Complicated issue...

[CJ2016]

So today my mother found out she has marfan syndrome,and has been told that she will need a pace maker fitted.

So she has told my brother and i that we should be tested(due to an increase chance of us having it because she has it)

Now this is where it get's complicated for me, i have scars(some old some fresh from cutting.

I have never been to the Drs about my mental health,i pretty much avoid the Drs fullstop. Now if i was to get tested for marfan syndrome then it would obviously mean me having to expose my cut up arms.

And no doubt they would probably ask for an explanation, so in hindsight i feel like i am having a double barrell pointed at me at the moment.

I know it may seem trivial to others, in regards to going to the Drs, but its a big deal to me because i have always dealt with things my own way etc.

So yeah it feels complicated so now my thoughts are just stuck on even more of a loop.

[Hidden]

Yes I understand but it might be a blessing in disguise? Did you know people who cut have an increased risk of suicide? There are times it is best to deal with things on your own, but others when you need to ask for help. The wisdom comes in knowing the difference. x

[chloe40]

Hi @CJ2016

This is a tough decision for you I understand that, but what if you look at this as a the opportunity to get the right help for yourself. You say you've always avoided doctors but now you really need to have this check, it's so important and I know you don't want to go but I think this could be the start of better healthcare for you! and it's you that is important.

Chloe

[CJ2016 in reply to chloe40]

Hey Chloe, yeah i understand its important especially with my familys history(grand father died of a heart attack at 49, his sister was 55 odd) his mother alao died of a heart attack and of course my mother having her problems now.

To an extent im trying hard to avoid the unavoidable and its just, i dont know,i cant explain it in words.

Also add on to the fact when she has the op its going to fall on me to take care of my mother for a while and my father at the same time(has MS)

Im not even 30 years old, and it feels like i have not really lived my own life, but as a son i have this responsibility to look after them now.

[chloe40 in reply to CJ2016]

Hi CJ2016

I really do understand how much courage you will need to muster to go to the doctors but after what you've just revealed, I can't impress upon you how important it is to go and the sooner you do the better, you don't want to have this on your mind. Given your parents will need extra help, you will need all the support you can get to cope with this, caring is not an easy task and somewhere along the line you need a life!

Remember we're all behind you, you're not alone.

Chloe

[CJ2016 in reply to chloe40]

Thanks apperciate it, i know that eventually ill have to face up to the music so to speak.

The war zone in my head will eventually have no choice but to surrender

Also its not the being checked for marfan syndrome that is going over in my mind, its more along the lines of them trying to understand whats going on in my mind.

Im thinking more about their health then my own,seeing them going through all their health problems for so long and everything is just a lot to take in everyday.

[-Fey]

CJ2016,

It's always okay to request seeing a doctor in a room alone. There you can reveal your scars without the fear that your family will find out. If you are a minor, some things they may have to report to the parent. But this is also something you can discuss with the doctor before revealing any marks. It may be a good idea to ask the doctor questions about his or her experience with people who have scars like yours. They may be able to offer coping strategies that don't leave a permanent mark.

I can understand that it's scary. I kept my emotional problems hidden from my family for years. I was 15 and wanted to deal with it on my own.

If the doctor finds out, he or she is not likely to reprimand or lecture you. If so, that would mean you have a terrible doctor. If you are worried about that, it's very very very unlikely to happen.

But, yes, it is scary. It may help to think about it this way. If your brother or mom were coping with their feelings in the same way, cutting themselves, would you want them to see a doctor? Or at least talk to someone? If the answer is yes, you might want to think about giving yourself the same good treatment you'd want for your family.

If you're simply going in to draw blood, you may want to mention something to your mother beforehand. Otherwise, she'll see when they go to take a sample. But again, it is always okay to ask to be left alone when getting blood drawn.

I would encourage you to speak to a doctor or a family member about the cutting. Cutting can have unfortunate consequences on someone's physical and mental health. And family members who don't find out in time tend to blame themselves for what happens later.

I don't see this as a trivial matter and no one who reads it will. But most of us will ask you to get help for yourself, because we've been through the same situation and we know how much better it can be once you talk to a family member or professional about what's happening.

I hope this was helpful. Feel free to reply is you have any other questions or something you'd like to say.

-Fey

[CJ2016 in reply to -Fey]

Hey thanks for the feedback, and i am 28 so dont have to worry about anyone having to come into the room with me.

Its just the thought of the Dr starting to ask a 1001 questions about all the cuts and scars.

I have always been the type to keep my issues away from my family as they have their own issues and i do not want any of my actions to play on their mind.

My sister in law knows about it, but she thinks i stopped cutting 3 months ago.

But its started back up again, i wouldnt say i am down at the moment compared to where i was at a few months ago my emotions are mixed at the moment or have been for the last 3 weeks.

It's actually difficult to explain how i am feeling at the moment in words or in writing i just feel stumped but also with a 1000 things going around in my head at the same time.

[Findingme in reply to CJ2016]

You can tell the doctor to mind his own business. You do not have to talk about it. I am sure they will have seen it all before. However it is nice to think they might care enough to ask. Why not go along and see how it goes.

[Hidden]

Do you know I have seen loads of people on depression sites trying to manage it themselves. When they have eventually sought help not one has ever said they wished they hadn't. In fact every one has said they wished they had done it sooner.

Something for you to think about. x

[CJ2016 in reply to Hidden]

Apperciate it,and no doubt you are right in regards to soughting help

[Hidden in reply to CJ2016]

I am always Right CJ! x