Hi, I'm new,
Tonight I finally got the courage to write this. So here goes, for many years I have struggled with how I have felt, spending large periods of time feeling out of place and worthless. I have suffered from depression for several years on and off. However now i have noticed that when I am 'OK ' I'm apparently not.
A friend has pointed out I talk non stop during these times, I know myself I get easily annoyed and my opinion seems to be the only one that matters (in my head), I tend to obsess about a new me during these periods sometimes reinventing myself for example the way I dress. I also appear and act overly happy like I just won the lottery. I can't seem to focus on things properly and get distracted. My judgement in people is also different I tend to trust more and over share things I usually would not. I get anxious as well during these periods.
However I have now fallen into a deep hole since my college course ended a month or two ago. I feel like I don't want to be here anymore, I feel worthless and as if I am an outsider in my own family. I have cancelled all my plans with friends and even struggle to txt people back as I just want to stay away from everyone. I cry uncontrollably as if my world has ended, I have a horrible feeling I'm my tummy , I just want all this to go away.
My elder sister whom I have lost contact with several years ago has bipolar disorder and I was wondering if anyone thought what I have described could be the same.
Thanks to anyone who has read this.
Fallen Fairy x