Looking for some advice...

[emms]

Hello, Ive just joined, and was wondering whether there are other people like me. I am supposed to be taking sertraline now, as I stopped taking citalopram, but it seems to make me feel worse. I go to work in the morning, but then as soon as I leave I am alone again, and cant wait to sleep. I dont want to do anything else, dont even want to keep my eyes open. And at weekends, I cant go outside, and just think constantly about wanting to die. I live alone, and cant prepare food, or clean my house. I just dont want to be here. I just wondered if anyone else felt the same. Thanks

[Hidden]

Hi

Yes, I had Sertraline in the past and found it really helpful, so earlier this week I took my GPs advice and started on a low dose once again and within the few days found myself feeling very much worse. Those early symptoms do sometimes pass but your reactions seem quite extreme so it will be worth speaking to your GP again as soon as possible. You could talk to the NHS online for advice before then, just make sure you keep in touch with people so that you feel things will change and that you will feel better soon. I would see your GP asap.

Hope you feel better soon,

Suex

[emms in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the reply Sue.

Yes I have an appointment with the GP but not for another two weeks. I have been seeing a nurse and consultant as well, but again not very often. How to I contact the NHS online? I didnt know you could do that. I dont have anyone to speak to in between appointments, so end up having to cut my arm, as it stops me feeling like that for a while. I get really annoyed with myself, for being like this.

Thanks again ,

Emma

[Hidden]

Hi

I can understand you must be feeling really awful to have resorted to cutting, do try not to do that if you can. You could phone your GP tomorrow morning first thing and insist on an appointment the same day, if the receptionist says no then just go down to the surgery and tell them you will wait until the end, because you are entitled to an urgent consultation specially when you are feeling so bad! To contact the NHS just google NHS direct - I think that's what it's called - if you google NHS you should be able to find the way of contacting, otherwise do you have a local drop in centre? We have one in our local town and you can phone them to have an immediate chat and they will advise what you should do. Also do come back onto the website as even writing to someone you don't know is better than having no one to speak to inbetween appointments. I certainly use the website when I need to, so make sure you do too. Let me know how you get on if you like. Suexx

[emms]

Thanks I will try that tomorrow. Or try to phone my nurse. She says I can phone anytime, but sometimes I feel silly phoning her, like I am wasting her time. And sometimes just get a bit nervous. I had a look at NHS direct, but it said England only, and NHS 24 the Scottish equivilent only have a phone number, so I will wait till tomorrow, but thanks for the advice. I have just moved to this area as well, so dont even know my new GP which doesnt help. I dont want to be stuck like this forever, I dont want to live like this. The worst thing is when you go to sleep, you have to wake up again. Anyway, I am sorry about this, I will see what happens tomorrow xx

[downandout]

Hi just read your story how horrible for you, i havent taken that drug but i have taken others, there is also a crisis line under mental health, if you are under them or look up your local mental health team or even ring your doctors you should be able to get their out of hours number, as for the not cooking etc i can so relate to that it got to the point where i was just eating toast once every three days as i am not working so am cut off completely, i suppose i am lucky in that i have a dog and two young cats to focus on and have made a few friends on facebook that know the truth about my whole situation. Cooking is a chore for one and it just does not feel right or worth the effort if you really dont want to cook try to at least get some ready meals cause what i found was that when i ate i did feel a bit better, also in the end this is what i have ended up doing i get a couple of really cheap ready meals and then buy some other bits and i bulk cook so i cook a roast frozen chicken with all the vege serve it up and do the gravy and leave 4 meals to cool and eat one, then I freeze the others that way i eat proper meals, and agree so much with Sue say your feeling this way to the doctors and ask for an urgent appointment they generally have day appointments that they have to keep as an option and if you ring at 8am you can get one, the other thing that i have heard sometimes works for cutters sorry to term you as that is ice to get ice cubes and hold them tight in your hands as it kind of feels like burning and releases a feeling that stops you from cutting and dont be sorry we all have bad days, weeks I had two really bad years well um four really but the second two were far worse than the first, but come here and chat anytime i am only new here too i wish i had known about this site in 2008 it may have stopped the worst happening xx take care

[Hidden]

Hi

Yes at present I can relate to all that both of you write, in that if my husband didn't cook then at this point in time I would probably be living on boiled eggs or beans on toast. It feels really hard to find any meaning in life when feeling so bad and I also find that looking after myself doesn't even enter my mind. Probably you can both relate to that. I came off Sertraline a couple of days ago having only taken it for four days because the side effects were so bad that I felt physically ill, gradually the hyper-arousal, tingling and stressful headaches are passing and I'm just feeling very low, despair really but even that's better than additionally feeling ill physically! Probably talking is the best help but it's not always easy to want to contact strangers. I did consider contacting the CMHT but they are so overworked that the support they can offer is minimal and crisis led which is why I prefer to use this website because it is here all the time and my contacting it doesn't burden people who are already overworked and overstressed. Yes, we do all have bad times and they do pass, it's just very difficult to believe they will. I recall feeling great not so long ago, really comfortable in the world and working as a professional within the NHS and now I feel so low that I can't imagine ever feeling better...Depressed feelings tend to undermine everything.

Take care both of you. Sorry Emms, I didn't realise you are in Scotland so things will be different there, but you should still be able to get emergency help from either the GP or the CMHT.

Do come back on again whenever you are low. I know I will.

Suexx

[Optimistic9]

I just want to say that any psychotropic drug can have horrendous side effects. They can actually make matters worse and because drugs like this deplete the body of vitamins and the fact you are not eating much it will become a vicious circle and you will become very run down and feel low. Try and boost your energy by eating high protein foods such as meat, eggs , cheese, fish, soups and stews. This winter weather will also make you feel low. My advice to anyone with depression is to read the book by Doctor Terry Lynch called "Beyond Prozac". IT really helped me a lot

[Hidden]

Hi Emms you've had some very good advice here. I too was on Sertraline & it did'nt agree with me. Physciatrist now has me on the highest dose of Venlafaxine (Efexor) a very goid A.D. but a nightmare to get of it. I will be on it the rest of my life. Thats ok as it keeps me stable although I do get down but never to the extent I was before & do try to stay away from the anti physcotic drugs which can only be prescribed by a physciatrist. They just numb you & turn you into a zombie, you would'nt be able to hold down a jjob with them. Good luck.

Take care & let us know how you get on. please stop self harming.

Jackie xx

[sherdane]

Hi Emms,

It sounds like you are still feeling quite low at the moment, it may be a result of the decrease in dosage of the Setraline. I would do as advised on here, get back to your GP and let them know how you are feeling.

I myself have just swapped from Cetalopram to Setraline, the Doctor has had to increase the dosage of the Setraline as I plummeted again after 3 weeks.

I came across this site quite by chance and Im glad I did as I feel that I now can get some support outside of the GPs office and because my Counselling is soon to end.

Its ok to feel silly and awkward. Ive been there too, I hate being a bother to people and have also been that low that I didnt want to get out of bed. Sleep seemed to be my only way of coping.

Please do get some more help

Nicky x

[emms in reply to sherdane]

I dont think I can go back to them, I dont even know my GP as I moved to this area only a few weeks ago. I feel like I will be wasting their time, as they are very busy and there are lots of people with proper illnesses to be seen. When I go to see the psychiatrist who prescribes the medication, he doesnt even understand me, I feel so abnormal, he is obviously very well trained, but still doesnt understand me, and I feel so alone because I dont think anyone will understand me because I am not like other people. The last time I saw my nurse, she took away all my sleeping tablets, which I really could have done with, and I always feel too guilty to go back to her as I dont seem to be able to do anything she suggests. So there is no way out, even when I cut my arm, I am still here after, and it just starts all over again, so I have to cut it again, and so on. I prefer to sleep because then its like not being here, until I wake up. I tried to die by hypothermia a couple of years ago, but there were too many people about, so I am still stuck here. For no reason. Sorry about this,

Emma x

[reggie]

I too was prescribed cetalopram but did not take it after recent depressive events in my life and with the support of people on here and sheer will power I got through it but I know how you feel about the nights try to find someone to off load your problems to and having read previous posting there seems to plenty of solid advice from people far well versed than I so be strong and listen to them my thoughts are with you emms

[Hidden]

You say you feel worse when you are alone. Do you think this may be part of the problem..the loneliness. Do you have any friends or family that you could turn to for support? In my case the depression is worse when I am alone. But the horrible thing is at the moment I get so frustrated/irritable having people around me. Being alone is not good for the soul they say. If there is no-one you could turn to then there are lots of supportive people on this forum. There is also the Samaritans who won't judge.

[Getting-By]

Hi Emma

Welcome to the forum good to meet you. You have had some good support and advice from other members here and I agree with a lot of what has been said. I have never taken that medication but have been on other antidepressants & antipsychotics and currently changing from Escitalopram to Paroxetine.

I would also suggest you go and speak with your doctor and if you haven't already ask to be referred to the mental health team who will be able to offer you more support. I hope things get better for you soon and do keep posting here we are here to support you.

[emms in reply to Getting-By]

I dont think I can go back to them, I dont even know my GP as I moved to this area only a few weeks ago. I feel like I will be wasting their time, as they are very busy and there are lots of people with proper illnesses to be seen. When I go to see the psychiatrist who prescribes the medication, he doesnt even understand me, I feel so abnormal, he is obviously very well trained, but still doesnt understand me, and I feel so alone because I dont think anyone will understand me because I am not like other people. The last time I saw my nurse, she took away all my sleeping tablets, which I really could have done with, and I always feel too guilty to go back to her as I dont seem to be able to do anything she suggests. So there is no way out, even when I cut my arm, I am still here after, and it just starts all over again, so I have to cut it again, and so on. I prefer to sleep because then its like not being here, until I wake up. I tried to die by hypothermia a couple of years ago, but there were too many people about, so I am still stuck here. For no reason. Sorry about this,

Emma x

[redroseart]

hi emma hope you are feeling better.just as i think i am feeling better i suddenly feel very low.i am on olanzepine anti-psychotic and lofepramine.i was on citalopram for 12 months and recently changed to lofepramine. citalopram did nothing for me i am not as depressed now.my anxiety seems to be getting worse.i hope you have sorted something out.i know it is the last thing you feel like doing. i can only talk to people when i am feeling better which is no use.i withdraw from everyone when i am depressed.

[redroseart]

hi emma hope you are feeling better.just as i think i am feeling better i suddenly feel very low.i am on olanzepine anti-psychotic and lofepramine.i was on citalopram for 12 months and recently changed to lofepramine. citalopram did nothing for me i am not as depressed now.my anxiety seems to be getting worse.i hope you have sorted something out.i know it is the last thing you feel like doing. i can only talk to people when i am feeling better which is no use.i withdraw from everyone when i am depressed.

[redroseart]

hi emma hope you are feeling better.just as i think i am feeling better i suddenly feel very low.i am on olanzepine anti-psychotic and lofepramine.i was on citalopram for 12 months and recently changed to lofepramine. citalopram did nothing for me i am not as depressed now.my anxiety seems to be getting worse.i hope you have sorted something out.i know it is the last thing you feel like doing. i can only talk to people when i am feeling better which is no use.i withdraw from everyone when i am depressed.

[redroseart]

hi emma hope you are feeling better.just as i think i am feeling better i suddenly feel very low.i am on olanzepine anti-psychotic and lofepramine.i was on citalopram for 12 months and recently changed to lofepramine. citalopram did nothing for me i am not as depressed now.my anxiety seems to be getting worse.i hope you have sorted something out.i know it is the last thing you feel like doing. i can only talk to people when i am feeling better which is no use.i withdraw from everyone when i am depressed.

[redroseart]

hi emma hope you are feeling better.just as i think i am feeling better i suddenly feel very low.i am on olanzepine anti-psychotic and lofepramine.i was on citalopram for 12 months and recently changed to lofepramine. citalopram did nothing for me i am not as depressed now.my anxiety seems to be getting worse.i hope you have sorted something out.i know it is the last thing you feel like doing. i can only talk to people when i am feeling better which is no use.i withdraw from everyone when i am depressed.

[emms]

Thank you for all the helpful replies. I felt really sleepy today, and unfortuantely didnt manage to contact the doctor or nurse yet, but will try tomorrow, and will write to you again then. Sorry I dont have the energy to write now, I appreciate all the advice you have given me,

thanks again,

Emma x

[emms]

I dont think I can go back to them, I dont even know my GP as I moved to this area only a few weeks ago. I feel like I will be wasting their time, as they are very busy and there are lots of people with proper illnesses to be seen. When I go to see the psychiatrist who prescribes the medication, he doesnt even understand me, I feel so abnormal, he is obviously very well trained, but still doesnt understand me, and I feel so alone because I dont think anyone will understand me because I am not like other people. The last time I saw my nurse, she took away all my sleeping tablets, which I really could have done with, and I always feel too guilty to go back to her as I dont seem to be able to do anything she suggests. So there is no way out, even when I cut my arm, I am still here after, and it just starts all over again, so I have to cut it again, and so on. I prefer to sleep because then its like not being here, until I wake up. I tried to die by hypothermia a couple of years ago, but there were too many people about, so I am still stuck here. For no reason. Sorry about this,

Emma x

[Hidden]

Hi Emma

I think you've just stated the crux of your problem which is that you don't feel understood by anyone because you feel you are not like other people. I wonder what makes you feel that, how you feel you are too different to be understood? Do try to say, maybe people won't understand but at least we can try. We can't understand if you don't say why you feel you are so different. It sounds almost as if you feel you are not human. I used to feel like that at times, so I can understand that feeling. Maybe the rest too. What's led you to feel so bad about yourself?

Sue

[redroseart]

hi emms doctors are all the same they should treat you as an individual. i dont think you are any different than anyone else who suffers from depression alot of things you say i can relate to. please dont harm yourself.you will get better it just takes a long time.hope to hear fromyou soon.

[MCHAMMER82]

hi Emma

having just read your message i would tell you to just phone your gp and tell them exactly how bad you are feeling and that you seriously need help. you cant be left feeling the way you do. Dont in anyway feel guilty this is an illness which you need to keep talking about to get the proper help you deserve. sometimes talking to a different doctor can make all the difference and they might be able to try something different. hope to hear from you soon.

[Hidden]

Hi Emms

I know you said in your last blog that you were feeling too tired to write and I'm wondering how you are now? I am sorry you find cutting doesn't help, it's a drastic thing to do and even if it doesn't help then that's sad as well. It sounds as though you can't find any meaning in your life - I sometimes know that feeling... Depression can make you feel like that but sometimes it is the lack of meaning that leads to depression, it depends. I am feeling for you now and do hope you are coping.

Suex

[emms]

hi sue.

I still just feel really tired, I feel like I dont want to have my eyes open, or have to think about anything. You are right, I dont really have any meaning anymore, and even if I do, I dont want to be here. I dont want my job, or anything, I just want to go and see Neil. I know he went a very long time ago, but I just cant understand it. And I cant / dont want to accept it. I must be able to see him again somehow., I just dont know why everything happened,

Emma

[alfie19]

Hi Emma

Cutting yourself to ease the pain you are suffering inside is not the answer.

I feel for you so much that my heart aches to anyone who does this to themselves.

Is there anyone in your family or friends that can listen and help you

You are always welcome here to off load and ask for help.

We may never have all the answers but at least we can listen and give you feedback a two-way conversation is always better than nothing.

See your GP or even go direct to a hospital for help and insist you get it or you can phone NHS direct.

I have suffered with depression for of 40yrs but I over eat for comfort as I hate myself and my body as I was abused at 9yrs old.

I don't have any friends that I call real friends cos, when I get close to someone something happens that I fall out with them so I would rather be on my own.

I have seen several therapists but when I do get going and feel free to chat my hour is up.

I found keep a daily log of my feelings help me a great deal to understand what is happening and what I am afraid of.

I find it a lot easier just to go with the flow and let things fall into place and to always seek help when you need further and deeper advice.

[emms in reply to alfie19]

sorry to hear about your abuse, that must be terrible.

I went to see my GP just before xmas, and it put me off ever going again. He didnt seem to want to know., I had never been to that practice before, and he didnt read any of my history, and just gave me some sleeping tablets and told me everything will be fine in two weeks, and that was it, in about two minutes.