Angry and irritable

[Em89]

The last few days I've had a numberof angry outbursts towards my husband and have gotten quite nasty towards him. One minute I love him to bits and the next I really hate him and find everything he does infuriating.

We're in the process of moving house at the moment so a stressful time but no excuse for my behaviour, I just get to a point where I really want to hurt his feelings.

I feel he doesn't help out around the house and is always playing his video games or on his phone. I sometimes feel invisible and not listened to even when it comes to little things, he'll tickle my feet and I'll tell him no but he won't stop until I shout at him. I feel like a terrible person.

[Clazzy78]

Hello.

Don't be sorry for getting angry. You obviously feel he should help you more, and I can't blame you for getting angry at him if he doesn't help.

Is there a reason he doesn't help out around the house?

Moving is stressful and working as a team is essential. You need his help.

Don't beat your yourself up about it. I'd feel the same I'm sure. And I would explode!!

Best wishes 💗

[Em89 in reply to Clazzy78]

Thankyou, it's nice to hear that I'm not a complete a*** haha. He always has an answer for everything so there'll be a reason or it'll be my fault for even bringing it up and making him feel bad. I get to a point where I do a lot myself as it's easier than nagging him. But then the fury and hatred for him sets in and I realise I've done this to myself!

[Hidden in reply to Em89]

Hi I am not surprised you are angry if he is leaving everything to you, anyone would be.

It's a vicious circle, the more you shout the more he doesn't listen so the more you get angry. You have to start breaking that cycle. Sit down and have a long talk with him and explain calmly why you are angry and what you expect him to do about it. Have a think about what needs doing and give him a list of the things you expect him to do. If he doesn't do it then leave it undone. I know it's much easier to give in for the sake of peace than not to but this doesn't work in the long term does it? If he won't for example cook then just cook for yourself or get yourself a takeaway.

You can always tell him you are on sex strike until he starts pulling his weight, but you have to mean it and not give in until he does.

It is NOT your fault you are angry it is his so don't let him wind you up like this and make you feel bad.

[Claire-Kelly]

Maybe sometimes it's hard to separate what's causing certain things to annoy you. Are they all due to you being irritable or your partners wrongdoing. I felt like I blame other people annoying me as my irritability when some of it is actually their own doings. You need to figure out what is you being irritable and what can your partner change to make you happier.

[sweetiepye]

Hello, Your story sounds so familiar I can feel myself getting mad at my husband.lol. I am wondering about a few things ... are you well? even being slightly sick can make a person very irritable . Have either of you changed your behavior recently?Having said that and letting you know this is only my opinion I'll tell you how it looks to me. He isn't living up to your expectations. You sound like the take charge partner and he doesn't seem interested. Somehow I think you are frustrated because you need his cooperation and he's keeping you from achieving your goals. You are not a terrible person by the way. He may not get how angry you are. Maybe you could sit down and divide the chores. I wouldn't tell or remind him of when he needs to do his. You don't want to Mother him.I wouldn't use sex as a prize for being good. I would be slightly chilly, let him know he's letting you down and ignore him until he gets with the program. My husband chose to clean the bathrooms and all floors in the house weekly. I couldn't argue with that.Now we're at the point where we trade off it doesn't seem so important any more. If you love him , tell him. Pam