My only child, a son, was a school refuser from age 10 and schooled at home sporadically but no qualifications. He plays computer games all day in his bedroom, insists meals are left outside his bedroom door, uses toilet, allows bedding and clothes to be washed once a month when he has monthly bath, chops off long hair and beard. Never washes otherwise - not even his teeth. He has not been downstairs for 6 years, so never goes out and takes no exercise. No friends except acquaintance with fellow gamers. He refuses to engage/converse with doctors, mental health professionals etc. and also bearly says a word to me or his father in house, certainly no thankyous, appreciation or affection.
His Dad and I have tried to reason with him but any confrontation fruitless and leaves us very unhappy. Our attempts to encourage him out of his room by rewards of new games, treat food, money or anything really have not been successful.
In desperation we have pursued other tactics, but never violence or forcing.
His response to electricity being turned off, desk top computer breaking down, meals not being his favourite or enough food or any disruption to gaming is to throw furniture around breaking wall plaster. He is grossly obese, taller and twice the weight of my husband and myself. He has agressively pushed past me on landing in the past so I've learnt to make way for him. We are reluctant to make changes since currently he seems to be content to quietly get on with his lifestyle while we concentrate on ours. We are both out of the house at work all day and effectively our son is totally ignored except for meeting his needs as detailed above. We have friends/family round regularly, socialise out of the house at weekends/evenings, go on several weeks holiday frequently, always leaving adequate food on landing and returning to pile of washing-up and food wrappers. He never answers front door or telephone.
We love him and hate to make him angry or sad. Any instruction or care home except a top hotel would impact badly on what he has become accustomed to. This set up is set to continue until we die and he inherits our house, with enough money to employ a carer/servant. We cope with the emotional anguish we experience at the bleak wretchedness of his life merely because we are caught in this trap out of which we can see no escape. He is not capable of looking after himself and we fear he would become derelict and homeless if he was asked to leave.
Should I just accept that we can do nothing and try to make the best of it? On the bright side, he has never taken drugs or harmed anyone.