or both , but I have seen so many counsellors now over the years , but it does not stop the depression creeping back in and each time it does now it hits me harder and harder and I'm struggling with my every day life . It's getting to a point where I don't want to live anymore , it's so hard to put on a brace face every day , drag myself out of bed and face the world . I have done it for so many years now , juggling my life around it that I want some peace .

  • I understand and am sorry about your suffering. Request to be referred to a psychiatrist and tell him/her what you've told us. You'll be asked about what other meds you've tried and for how long. Just be aware that this is not an overnight fix. It may take trial and error but I'm here to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel so chin up k?

    Cheers 🌲

  • Thank you I will do that when I see the doctor . Thank you for your kindness and wish you a Merry Christmas

  • You're very welcome! ☺ Merry Christmas to you and yours 🌲🎅☺

  • Hi Queenrich3 I would suggest go see your GP and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist as GPs are unable to diagnose mental illness as such

  • Hi

    I wasn't diagnosed with bipolar 2 until my early 50s. I was treated for depression for many years , including numerous hospital stays and psychiatric input. Like you bipolar was never mentioned. I read about bipolar 2 when my my son mentioned it.

    It was a perfect description of me!!!!

    I told my Doc I wanted to explore further. I was met with some resistance and told there had never been any evidence of this (by the psychiatrist I described myself to as all or nothing, no half measures, self destructive, reckless )

    I persisted despite the above and spent time with a lovely and supportive psychiatrist who subsequently diagnosed bp2. I know I've gone on about myself but I hope my experience can be helpful?

    Ally

  • Many thanks for your message , what is bipolar 2?

    I am seeing the Doctor on Friday and will ask to see a psychiatrist as I cannot continue on the path that I have been on for so many years . I am so very tired of trying to deal with my on going depression , tablets help for a short period but then trying to cope with every day life , job etc makes me so very tired and then the depression creeps back in , it's a vicious circle . Any help or telling me about your bipolar would be great .

    Thank you

  • Hello, bipolar 2 is where depression is more of a feature than mania.

    I have avoided asking for a diagnosis myself, it is a double edged sword, the standard med doses for bipolar are quite high, but if someone is bipolar the standard antidepressants can trigger mania (including agitated depression.

    There is the additional issue of stigma about a major psychological health condition, which you must inform the DVLA about,,, on the other hand, if you are diagnosed and receive treatment you will be covered by the disability discrimination act.

    Check out the bipolar UK forum, it is an active forum, with lots of practical advice and experience from the members.

  • Many thanks for your reply , it has clarified some things for me . What happens when you are covered by disability discrimination act ?

    Thanks once again

  • The disability discrimination act (DDA)...means that if you have something such as a health condition that affects (disables) you this cannot be used to disadvantage (discriminate against) you and you have protection under the law because of it. In everything - in jobs, accessing services - you name it.

    So if you are finding it difficult to continue working and it can be shown that by providing appropriate support (a different desk, computer software, flexible hours, equipment etc) you could continue to do your job well then there's an obligation to provide these accommodations. So a reasonable thing to request may be to move hours about so you can get to medical appointments more easily whilst still completing your required hours or tasks.

    Using any law can be tricky but the more people that use it the better and by highlighting it and your rights it can help you access the sometimes relatively minor support that makes a huge difference in lessening the impact the disability has on you.

    There's good stuff on gov.uk and other sites on how it can be used to open discussions with organisations

    :-)

  • Many thanks for your reply , I had heard of it but never understood what it meant , I am seeing the Doctor tomorrow and am ready to discuss all my options , I need to get this sorted once and for all , I cannot carry on as I have been any longer . I actually spoke to my husband today about how this has been the best year of my life but also the most that I had thought about ending my life !! I'm just so tired , I have little fight left in me .

  • Good luck and hope it goes well. Well done for talking to him about it :-) and it's great that you can see how good it's been. You've got through the past week - feel proud of that.

    X

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