Tonight I finally got the courage to write this. So here goes, for many years I have struggled with how I have felt, spending large periods of time feeling out of place and worthless. I have suffered from depression for several years on and off. However now i have noticed that when I am 'OK ' I'm apparently not.
A friend has pointed out I talk non stop during these times, I know myself I get easily annoyed and my opinion seems to be the only one that matters (in my head), I tend to obsess about a new me during these periods sometimes reinventing myself for example the way I dress. I also appear and act overly happy like I just won the lottery. I can't seem to focus on things properly and get distracted. My judgement in people is also different I tend to trust more and over share things I usually would not. I get anxious as well during these periods.
However I have now fallen into a deep hole since my college course ended a month or two ago. I feel like I don't want to be here anymore, I feel worthless and as if I am an outsider in my own family. I have cancelled all my plans with friends and even struggle to txt people back as I just want to stay away from everyone. I cry uncontrollably as if my world has ended, I have a horrible feeling I'm my tummy , I just want all this to go away.
My elder sister whom I have lost contact with several years ago has bipolar disorder and I was wondering if anyone thought what I have described could be the same.
Hi , thanks for your reply! No I haven't seen go yet as I'm frightened it will stop me going to uni to do nursing, as I need to undergo an occupational health assessment.
• in reply to
GP*
Hi nice to meet you and welcome. It is possible you have bi-polar as I believe there can be a genetic link, but the only way you will find out is to see a doctor and get some help. Meds and/or counselling should be able to help you.
I am not bi-polar but can connect very much with being detached from my feelings as this is exactly what used to happen with me at work and play. Some days I thought I felt good and wore nice clothes and put make up on, and was over happy as well, but it was in fact quite the opposite and I realised my mind was tricking me. It actually meant I was on the verge of an emotional collapse instead. Friends also found me hyper active and told me I talked too much then as well. After I realised this I was on the alert and recognised this as a warning sign and that I was going to have a hard day and just to try and tough it out.
I find this half the battle - to be more in touch with my moods and not listening to my mind playing silly games with me. x
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Thanks for your reply! Yeah I c sounds a bit like me , I should mabey think of this behaviour as warning signs x
Hi Fairy that's your name from now on, lol. I can understand your worries about it affecting your Nursing studies, but I can tell you that just ignoring your mood problems were affect everything much worse.
Take your courage in your hands and make an Appt. with GP , that will take the pressure off as there is no point in trying to self diagnose, you seem to have good insight into how you are, which is a plus.
Your young so it's so Important to get your mental health sorted , so
You can have a great life. Don't be scared of going to GP.
Lol thanks for officially naming me, fairy it is! I will make an appointment. I work in mental health so I have a lot of insight into different conditions having worked in the field for 7years.
Thank you so much Hannah,I will go to GP! I need to get this sorted, I can't stay like this any longer.
Thank you Hannah I will stick around , will let you know how I get on with appointment, thanks for everything xx
The first thing I would advise is that to talk to your GP if you feel you are manic bipolar etc. The condition can be controlled I understand.
Write down your concerns and worries and ask for a double appointment and tell him how you feel, your list will help you remember what you need to say
Keep in touch, good luck.
BOB
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Thank you for your reply! Yes I can be controlled, I'm just scared of going to GP incase my worries of condition is correct due to me supposed to be going to uni in September x
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It is more important I feel that when you go back for the new new term, given what the condition may be as you need to be at the top of your game. You have plenty time to become stable so take it, please do not worry. Your Uni is so very important to you.
All you can do is put your mind at rest, many of us have similar problems when young and we wish we were strong enough to control our conditions.
With me it was a period of disjointed treatment and I bottled out, try not to do that.
We are always around
Good Luck
BOB
Thank you Bob, yes uni is so important to me as I worked hard to get there, but I also realise being mentally able to cope with things is far more important. I tend to bottle a lot up and am not completely honest with myself sometimes. Thank you again.
Fairy
• in reply to
Hello Fairy
Life is so complex with our conditions and we need to understand it and pace ourselves so we can continue on with the tasks set out for us.
Personally I feel sometimes medications can prevent us fulfilling our needs and tasks. That does not mean you cannot take medications to keep you stable as you study.
You GP can discuss your medications and it may be possible to reduce the dose that will not cause you concerns at Uni.
Many people with our conditions have done well through life and realised their dreams, so please do not worry.
You have 6/8 weeks before your first attendance, this could be a perfect time to start trying to control your condition. So make a list with your concerns and make a double appointment with your GP to discuss your concerns.
Do you attend any Clinic or Specialist, if so discuss these concerns with them also, if this is the case
A good skill to develop is to take one day at a time. Every time you find yourself thinking about things outside of today remind yourself how big your world is. You need a filo-fax or diary and let that do the worrying and deal with things living in real time.
A lot of philosophers believe that we cannot be truly happy unless we are 'here' the closer to 'here' you make your life and the philosophies you adopt for it the more awake and happier you will become. A lot of doctors and therapists call it 'mindfulness'
Its not fair to be mindful of anything else other than what is happening.
Also its worth considering seeing your GP he will probably prescribe some anti-anxiety meds for you. They help a lot, theres no point in not giving him a visit you won't loose your placement in the university. Explain exactly what your fears are and he will work around you, doctors are great like that. Its just stigmatism, everyone is afraid, but theres really nothing to be afraid other than your fears. Fears you probably invented.
I didn't mean that to be dramatic, I just want you to have a rewarding and full life.
Get help like I did as I knew I had a mood problem & it turned out to be BPD plus 2 others for good measure, it's not easy to ask, but I suffered with it for a very long time indeed & I would really hate for you to go through what I did in 2016
Hello. I hear you bad it sounds difficult for you. At times, I thought you were writing about me. I'm not a DR but I have been treated for bipolar and BPD for 2 years. Why not read about BPD - borderline personality and look at bipolar. You'll know in your heart if you need to see a DR about s. Good luck.
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I will stick around , will let you know how I get on with appointment, thanks for everything xx
Talking to the doctor about my depression 
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