I need HELP.....

[k1976l]

I am kevin I am 40 and I am in a lot of stress ! I am so low on life as every turn has just kicked me down. I have no job, no money, I am about 3 week from losing my home, I am back on the drugs again, I am so depressed frightened I don't know what I am doing. My life has no been good I have not been the beat SON/ BROTHER. I do not deserve my family, some times even now as I write this I wish I was dead. ???. What can I do ? PLEASE someone HELP ME !!!!

[Fi68]

Hello Kevin, first let me say that I am really sorry that you are going through such a hard time and that you are facing such struggles. I don't know if you are in the UK, but the first thing I would advise you to do is go to your GP. Write down everything that is going on for you, beforehand, and take it with you. Get an appointment a.s.a.p, even an emergency one. Then when you are with the doctor, go through the list, take your time and make sure you cover every point. If you really find it to hard to tell the doctor, give them the list and let them ask questions. It maybe all the problems that are causing you to be depressed, it maybe the depression causing all the problems, or it maybe a bit of both. Whatever it is you need to see a doctor now.

One of the things that happens when we are depressed is that all we end up thinking about is how awful we have been, who we hurt and all our mistakes. That is NOT you. Yes the things you have done are part of you, but there will be good things that you have done and good things in your life, you just can't remember or feel them at the moment. That is because you are ill with depression, and just as if you were poorly with a physical illness you need to rest and recover, look after yourself and be kind to yourself.

OK the drugs, you know that taking them isn't good for you, it puts you at risk, but I really do understand that life can appear and be so unbearable that it is the only way you can think of to get some relief. The drugs and the rubbish they are mixed with only mess your head up even more and make it difficult for you to make reasoned decisions. This is another reason you need to go and see your doctor, they should be able to help you with treatment, or refer you to a local drug project, who will be able to offer you treatment and support.

Now onto your housing problem. Three weeks is not a lot of time to try and get the problem sorted, but there are organisations out there to help. If you are in the UK you could try the CAB, or contact your local council housing department. You don't say why you are going to become homeless, but again tell your doctor and perhaps they can advise you.

You are at a very low point at the moment, it will not be like this forever. Try to hangon to the fact that things can and do change. However you have to kick start that change by getting to see a doctor. Now I might not have been clear but it is really important that you see a doctor a.s.a.p. 🙂.

Other people will post here for you as this is a really friendly forum. Keep in touch and know that all the people here are rooting for you. Take care.

Fi.

[Worried111]

Do you know what Kevin,even when we think we can get no lower in life and we feel like everything around us is a negative,it can all change for the better,each minute is a new beginning,its all about the choices we make,you can choose to feel hopeless each day about your situation,or you can choose to start making small changes and get what you want from life,you say your life has not been good and you have not been the son/brother you wanted to be,forget the past and live for now and be what you want to be,please do no t think im harsh,i am not i have great sympathy for you,but only you can help yourself,believe me i know what its like to have no job,never having any money and for years i have looked to the past and thought of myself as a failure,but not now,i still have no money,i rent a house as i lost my home when i lost my job,but i choose to no longer live each new second in the past,i choose to live each second as a new opportunity,its all about how we think,you need to think yourself better,and you need to want to help yourself before others can help you,be kind to yourself and start taking small steps to making things better,you will find the strength if you look deeper,and i wish you well on your journey,just never give up!

[Olderal]

Hello,Kevin, to help with just words on a forum is difficult and when all is said and done I can only offer you sympathy and let you know that I and others on this forum am depressed and know some of what you are going through.

I have no moral objection to drugs but am very against them because drug use is dangerous , probably with bad effects on anyone suffering from depression. Also it sends the message to your family and friends that you are doing little to help yourself which means they might have less inclination to help and support you.

Although I understand the attraction of drugs for short term relief they will almost certainly leave you in a worse place, quite apart from costing money you can ill afford in your present circumstances.

It will be difficult but not impossible to rebuild your life , but the first step is to see your GP. The bad news is that he won't have a magic pill or treatment to make it all go away quickly but he can certainly prescribe something that will help and may be able to arrange counselling and advice . Until then you just have to show courage , hang in there, and be patient until medical help is effective. Getting medical help will mean you have done something positive to start rebuilding which will give you a more positive and encouraging feeling about yourself and we are always here to share your burden ,if only with some encouraging words.

Olderal

[Depresseddorset]

Hi Kevin.

I live with depression, my current episode has been with me for almost 5 years although I didn't accept the diagnosis until just over 4 years ago.

My condition is stable although I am borderline severe. This episode was triggered by heart failure coinciding with chronic fatigue and fybromyalgua.

Despite all of this I manage to work full time even though I pay for it at weekends.

But I carry on even though have suicidal thoughts and self harm. Sometimes I don't know how I manage but I do.

You will get through this, it takes time and no 2 people follow the same route. Try to be positive, my rock is my 9 year old grandson who is on the Autism spectrum. I keep living for him. However hard look for your rock and you will get through.

Wishing you the very best

[Circlespin]

Hi Kevin, I find it hard to talk a lot of the time but I read your post and wanted to say that I was basically where you are now roughly three months ago. I was suicidal and all I could think about was the cold loneliness and repetition of my pointless life. I also have never had a job as such and am penniless and don't have much support.

However. I went to my GP at the 'instruction' of these good people and told her that I was suicidal, had felt this way for a long time and would she PLEASE help me. I basically begged because I didn't want to die but didn't want to live either.

It does get better. For me it meant a rather long stay in hospital once the CMHT saw how much of a mess I was in. If you are in a similar situation I would strongly recommend you make this clear to your GP and tell them that you cannot guarantee your own safety if you carry on like this.

If you feel like an onion, made of layers of all the things you've suffered, dying inside and with armour on the outside there really is a way out other than destroying yourself. I never would have believed it but it's true.

In all likelihood there may be other health problems you are not aware of, and if you are seen by professionals sooner rather than later they can help you identify them and find solutions to them. When I first went I told them I was depressed but thought I maybe have bipolar disorder. They investigated this and have since discovered I in fact have other problems but not bipolar disorder. I am starting to trust them as they try to help me and the medicines definitely help.

I thought I was going to lose what little dignity I had left as they prodded and poked and wrote notes about me but it seems to be working out for the best even if I do get very shaky at times still.

Since then, my family have been made aware of my problems and I have felt able to speak with them even though they can't really understand. They started taking it seriously when they found out I was admitted and since then have evolved a better understanding.

I hope this gives you some hope that there is another way. I tried to cover some of the main fears and issues I had in case any of them resonate with you. You are obviously struggling and it is not necessary to continue fighting on your own.

Best of luck