Help me please

This is since last year that one sudden day at work I realised my super boss was particularly rude. I had just returned for my mat leaves and was working as hard as I can to finish projects that were assigned to me. I would often see my boss who was my peer earlier would often team up with my super boss on many such occasions. Where the idea was only to belittle me and find the smallest faults possible in me.

I would often cry on my way back as there was no other outlet. I never wanted to show my loser face to my new born child or my husband who is fiercely optimistic about things and whenever I would tell him about my hostile bosses, he would often pay no heed. Once he was out on an international travel, wen my super boss, got me into a cabin - of -course my boss in tow and abused me a lot and said I should leave the organization. I was shocked as I was being accused of crime I was not unaware of . Without any performance dips, I was being sent home. I was completely shattered. Throughout I had been an immensely hard working, self- made person. I managed to reach home somehow, completely laden with self-destructing thoughts but my little daughter's toothless grin saved me.

Overnight I couldn't sleep and thought of this situation through many dimensions. At the end I decided not to leave the org.as I felt that the job was was completely owned oyut of my own merit and I truly deserved it. However, heart of heart, I decided to resign once I had acquired a new job.

Since then I have been depressed. I come to work everyday and work with the same set of people . As expected, I was not given any salary hike and bonus. I am given low brow work , way below my talent and any new leader joining-in is given my feedback of the past.

I battle this everyday. Every evening I sit in my car and howl away. I am unable to get any good job. I am thoroughly depressed. I just can't move on. I am unable to bear this scoundrel woman as my boss who never gives me any opportunity at all to flourish and only keeps clipping my wings. I have to stay happy at home because it would impact my lil one.

I cannot share my day to day ordeal with my husband as he seems to be fed up and wishes that I leave. But for me, I know that the fact that I am employed, defines my sense of security and belongingness to the world. I curl myself up in the car every evening in the parking slot and howl away for 30 mins before setting out for home.

Please help me.

7 Replies

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  • Personally, I don't think any job is worth suffering like you are. Who do they think they are?

    Do you work in banking(investment)?

    I don't have a lot of advice I'm afraid but just wanted you to know there is more to life than work, especially work that is making you ill.

    Your little one loves and worships you. She doesn't want her mum crumbling because of some jumped up t***s where their brilliant mummy works.

    Go easy on yourself. Could you talk to your husband?

    What do you want to do? Find a new job, take leave, see your GP?

    Best wishes ❤️

  • Hi LOSTFOREVER

    Welcome to our friendly, supportive & non-judgemental forum.

    Feel free to post as and when you need to. We will do our best to support you as much as we are able!

    Take Care. Warm Wishes spykey🤗

  • It sounds like your husband is not that supportive. Is he always like that? As far as the cows at work, I am sorry they bully you. I had a problem at work with supervisor bullying. I got a lawyer. I have him on speed dial on my phone. If I end up losing my job, it won't be without a fight!! He was really good about the fee, too. He charged me for the 1st visit, but wrote numerous letters to my company. Maybe you should consider legal protection.

    Good luck! Keep us up to date on it all.

  • Before you leave and take unhappy feelings with you I suggest you work on recognising and proving to yourself your own merit. It is very easy to listen to the negatives and blot out the positives. Try this: make a habit of mentally noting what you do well at various points in the day. Write them down and go over these at the end of the day. Give yourself a smiley face for doing so well. Also, listen to the message from your manager. What is it that you can change and improve on and tackle that. When you have succeeded add this to your daily score.

    At the end of a set period such as one week, ask your manager for a 1-to-1 meeting and go through exactly what you have done well. Ask for agreement on these. Make sure he/she gets the message that the negative feedback has been damaging and you would now like to hear constructive advice as to how things can be improved (which will benefit all concerned).

    Your request is quite reasonable. If your line manager refuses to meet with you then you have grounds to go to the next manager up the line or HR.

    Book an appointment for a proper professional development review. This will be your opportunity to request training in order to develop your skills. You will then be able to take all of this with you to your next job. Good luck!

  • Hi you can take out a grievance procedure against the boss who is harassing you. You would need to go over her head though.

    You need to keep a list of what was said, when, and how it made you feel. The last bit is especially important. Then armed with this see her boss.

    Bullying at work is against the law and your employers should be aware of this. Even if you feel you have no choice but to resign this can be considered 'constructive dismissal' and is the same as being sacked.

    Why don't you see an employment solicitor? Most of them offer a free half hour for advice. Good luck.

    Oh and if your husband isn't supportive tell him you are stopping work to stay at home. See how he likes being the sole breadwinner. You could always do voluntary work instead to give you a sense of purpose until you find a new job.

  • This is awful the way they are treating you! This is completely unfair and it's workplace bullying! You could report them but id understand in your condition you most likely just want to get out of the situation instead of mixing it up.

    I'm in a similar position, not so bad. My manager is fortunately nice to me and theres only a few colleagues that are not so nice. However ever since i joined the job (been in it 3 months) my mental health has plummeted, it's simply making me extremely depressed, anxious and unhappy. I too walk back to my car every evening crying because i can't let anyone see it, i then drive home through the tears wishing someone would crash into me and save me from the awful place.

    I have decided to leave once i get a new job. I'm literally looking for anything, retail work, grocery stores, ANYTHING. Just to get some money in while i concentrate on my health. And i decided to stay until i get that job because 1. Ive got more of a chance of getting a job if i'm currently employed 2. I need an income and 3. I'm not sure if id be able to adjust to working life again if i was off work for months while applying for work.

    But if this carries on then i am putting my health first and leaving - with or without a job! We need to concentrate on our health, whatever your reasonings for staying in the job until a new one comes along please weigh up your options. If it is costing you this much sadness, put you and your family first and leave. I'm sure your little girl would rather a happy but slightly less well off mummy than an unhappy mummy with an income!

    I know what you are saying about your husband dismissing these things, my parents do the same, but maybe if you could sit down and explain to him it has put you in an extremely dark place he may come up with a suggestion or reassure you that it will all be ok.

    Best of luck, i hope for you to get through this smoothly! If you ever need a chat feel free to message me. Take care!

  • Hello there LOSTFOREVER

    Welcome to our friendly Forum,

    I'm really sorry you been through such a dreadful ordeal and it certainly doesn't help that you can't discuss this with your husband. It does sound as though you need to take professional advice about your situation and the sooner the better.

    Take care

    Chloe

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